i dont know what my daughters going to do next?

Question

right, my daughters best friend and some other mates of hers, were killed in a crash 4 weeks ago and Joe, my daughters best mates dads said he's wrote on here and people give good answers, so i thought i would give it ago. my daughters best mate and her best mates boyfriend, my daughters boyfriend and 2 other girls and two other lads they were mates with where in a crash. one of the girls survived but she is in hospital with serious injuries. my daughter did not go out that night and i am very grateful that she didn't because she probably wouldn’t be alive now if she would have. but my daughters completely broken down. she says she wishes she was in the car with them all when they died. she doesn’t eat anymore,. she has said that she is thinking about killing herself so that she is with them all. i am so scared at what she might do. she doesn’t let anyone touch her or show anyone any feelings anymore. i have tried to get her to go to counselling but she says she doesn’t need it. help x

my daughter only 15.
all her friends were 15.
appart from the driver who was 18.

Answer 1

Sit her down and tell her this:

"Honey, I know you are going through a difficult time. I just want to let you know that I am here for you and I love you and whenever you need to talk - I'll be hear waiting and ready to listen. Just so you know, talking about it will help relieve some of the hurt that you are holding inside I just wanted to say that I'm worried about you and want to make sure you won't do anything drastic based on the pain you are feeling. If you decide to do anything let me know first so we can discuss it."

Then tell her that you want to hug her - and ask her if it is okay to do that.

Try also to talk to the school (if that is where she is right now) if they are doing anything that is related to the incident. - research some grief groups within your area and give her the names and times and a brief description of it. Rather than go to councelling - she can recover by listening to others who have experienced the grief she has experienced.

Answer 2

Tough question. I can not say what is right for you however I would first of all explain bluntly what her best mates and others are all going to miss out on in life and how had she been with them then she too would miss out on those things which her best mate and the others most certainly would not have intentionaly done. How she should be grateful she has the chance to live a life unlike those who will not. Ask her if that is what her mates would choose for her if they could.Secondly if she is a minor I would accompany her if necessary but most certainly get her some counseling whether she feels she needs it or not, if for no other reason to have her supervised 24/7 until she can come to grips with what has happened. She obviously is going through the process of grieving and processing all that has happened and is in an unstable place emotionaly. I might even take her to her mates grave (s) and ask her to explain to them why she wishes to throw away the gift they most certainly would give anything to have again. (life) Finally if you believe in God pray for her if you don't pray for her anyway and ask for divine intervention to safeguard your daughter and help her through the healing process she plainly needs get thru. This will not go away on its own and so she will either learn to make this a moment she can draw strength from in her future or become baggage she will never unload. You are the adult and her mother so it is your responsibility to do what needs to be done in making every effort to get her help what she feels she needs is of no consequence especially as she cant even think straight at the moment.In many instances dealing with my children I would advocate the soft approach however in a situation like this I would not. I would not want to got to my childs grave because while I took the soft approach she took her own life. Good Luck and God bless.

Answer 3

Unfortunately I don't think you can do to much. Just give her some space but keep a close eye. You could always try and force her into counseling but, when I was forced into it I just told them what they wanted to hear. I also became more suicidal after counseling, I attempted it a few time but finally came to the conclusion that god wouldn't let me leave. Girls and women are more likely to take pills or poison themselves so I keep any of those thing under supervision. A therapist will give her meds to help her deal better, just monitor what she has and make sure she takes just as order. I'd also keep the pills in your possession. I hope this helps a little!

Answer 4

Your daughter feels the same guilt as surely the survivor of the car crash also feels. Stick close to your daughter, letting her know that her departed best friend would expect your daughter to be strong, brave--carry on and help the injured survivor with her issues and feelings.

Let your daughter know that suicide NEVER solves any problem; it's something best friends simply do NOT do.

Together, you and she needs to find a positive way to express out these feelings of sorrow and loss....and make the effort to let go the ones gone on to a peaceful place and live to help others here on Earth.

Answer 5

not sure how old your daughter is but that will help you to deterimine what you should do. Assuming she goes to a public school, you might be able to talk to a school counselor and get recommendations from her. If your daughter feels this way, there is a good chance that other students are grieving also. The school can bring in counselors to help them to deal with this. A child that is resistant to go with YOU to a counselor might be more agreeable to see one in a school setting with others who are grieving too.
If she talks of dying, be sure to tell her that you KNOW that her friends would want her to LIVE! If she is religious, tell her that if she were to kill herself that she wouldnt see them because she would go to hell
Tell her that she HAs to live for them...maybe you can take her to plant a flower at the place where the crash happened. Get her help in starting a scholarship in their names....help her to get on with the business of living but tell her that that does not mean that she has to forget them. Have her to visit the friend in the hospital
could be that if she sees her fighting to live she will want to live to assist her
if all else fails
tell her that YOU need her to live for YOU! Let her see how sad the other kid's parents....those parents might appreciate knowing how much thier child touched their daughter's life. your daughter will have someone who intimately understands her grief and they might help each other. At the very least, your daughter can see what you would be going thru if she were to die. ask her if she would wish that for you....
Do what you can whatever you can
This is such a scary time, be sure to do what you can to make your home safe ~ remove guns, lock up aspirin, use 'safe' windex and other cleaning products. Sure she could hurt herself anyway but dont make it easy!
u will be in my prayers

Answer 6

My sincere condolences..Tell her she can't change the past... just try and move on. Life goes on, and feeling sad is not going to help at all. I guess everything was fated, and that she was meant to live. Sooner or later we all have to go, its just when. The best thing to do would be to make the best out of life while it lasts, and help others, maybe do volunteer work at hospitals etc... Even if she could not save her friends, she might be able to save many others in future too by working hard now.

Answer 7

you could try the soft approach. tell her she is inflicting pain to those who loved her and what she is doing now is not going to change the fact. she should be doing what a friend should be doing and that is comforting the parents of those dead friends. i believe this is what her lost friends would love her to do. carry on with life for them as they are no longer able to do so now because they would want her to lead a colourful and meaningful life. this is a difficult period for your daughter too...do happy stuff together as a family and draws her back to the norm. this will take time but be patient and hang on there for your daughter. i wish you all the best : )

Answer 8

In these case she just needs a listening ears, shoulder to cry on and time to heal.

When she says she does not need counseling i think she meant it, however, this does not mean that you don't keep an eye on her (incase she did something silly).

It takes quiet time to ponder and heal when loosing loved ones before one can cheer up and be more objective.

Just give her listening ears, be sympathetic. Tell her that you are here incase she needs anything from you. And refrain from asking her too many questions.

Answer 9

Fine you are her mother talk to her gently that she is pretty young and what ever happened was fat of them. Tell her politly that if we have life we can do a lot, get a lot but everything happened with life. She is in sudden showk thats why she is broken give her some days so that she can out of that showk and can understand the things normally

thx

Khalid

Answer 10

four weeks is such a short time for her to try and get it straight in her head, let alone being ok with you.
i know you love her and all you want to do is make it ok for her. anyone with children know it is heartbreaking to see your child in pain and not be able to help. for now i think all you can do is let her know that you are there for her when she is ready. maybe if you talk with any of her other friends they might try to get through to her.
if you are worried about her health or safety then i think that as the adult you must take action but if she is ok for now then give her some space. be there. love her and have faith.
i sincerely hope that things work out for you.