got drunk and made out w/ a married man....?

Question

okay, dont judge...it was my bro's b-day yesterday and we all went out to celebrate. there is this bartender at the local pub right up the road from my house and he constantly flirts with me. i made the mistake of one time making out w/ him to find out later he was married. sooooo....you think i would know better but they say alcohol clouds your judgement...anywho, apparently i made the same stupid mistake again after he gave me and my bro a ride home but i swear he came on to me (still no excuse, i know) now i feel horrible and am replaying the night over and over again in my head. when i go up to the pub again do you think i should say something to him? (like "sorry" or "you are a creep" "cheater") something along those lines??? or should i just pretend it never happened???

i know people out there are gonna call me a whore or slut or whatever....but dont judge cuz i dont care.

Answer 1

You shouldn't call him anything because you are no better than he is.

Answer 2

If you didnt care you wouldnt warn.

The person calling you all those names ... is you. Nobody here needs to say a ting for those words to pierce you.

Here is the truth - the bartender sees drunk people, including women, all the time. He learns to tell if they are above their limit or not, and knows whats going on.

The words you are saying to yourself are NOT TRUE. Be a creature who loves truth. The truth is that he knew you were above your limit, he initiated, he pushed, because he wanted something he thought he could take from you.

You showered, and washed your clothes, removing evidence. The shame or bitterness got to you. You should not have done those things, but instead went to the local ER and got something called a "rape kit" done to you. What that man did is legally rape. Its rape.
If you dont shower, and you dont wash your clothes and you go to the ER in under 3 days after it happened, then they can take dna samples and prove that it was him. You can prove method, motive, and opportunity.

Its likely that you are not the only cute girl who goes over her limit there. Its likely you are not the first (or last) girl he has done this to.

Get yourself a "day after" pill that will guarantee that you dont catch aids or syphilis or herpes or any one of the hundreds of thousands of sexualy transmitted diseases that are carried by people who dont practice monogamy.

You need counseling. You need to talk to someone that has a doctor-patient confidentiality, who can be objective and real, who wants to help you get through this and come out healthier.

Here are some sites that talk about rape, why what happened to you is rape, and how to get the best help afterward:

- http://familydoctor.org/online/famdocen/home/healthy/crisis/314.printerview.html
- http://www.rainn.org/
-http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/rape.html

It was rape. You are not a slut. He initiated it. He should have known better. It is not your fault. You need qualified help and can find it at the links above. They are all started from NIH. If you read only one link read the top one.

Answer 3

You are single and he is married. he is the one that took vows so he should be feeling bad. Maybe he does this all the time. If I were you I would find a new pub to hang out at and stop going over to that one. If you don't want to find a new pub my suggestion would be to not drink to the point where you can not control your actions anymore and tell him that you know he is married and you want him to stay away from you or you are going to talk to his wife. Good luck.

Answer 4

OK. Everyone regrets stupidity. Why the hell would you go with him in a car if you already know that he's a perv.?
Listen. If you get drunk again don't do it in his bar. What you should do is get it off your back and tell him that he is a perverted fag who has no respect for anyone and likes to take advantage cuz he's got no balls. Or something like that. Do not try and forget about it. because you won't. Unless you go to him and say what you feel it will always be in the back of your head. AND don't do it tomorrow. Do it right now. "do not push to tomorrow what can be done today"

Answer 5

Go to a different bar/ pub. Or don't drink around the guy. Do you know his wife, if you don't find out who she is and what kind of person she is. You're right, he is a jerk, but half of it falls on you too, so knock it off.
Next time you see him tell him you don't wanna come between him and his wife and that you're not gonna do anything else with him.
BTW you can have fun without getting drunk. Try it, you'll be amazed what a pain in the butt drunks are.

Answer 6

Being a man, I'm gonna hv difficulty experiencing this situation from a girl's side. However, I think, anything you say is not going to make no difference to the situation that has happened. Instead its going to lead to more discussions with this man and more embarrassment to you.

So its best to avoid opening this topic with him. If he does try taking more chances with you again, you must make it clear that you despise him and don't want things to be repeated again (I wonder if that's going to make any difference to him though).

Finally, stay away from factors that cloud your judgement - especially when you are near around that man!

Answer 7

I just think women crave compassion and attention and he must be giving you that.Showing you some kind of *attention*...
I say though explain to him you made a mistake and really do not want to get into with him or his wife.If he ever divorces her come look you up if you are single.Do not get in middle of hubby/wife it can get so nasty rarely the other girl gets the man (sometimes she does)....let him see you out with another man also so he knows you have moved on from him..lol

Answer 8

Don't jugde him either, you both did worng. But don't let it eat you alive, we all make mistakes. If he is a married man, he shouldn't be putting you in a postion like that. I would say be honest with him, and if he doesn't like it oh well. If you go back in the pub pretending it never happened, he will keep persuing you, and things could keep progressing, and lead to sex. Just tell him like it is..

Answer 9

No name calling here. It is your option to say or not to say anything to him. You can't call him any names because the second time you knew he was married and it happen again. Learn from your mistake and move on with your life. If or when you see him again, say hello but nothing else after that. I hope this helps.

Answer 10

you have innner feelings for him so thats why you made out with him the 2nd time , alcohol definitely clouds your judgement , you are trying to suppress your thoughts when you are not drunk with logical reasoning , this realtionship is a disaster , my advice go to the bar talk to him saying whatever happened shouldnt have happened . stop going to that bar and move forward with your life , I am not giving advice on how to live your life coz its ur life baby , but need to sort out prorities and work towads them , see wether going to the bar , getting drunk and making out with a married man helps in your prorities of your life or not .... just my opinion

Answer 11

Well you cant blame the guy if you were an active participant!! Yes he is a pig but you kissed him too!!! When you go back there just ignore him and be civil and if he asks you whats wrong just say that you feel bad for his wife and it does not make you feel good about yourself to mess around with a married man!!