After the loss of a baby...a few months down the road I got super depressed and kinda crazy (postpartum depression i guess). And I'm still in the midst of it.
Anyways, my boyfriend and I have now been spending time in different places for almost two months. He calls me a couple times a week. And he says if he didn't care about me he wouldn't call me. He always ends our phone talks saying "I love you" first.
When I ask him if he loves me he says he does. When I asked him recently if he's 'in love' with me he said "I dunno I think so."
And he said he loved me - not like how he loves his mom, but he couldn't say how exactly....
He said he just wants to be alone for a little while and have his freedom, etc... but that he's not going to be with any other girls. Like he just needs to get this out of his system.
He says I can't come see him and he can't come see me cause we need to be away from each other. And his dad is having surgery in a week and that maybe after that I can come visit.
2007-10-19 05:15:40 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Do you think it's likely he'd leave based on us having to deal with this rough patch about the baby, and depression, etc?
Or do you think he would possibly stick it out and really does just need time to be by himself doing his "boy things", like some sort of selfish phase thing?
2007-10-19 05:17:08 · update #1
Also, when he talks to me he still talks to me about us having a family in the future, and other such things. And he says he means it- that when he thinks of me those are the things he thinks of.
He does have the tendency to be selfish and immature at times - but that's just him. I understand that. But that doesn't make it any easier.
2007-10-19 05:40:23 · update #2
Losing a baby and then dealing with the aftermath (depression, loss, the change in your relationship, etc.) can leave anyone reeling. It can also make people re-evaluate what they have and sometimes, see it in a totally new light.
It sounds like your bf is attached to you (hence, "I love you") but doesn't know a.) how to deal with what's happened, and b.) how he feels about the relationship, either brought on by this loss/event or by the re-evaluating he may be doing. It also may be that the loss is just too much and being around you makes him face it/brings it too close to him.
It is perfectly normal for him to need distance; the death of a child can break up the soundest of relationships. However, his leaving you high and dry is selfish at best, (though again, understandable), and I hope that you have a good support network through your friends and/or family.
Give him his space, and take advantage of yours. Get your depression under control with help from a good doctor/counselor, and encourage him to do the same. Perhaps in time, you two can even go together and mend the relationship.
I am sorry for your loss and I wish you two the best.
2007-10-19 05:27:56 · answer #1 · answered by Gauffsa 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it's very difficult for a person to deal with another person who is suffering from depression, especially if they are prone to depression themselves.
I can't not say whether or not he is seeing someone else or whether he really just needs some alone time. I understand alone time but what I don't understand is why someone who 'loves' you would leave for an extended period of time while you're trying to cope with your depression.
I suffer from depression. I know it's hard on those that love me but those that REALLY love me; my mom, my family, my close friends didn't run when it got bad. However, my husband (now ex) did. He just couldn't deal with it.
I am much better now, have sought medication and therapy. I so wish he had been there to see me through it. Our relationship would have been stronger.
Some may agree or disagree.
I wish you the best of luck, a great big hug, and please keep your eyes open in this situation. OK?
2007-10-19 12:23:16 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he is being a confusing man. It seems to me that he is a bit immature and needs his space for now. I think he loves you but may not be in love with you or is confused about his feelings for you. He could also be scared about being a father and maybe he doesn't know how to help you with the depression. I would just give him his space and if it was meant to be he will come back.
2007-10-19 12:21:27 · answer #3 · answered by Bailey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry but if he can't be there to support you when you need it the most, dump him. He isn't ready for a relationship. He has a lot of growing up to do. Find someone who will really love you not just when the times are good. Please get out and be around people. Take walks to relax. Good Luck and I am so sorry for your loss.
2007-10-19 12:21:25 · answer #4 · answered by Jodi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People deal with things different ways. How well do you know him? Would he rather run from problems or just hit them head on? If he runs from them, then you shouldn't worry. On the other hand if this isn't his normal way to handle something, maybe he is just done with the relationship. He should be there to support you, and if he isn't you have to ask yourself, is he going to do this everytime we face an issue that we need to deal with "together"?
2007-10-19 12:26:52 · answer #5 · answered by mstlight 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Quite honestly, when I've used the "needing space" excuse I was priming them for a breakup.
The tone of your post makes me think you are both very young, perhaps this is for the best. You might be surprised to find that you have some revelations of your own during this time apart.
2007-10-19 12:23:28 · answer #6 · answered by sleepingliv 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nobody, and I do mean nobody, wants to be with a depressed woman. If you want to have a happy life with someone, you need to deal with your depression. Whether this be chemical or natural, you need to deal with it.
You do not have to be depressed. You can get over it.
2007-10-19 12:25:51 · answer #7 · answered by killbasabill 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you just have to find out .
give it some time
2007-10-19 12:18:44 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋