My 4 year old son has listening issues and a short attention span?

Question

Hi! My son is in pre-school and the teacher mentions that he cannot focus more than 5 minutes on a task at hand. This isn't to say that he has ADD - because when he has a toy or game he likes he can play with it for a long period of time (like lego, train sets, puzzles, playdough, racketball, soccer)

It's the reading, writing and listening comprehension that is a problem. Right now they get exercise sheets with shapes or pictures that they have to color in the apple red, or color the triangle green. Which he does well for a bit and then loses interest. It's getting to the point that he is not interested in going to school. He tells me he doesn't like doing it. etc.

He also has a problem with doing what people ask of him if it's not something he wants to do. That probably causes a bit of friction bet. him and others.

I'm nervous that I will have to struggle with him later on in his primary school years when he isn't interested in following directions. etc.

* i wanted to add examples of his non-listening skills

1) when I tell him it's time to leave a store (even if I give him time to adjust to that fact that we have to leave) he will be extremely difficult at times - he will make his body heavy, slide out of my arms or scream and yell)
2. I can say do not jump on and off the bench at a bus stop and I have to hold on to him tightly to stop him from continuing - even after I explain that there is an old lady sitting there and you are bothering/hurting her

3. If I tell him please do not yell - he will within 3 seconds test me and yell again just to see what I will do..

with regards to hitting: It doesn help at ALL - seriously I tried - he only behaves worse and starts to scream and yell and throw things

Answer 1

I think the problem is adjustment issues:

Your child appears to have ritualistic behaviours which he must do to maintain his calm and focus. The puzzles and trains calm him down. When his activities are interrupted, his focus and concentration are broken and he gets agitated.

I do not this is autism or asperger’s syndrome, but rather adjustment disorder with agitation.

These behaviors tend to be aggravated by a stressor such as being punished in school, removal of his calming activity or change in scene.

I would recommend a child therapist.

I would also suggest integrating his calming activities with the tasks that he does not like to do, but must perform. Such as learning ABCs with trains. Or playing ball and each time he catches the ball he must answer a school related question.

Regarding waiting for the bus. Have him bring an activity along to keep him occupied so he will not bother little old ladies.

I know this sounds difficult but try to remain calm. He will sense your agitation and feed off it. If he is being disagreeable at home, give him his toys that help relax him and leave the room for a few minutes.

I wish you lots of luck.

Answer 2

Hi! I have a 4 year old girl and a 5 year old girl. Sounds like he is testing his limits. I had the same problem. Try a reward chart with stickers ( If he does what ever tasks he gets a sticker and after 25/50/75 stickers he get some reward (like getting to pick the dinner for the night, or going to the park). Also whatever you do, don't waiver on anything (NO means NO, even if it is easier to just give in). He may be gifted. Gifted people become bored easily in settings that average people find tolerable (like school or work). Boredom leads to restlessness, and restlessness leads to all sorts of problems. Get his IQ tested, maybe he isn't challenged enough at school. Good luck to you! You sound like you have a brillant little guy there!

Answer 3

the preschool. OK, they should not 'require' a child and to sit and do dittos at this age. Dittos should be in a writing area as a free choice activity. Surprisingly, the kids reluctant to do worksheets will do them in the writing area. I usually have one or two that are still not wanting to go to the that area. Then, I find them a buddy that loves doing papers and send them off together. Next, number 2 & 3 tell me you possibly explain a situation to death and then ask 'permission'. This of course is done accidentally, many 'modern' parenting mags tell us this is what to do. Why explain leaving a store? Have your child pay for an item, or help you carry a bag out. Jumping on a park bench, 'apologize to granny' and sit down, you are being rude'. shows like Suppernanny and Nanny 911, and parenting guru Dr. Rosemond offer good tips. Nanny 911 has a book out there "For all your parenting emergencies'. good luck! remember, youare the parent, and your child's first teacher !!

Answer 4

You say your son is able to focus when there's something available that he's interested in. It seems like it's the preschool setting that's revving him up.

Children who have hyper-sensitivities to sounds / commotion sometimes end up getting totally overloaded and become hyperactive because they can't process all that's going on around them.

Have you thought about talking your pediatrician about getting him a developmental eval? (Most insurance companies will cover this if it's recommended by your ped.) Maybe your son could benefit from some coping techniques that would be taught to you (and him) by an Occupational Therapist - but the need for those sessions would be determined by the eval I mentioned.

Answer 5

Have you had his hearing tested? How about his eyes? you may have to try other things like time out, 1 minute for each year he is old. He is a young child maybe he just hasn't developed the skills he needs. I think you may be able to work with him at home. I taught my youngest son to sit quietly by sitting with him every day. I tried not to make it be a long time but we sat until he could sit for 5 minutes. As far as the doing what people telling him what to do-- how does he respond to you at home? This is the time to find out what the problem is and then seek ways to correct it. The older he gets the harder it will be if you don't. Maybe talking with his doctor can help.

Answer 6

I think you summed it up in example #3. He is testing you to see what you will do. That is exactly what all children do. They test the limits. They try to find out if no really means no. At this age and younger children don't learn by hearing rules this does not make sense to them, explaining why is not usually helpful yet. They learn by experiencing consequences for their actions both positive and negative. Look into some parenting classes or parenting books. Positive Parenting by Glen Latham is a good book. Or for somthing more simple SOS help for parenting is a good resource http://www.sosprograms.com/drclark.htm.
Generally the trick is to be consistent if you are giving a direction that must be followed. 1. phrase it as a statement not as a question. "it is time to go home." NOT "are you ready to go now?"
2. if the direction is not followed repeat the direction with a warning (preferably a positive and negative consequece) "it is time to go home if you leave now we can go home and play (insert preferred toy our activity) if you refuse then you will have a time out and no (favorite toy). 3. Follow through with the appropriate consequence. Also when children start to become challenging we tend to focus on the negative behavior and the child starts to recieve most of the attention from us when he is misbehaving. IF he is behaving well we tend to think .. thank goodness we have a break and just hold or breath whle it lasts. We should provide more attention prasie, rewards and attention for good behavior. Catch your child being good at least 4 x more often than you have to redirect or correct him.
Good luck! and persever and be consistent in all things.

Answer 7

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Answer 8

As the parent, you need to become more consistant. Simply saying, 'I am consistant' doesn't mean you are.

Today's parents are, on average,very overwhelmed with work, school, social life, extra curricular activities, etc. So, we tend to be more lax than parents decades ago. We let things go that aren't getting to us at a particular time, but snap when they do it at a time that is not 'convenient' for us.

Stop...Think Back....have there been times when your child acts up, but you smirk and turn your head, ignore it, simply say 'don't do that' and continue the dishes, etc.? These are all instances that let children think they can get away with stuff...but these are also the instances that take us 2 steps back for every 1 step forward we achieve.

Again, my suggestion is to be consistent. Find ways to redirect your child to avoid confrontational moments. Find discipline techniques that they understand, it has to be meaningful to them to work. Since your child already tests you, this will take time...but don't give in, because you will have to start at square 1 again, and again, and again. The process of 'reprogramming' your child will undoubtedly exhaust you...but, the end reward will be well worth it.

You also need those near you and your child to jump on board and help follow your choice discipline techniques.

Here are some things that worked for my son (now age 5)...and my 3 nieces (ages 5, 4, and 2).

Naughty spot...within view of the family/friends. Then they see what they are missing out on. Time limit should be 1 minute for each year old the child is (5 years = 5 minutes).

I once told my son I was taking away his cartoons...his response was 'can I watch a movie'...I said no, then he asked to play computer. I decided to explain 'PRIVELEDGES' to him. I explained TV, movies, computer, games/toys, [anything fun], was a priviledge and when he was naughty he would lose his priveledges. This eliminated the 'what about this and that' questions.

Soap...I take just a dab of dish soap on my finger and run it across his tongue and between his teeth and lips when he screamed. The first few times, he screamed louder to show he was 'boss'. After the 4th time (or so)...he learned not to scream.

These are just suggestions...you have to find what works for you and your child. Something that means something to them and something that you can be consistent with.

You also have to be able to choose your battles. Let them win sometimes so that they can learn compromise :-)

Hope this helps.

Answer 9

sounds like you are gonna raise a breat if this continues, i have a little borther like this but it came into being because my parents seemed to lighten up after each of my brothers wore born i was like this but my parents were tougher on me its in the raising not this thing called ADD. okay why does their always need to be a doctor involed its pretty pathetic little kids have their own character but like i said those first few years are important i reccommend you do some research or books. it gets to me when people want to always get the easy way out of thing not knowing that that could be harming their kid. i read that in a study 4 out of 6 kids were misdiagnosed with add and the 1 of the other 2 left had only light form of ADD.

Answer 10

You are dealing with immature behaviors and he does not sound developmentally ready for the paper/pencil tasks that the preschool teacher is presenting and/or the style of response that is required for these tasks. Learning shapes and colors and listening skills can be learned in different ways than through exercise sheets.

As far as behaviors, there certainly are things that you can do with your son to train him to comply and not throwing fits. If you would like to email me off list, I would be happy to share ideas with you--too long for an "Answers" response.