What are your thoughts about online flirting, like on R&S? What qualifies as cheating?

Question

A lot of us have spouses, fiances, or other significant others here. And a whole lot of us flirt. It's just innocent joking and playing around for the most part. What do you think? At what point does it become inappropriate? If your significant other were to read everything you say on here, how would he/she respond?

I was recently reprimanded by one of my female contacts, who I email rather regularly. She thought I crossed a line, and it upset her because she knows I have a girlfriend. I didn't see it as inappropriate. I'm wondering what people's individual standards are.

Answer 1

Being playful in answers is fine... when phone calling, intimate messages, or other forms of "intimacy" develop... it's crossing the line.

Answer 2

I am a little old fashioned when it comes to these things. I believe that when you are in a relationship friends, e-friends included, of the opposite sex, take a back seat. If I were to go to dinner with a male friend, I would not go without my boyfriend. If I were married, then I would not do anything with male friends without my hubby present. It really is too easy to slip from an innocent friendship to a relationship without even meaning to. It is little things that add up and turn into big things.

I think that online relationships are much scarier because of the discreet nature ot them. You can chat and email and talk online without anyone ever knowing. You can get email accounts that your better half doesn't know you have. I think that online flirting is much more dangerous than real flirting. There is something about it being a virtual setting and not reality- that makes you say that it is not harmful Yet at the same time you are emotionally involved, and you should only be emotionally involved like that with your spouse or BF/GF.

Answer 3

It isn't the ACT... It is the deception and guilt associated with the act that makes it cheating! If you flirt to be cute and your partner knows that you are just being cute then it is ok... If you HIDE WHAT YOUR DOING from your partner THEN it becomes Cheating. It is the difference between Cheating and being in a Poly Relationship. Being Poly means that you have discussed dating other people and BOTH OF YOU ARE OK WITH THAT. While doing the SAME EXACT THING behind your partner's back is just wrong and hurtful. If you feel the need to flirt or cyber behind your partner's back then it means that you need to get out of the relationship be for you do even MORE damage by having him/her find out what you are doing!! He HONEST and it may still hurt but at least you won't be a MAJOR prick... Just an @$$hole X.

Answer 4

I think anything short of "taking it to the next level" (i.e. MEETING somebody else, talking to them on the phone or cybering) is probably fine. It's really a case-by-case thing. I think people generally know when they're crossing the line, even if they have a hard time admitting it to themselves.

I don't think we're naturally wholly monogamous anyway, so a little bit of flirting should be acceptable. Besides, I haven't had a good friend of the opposite sex yet that I haven't flirted with just a little. ;)

Answer 5

Once it crosses from an on line friendship to a rea life friendship. Exchanging phone numbers, planning to meet up somewhere.

Anything else is jsut playing around. Even in real life. I would not get angry with my boyfriend for flirting with someone while at work. If it gets to the point where they are talking on the phone or going to lunch together, I would get angry.

Answer 6

I think it would only be inappropriate if you physically met the person and physically did anything. Otherwise it is completely innocent. When you j*** off are you always thinking of your significant other? If not, is that cheating? Same thing.

Answer 7

Here's how you know if something is inappropriate; would you say what you are saying to your "friends" if your girlfriend was present? If you wouldn't say it if she was standing there next to you, then it's inappropriate. Period. Flirting can cross a line, whether it's online or off. Use the head on your shoulders.

***Emailing someone on a regular basis that your girlfriend doesn't know about IS cheating. If you haven't told your girlfriend about it, it's because you don't want her to know, that in itself speaks volumes.

Answer 8

I keep it pretty innocent. My wife would be upset if she even knew I was in Y!A though. Not because of the flirting, but because she isn't around. This is my 1 escape, she's integrated into every other forum I frequent. That is also why most of you don't know much about me too.

You guys are my dirty little secret!

Answer 9

Flirting is a little weird - I don't see the point considering I'm not in the market. That's not to say I don't like talking with people, but the flirting does seem weird to me.

Answer 10

i personally think that flirting is innocent fun and doesn't mean anything. i flirt with lots of people in real life and online, but i would never act on any of the stuff i flirt about if i have a significant other. most of the time the people that i do flirt with know i have a partner, but its just innocent fun between us. my girl flirts with people but its all in good fun. it actually gives us things to talk about when we are together. i don't think anything is cheating until you "act" or have the
"intention to act" on whatever it is you're talking about.

Answer 11

harmless flirting is only harmeless if you really dont want anything to happen with anyone
its harmful then, otherwise its just fun
everyone flirts, it makes us feel good

when its secretive thats also harmful, because its something you will keep to yourself and it builds up, and becomes more an attractive prospect because of the 'naughtyness'

obviously though it all depends on what your relationship 'rules' are whether you and your partner agree on these things etc