My best friend has three children the oldest is a girl 7 years old, and two boy's ages 3 and 5. The oldest daughter is being beat by the boy's father. My emotions run deep for this family. I will do as much as possible to help but I'm not sure if I will make a good decision. These are my decisions either call cps, take that child away from here or give her the option to get rid of him or the friendship is over. What would you do or sugguest? Trust me I will do something about this!! Please help!!
2007-10-19 04:24:42 · 25 answers · asked by ♥ HeNnEsSy ™ 6 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
I really appreciate it! I just found out and I'am going nuts about it!! Thank you all!!
2007-10-19 04:28:54 · update #1
As a person who has dealt with this, you must listen to me!
Before you do anything, you need to have the mother fill out and file legal gaurdian papers with the county naming a specific person as the legal gaurdian of the children!
The moment social services hears of this abuse, they will take the children away and put them in a foster home unless she can present documents showing the children can be placed with someone else! The legal gaurdianship papers will solve this problem.
The mother can be charged for failure to protect her children and ordered to appear in court to defend herself (unless she has illustrated that she took steps to protect the children by placing them with you or someone else prior to your report being made!)
Upon receiving the report from you, Children's Services will interview the children to determine if your allegations are founded. If your report is validated, a court case will be filed and the court will issue an order demanding that the mother separate herself from the man so the children will be safe. (It is only when she has proven she has accomplished this that the children will be returned to her!)
The court will issue a restraining order to protect the children from this man as well as order the mother to not allow any further contact between the children and the abuser!
The best thing you can do is this:
1.) Tell your friend you are giving her until next Wednesday to prove to you she has filed legal gaurdianship documents with the county clerk.
2.) Tell your friend if she fails to produce the documents, you will report her to Children's Services.
3.) Tell your friend you are willing to take the children until she resolves the situation, that you are willing to be the gaurdian.
4.) Tell her that you will NOT tolerate any further such contact between this man and the children, that until she handles the matter the children will be staying with you or you will call Children's Services!
Furthermore, you must realize that this man will turn his rage on the remaining two children and the friend if you only take one of the children! Perhaps you could offer your friend and the three children to stay with you until things are dealt with! If you are afraid of this man, YOU can file an emergency protective order, as can she, which will go into effect immediately and remain in effect until the hearing. This is called an ex-parte' emergency protective order. Call your family law fascilitator's office. They will explain. If you have trouble, you can also call the local battered women's hotline. They will be able to direct you to someone who can assist you in filling out the forms.
2007-10-19 08:16:08 · answer #1 · answered by Buddie 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The first thing I would do, is make it clear that you know, to both parents. Let them know that your feelings are deep and that you would do anything for these children. Sometimes letting the perp know that someone is aware of the abuse will scare them enough to leave or make them stop. Maybe talk to the mother about letting the child stay with you until this is worked out between the adults. Let her know that this is a easy way out, rather than getting the system involved. Surely she knows her child is being abused. Let her know that the situation could get the police involved. Try to stay on her side, and try to understand why she's staying in the situation. And remember that it is alway better to keep the family together and fix the problem. But if none of the children are his, then he is the only moveable denominator. Let her know the problem and the options. Make sure he knows that you know, and see what that does. For a short time it will cause problems. He will be angry and more violent on being called out. Make it clear that you will be checking the child for marks and bruises. AIR IT!
2007-10-19 05:10:22 · answer #2 · answered by MessieJessie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well if it were me I would take it straight to the father!!!!!!! I would let him know that what is doing to his daughter is wrong and that my next step is to report him to CPS!!! and as far as the mother goes best friend or not I would tell her how ignorant she is for allowing some man to abuse her child for loving that man more than her child I wish I could be there because it would be more than CPS It would be me beating his A** that little girl don't deserve that and not from her father she is suppose to be his princess but instead he beats her like a peasant I could just scream this is not right I hope things turn out for the best and I hope that you make it happen for that little girl because it sure doesn't seem like the Parents are. Tell everyone you know and maybe someone will beat his A** like he has done that little girl.
2007-10-19 04:48:44 · answer #3 · answered by Spacious 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need to do what is best for the child. Having said that I think you know you must call CPS and make a report. If you do nothing (because you are aware) and something happens to that little girl, you will never forgive yourself.
If your friend won't do what is right for her daughter, then by all means stick your nose in and you do it. If that means calling the cops infront of your friend, take her daughter with you (get permission so you're not arrested for kidnapping), talk to the school officials and see how/if they can help you.
You can also call the cops on your own and advise them of the situation, they may have more information for you as to what legally you can do without causing more harm to the girl or upsetting the situation even more.
What ever you decide, please do it asap, you don't know when that *** will decide to lay his hands on her again. If he's willing to do that to that little girl, nothing is stopping him from doing it to your friend or the other children.
2007-10-19 04:31:51 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would talk to my friend first and explain my feelings and give her the option of handling the situation herself immediately. If she chooses to ignore it then I would go ahead and call. Sometimes it may take a while for someone to come investigate so in the mean time if you know he is in the act of beating her or she has bruises or you can prove in some way that he did then you should call the police right away. Also find some options for the children to live. If they take the kids away they can either live with an approved temporary guardian that the kids know and are comfortable with or in their care which will probably be foster care or a group home.
2007-10-19 05:11:26 · answer #5 · answered by curious1 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to call CPS or the police and report it ASAP. You telling her and losing you as a friend won't stop that child from being beaten. You should be able to report anonymously and I would write down everything you know so you can report every detail. You might also call the girls school anonymously and report it, the nurse could call her in and check her out for any signs...then they could report it as well if they find anything..they may also have the counselor talk to her. At that age she knows whats going on and is old enough to tell them.
2007-10-19 06:59:11 · answer #6 · answered by pookiesmom 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
CALL CPS!
You're required to by law in most states. If you know the abuse is happening you HAVE to report it. You should not wait.
You can do it anonymously. Bear in mind that the mother will also be brought up on charges of neglect. They will assume that she knew the abuse was going on and didn't stop it. If that's the case, report her too. I don't care if she's your friend. Do the right thing!
If she doesn't know about the abuse, then you need to tell her and tell her to kick the guy out and call CPS herself. But you know what? She more than likely knows. She may be a good friend, but she is not being a good mother to her daughter.
Please do not wait a second longer.
2007-10-19 05:05:31 · answer #7 · answered by sparki777 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is this man? her father too?
I am a step parent , and I have disciplined my stepson. Not Beat,but swatted his backside.
I think that you should talk to the parents and tell them that everyday a child dies from abuse. And that you are NOT going to stand idly by and watch the little girl die because the guy is beating on her, Give them the option to call cps or that you will . Have phone in hand ,I would recommend a cell phone . Because as your dialing I would step outside that way they can't say your on their property and they can get you for trespassing.
What ever you do ....Do it quickly. for the child's sake. But Tell your friend that you will always be around if she should ever want to talk to you .
Keep in mind this might take a long time for her to come back around.
2007-10-19 05:48:45 · answer #8 · answered by Gina 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well even if you call the friendship off, the child is still gonna get beat. the mother obviously dosnt care to much because she keeps the jerk around, or is scared to leave or kick him out cause she gets it too. Call CPS, you can do it anonymously and do it for the child, who cares about the friendship at this point, or call the police and have them do the investigation and they will call cps if need be. the guy needs to be behind bars
2007-10-19 05:15:04 · answer #9 · answered by louie 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would tell the best friend that she is in danger of losing her children unless she gets them away from her boyfriend. Tell her that YOU will not ignore the fact that he is beating HER child and that you are going to call CPS. If you know that a child is being abused it is your DUTY to help save that child. Let me ask you this...if you don't call cps and he puts that child in the hospital in a coma with one of his beatings what will you feel like? How about if he beats that child to death?
2007-10-19 06:58:03 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋