My sister is selfish. She has 4 children and doesn't take care of them. She has left their father so many times in the past because she wanted to go out and "be free" and see other men- sometimes disappearing for months at a time without even checking in on her children. She went to jail several years ago for drugs. Her now ex husband took her back many times because he wanted to work it out for the kids. The last time she left, he didn't let her come home. He works hard and takes care of the kids himself. I watch the two younger ones while he works (the older two are in school) and I don't charge him for babysitting because she doesn't pay child support and he struggles financially. She got mad at me because I was "Making it too easy for him" and told me to stop watching the kids. I told her I wouldn't and if she had a problem with it then she need not call me anymore until she got some help and straightened out. She said I'm being disloyal to her- Am I a bad sister?
2007-10-19 03:58:39 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I'm happily married. I'm not helping the kids or my ex brother in law to "get closer" to him.. Geez.. It's not Days of our Lives...
2007-10-19 04:11:12 · update #1
not at all, you're putting the kids first, which is what she should be doing.
2007-10-19 04:01:48 · answer #1 · answered by Sabina 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
No, you are not a bad sister at all. Your sister needs to realize that she has four children to care for and she cannot just run off and "be free" anytime she wants. Her children need her in their life and she should want to be in their life, also. I'm surprised you are even being that nice to her, if my sister did that I would set her straight and tell her she is being very immature and four children are depending on her to be a responsible mother.
You are doing a great thing taking care of the two younger ones daily while the father is at work. Your sister seems to be wanting to test him and I say that because she told you that you are "making it too easy for him." Four children is a lot of work and responsibility and a man who works full-time needs some help with caring for them so you are doing right by helping him.
Personally, I think something needs to be done and your sister either needs to turn over custody to the children's father and start paying child suppoert or do some maturing, come back into their lives and properly care for them. Either way she needs to be helping take care of her children financially and if she cares, she will actually attempt to see them. The children do not need a mom who is off running around with numerous men or doing drugs so she needs to either straighten up or turn over custody- and she needs to realize that and maybe then she will step up and be a better mother and wife. Try talking to her and let her know how much she is hurting her entire family and her children. And also, if the father is having a hard time financially, he needs to be getting child support from the mother since he is the primary caregiver (this should have been settled in court during the divorce; however, if not- he really needs to look into it so he doesn't have to worry paycheck to paycheck).
2007-10-19 11:08:40 · answer #2 · answered by Madison 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO, ABSOLUTLY NOT! I think you are making the right decision. I've seen many situations like this. And i think you are a good person. No offense, but your sister for ONE, has left her kids, not caring at all for them. TWO, if your sister really cared about the kids, she wouldnt have left them. Which she obviously did leave them behind. THREE, she's on drugs, and doesnt have her priorities straight, and isnt a very good mother. FOUR, she should be glad that her Ex-Husband, is doing the best to care for all the kids on his own. And she should also be glad that he hasnt reported her for not giving child support. He is really saving her ***, because he could easily report her, and he could get upto 1 thousand dollars or more, a month for all the four kids. She isnt being a good mom, which leaves her husband struggling to be "the greatest dad who saved the family" And you, as the aunt of her kids, you are doing very kindly to help take care of the kids. I'm sure he appreciates you so very much. And as for being disloyal to your sister...I dont think you are. You are just doing whats right. Maybe she needs to try that (do whats right). You are a great sister! Its just too sad that your sister is blinding herself and doesnt realize that. One day she'll realize what a bad mother she has been, and decide to straighten out her life for her kids and family. She should keep in mind that the ones being effected by all of this, are her poor children.
2007-10-19 11:07:20 · answer #3 · answered by beautiful_flower 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're doing your best to be a good aunt. YOU ARE NOT BEING DISLOYAL TO YOUR SISTER. Tell her that he can go against her for child support whether divorced or separated. If it gets too had for him. Child support can be ordered free in every state in the United States (wouldn't cost him a cent) by the local State Child Support Agency. And, who suffers if you don't help with the kids, your nieces and nephews? Once again your sister is wanting to go and come having no responsibility or maturity. The children know what's going on and your reward is that they'll love you forever (don't pay attention to how they act as teenagers).
2007-10-19 11:10:07 · answer #4 · answered by Marty M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not at all. Your sister has serious issues that a bit of therapy could help I think (she sounds bi-polar). You are doing what is right for your nieces/nephews...not to help her ex out. This is all about the kids and they will realize when they are older that even though their mother wasn't there for them, there were other people in their family that love and care about them. You are a good person for looking out for her kids. That it is helping the dad is just a bonus for him, not a decision made to spite her. She should be more concerned about her 4 kids than making his life difficult. I'm glad I don't know your sister, because I feel like shaking her silly. Good luck and keep showing those kids all the love you can. They certainly need it.
2007-10-19 11:08:42 · answer #5 · answered by moongyrl9999 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no your being a good sister .. my sister was the same way always on drugs in and out of jail all the time never really love her son and it was the most painfull thing i ever saw untill i took her by the hand and an 8 hour conversation with her about her hurting her family and her son and husband and me and my other 2 sisters and my mom and i got thrugh to her she dont do drugs no more but she still drinks on the weekend and ill take that over drugs any day ... just sit down with her and try and talk thing out and if that dont work tell her you know what im not going to take this any more it your family or what ever it is shes doing ..... hope i can help.. good luck you need it !!!!
2007-10-19 11:08:19 · answer #6 · answered by ?? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, I'd say you are a pretty good sister. You were there for her for a long time if you only recently told her that. Sometimes people need a little tough love after a certain part.
Besides you are doing what she should be, that is, watching out for kids, making sure they have safe place to be while Dad earns money to support them.
Calling another person selfish or disloyal is a classic trick for those who care only about themselves. Don't let yourself fall for it!
2007-10-19 11:03:29 · answer #7 · answered by SS109 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They're your family too - your nieces/nephews are, and you seem to have a friendship and respect for their father as well.
In my opinion, children should stay with whomever is best suited to look after them - in this case it seems to be the father, as the mother seems to be putting more energy into hating and hurting him than loving and raising her children.
I find that very hard to understand, even on a hypothetical level, how a mother can be so callous toward her own children.
You are not a bad sister in my opinion. I believe you are being a good Aunty. I am sorry you have to go through this kind of thing.
2007-10-19 11:09:39 · answer #8 · answered by Sorgatani 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are a great sister and a wonderful aunt, keep doing what you are doing for the kids, and your brother in law, they need you. don't let her put the guilt trip on you, she needs to get her act together and grow up. One parent turning their back on them is enough, so don't you turn your back on the kids, and your brother in law, this is all they have left as far a stable home right now. No disloyalty lays with you, you are just putting the children first.
2007-10-19 12:17:54 · answer #9 · answered by carmel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no, ur just being a good human being, and your doing wats best for the kids, yes shes your sister, but that doesnt mean if she is wrong, u take her side just bcuz your her sister, ur realted to the kids too, and u should be paying attention to them, not her, they need u more than she does. she is an adult, and there just kids, who need love and care, if not from there own mother, then from u. u should always take the right path in life, and even if your sister "thinks" ur being disloyal, u shouldnt care bcuz she is being very selfish . she shouldnt ask you to do wrong things, like not caring for HER children, she should want the best for them, if she cant take care of them herself she should atleast let someone else do it! i dont know why she would want to make the childrens lives harder? keep taking care of those kids! they need u...ALOT!
2007-10-19 11:13:42 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you are is a good aunt! Keep doing what you are doing to help your brother in law and the children. At some point your sister will either grow up and realize what she is doing or she'll leave the picture forever. Best wishes to you and god bless
2007-10-19 11:34:47 · answer #11 · answered by chase5764 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋