what is going to happen to my daughter, i just don't know what shes going to do next?

Question

right, my daughters best friend and some other mates of hers, were killed in a crash 4 weeks ago and Joe, my daughters best mates dads said he's wrote on here and people give good answers, so i thought i would give it ago. my daughters best mate and her best mates boyfriend, my daughters boyfriend and 2 other girls and two other lads they were mates with where in a crash. one of the girls survived but she is in hospital with serious injuries. my daughter did not go out that night and i am very grateful that she didn't because she probably wouldn’t be alive now if she would have. but my daughters completely broken down. she says she wishes she was in the car with them all when they died. she doesn’t eat anymore,. she has said that she is thinking about killing herself so that she is with them all. i am so scared at what she might do. she doesn’t let anyone touch her or show anyone any feelings anymore. i have tried to get her to go to counselling but she says she doesn’t need it. help

my daughters only 15.
all her friends were 15.
exept the driver who was 18.

Answer 1

Time heals all wounds! She is clearly suffering from survivor's remorse. As a mom you NEED to schedule a appointment with a therapist. She needs to work through these issues. Everyone handles tragedy differently, a therapist will help.

Good Luck

Answer 2

Sorry to hear about this. From experience different kind of people deal with grief in different ways. It seems that from reading what you have put she is blaming herself which is a natural process. Also not eating could also be a sign of self punishment which is also part of the grief, anger & anixiety process. If she is not ready to go to counselling, from my own experience I would not try and push the issue because she may rebel even more and really dig her heels in. I would encourage her either by writing it down in a book/diary or send you an email about how she is feeling. It seems that her Guardian Angel was watching over her at that moment in time. She will get over it in her own time and there are also other things that she can look at like Bach Resuce Remedy which helps deal with what she is going through. A few drops on her tounge on a daily basis will help her to ease what she is going through. I feel for you both because its heart breaking watching someone that you love go through so much pain. Again from experience my own kids had to hit rock bottom before they came up again. Don't blame yourself because you doing all you can to help her through this and there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Blessed Be X

Answer 3

Your daughter has suffered a huge loss and is feeling tremendous guilt over the fact that she is still alive while so many of her friends are not. This is not something that will pass quickly and it sounds as if she is in a dangerous place. I would find a therapist who works with teens and take her there. I understand that she may not want to go, but you need to make sure she is safe. Tell her she should go for three visits. If the therapist feels after that that she is ok, you won't push. If she feels after three visits she doesn't want to continue, agree but with the stipulation that if she continues having feelings of wanting to hurt herself or you see other evidence of depression (not sleeping or sleeping all the time, no interest in things, falling grades, personality changes) that she will go back in without a fight. If she still refuses, then the next time she mentions hurting herself, go to the nearest ER. This is not something to wait and see on.

Answer 4

Poor girl. She must be devastated! You need some professional help. There are lots of sites on the internet. Try the link below.

Does your daughter have another friend who was in the group, but not there that night? Sometimes it's easier to talk to someone else who is going through the same thing. They can then help each other.

Could you talk to your family doctor about this? He/she might be able to find you someone who can support you in supporting your daughter through this. Maybe you could see the grief counselor to find out how best to help your daughter. You are going through this too, and you need to make sure that you stay fit and well so that you are there for your daughter.

Answer 5

How terrible. I am so sorry for you all.
My daughter's best friend's mother died early this year and it has affected us all in ways we could never have foretold. My daughter is in turn, terrified I will die, guilty that I am alive and she has a mother unlike her friend, needy for advise and help and just in general, crazy and mixed up, along with all the usual teenage angst.
You do sound like you need professional help and I would definitely get some. I too would be afraid if your daughter went beyond just talking about wishing she was dead, with her friends.
If she talks to you, good. And do tell her, that her friends would never ever want her to join them.
Kids need the support of their friends, sometimes even more so than they need their family.
Please speak to your doctor and get some practical advise.

Answer 6

First of all,she needs help,profesional help.One thing you might be able to say to her, is that she knows her friends and that they would not want her to harm herself.They would want her to live,laugh,love,and enjoy life.Life is too short as it is and she will meet them again soon enough.I think God must have more for her to do here on Earth.I believe everything happens for a reason,though we don't always know or even understand it,and we may never understand.She can maybe get some comfort knowing that she has four more guardian angels. Peace be with you both.

Answer 7

I went through the same thing about 7yrs ago. My Boyfriend died in my arms. After his death i blamed myself and said that i wish it was me who died instead of him. I tried to take an overdose of pills, was rushed to hospital a couple of times. I refused to eat etc. I also didnt want to go for councelling. My only advise to you would be to be there for her. Just keep an close eye on her. It is very difficult for her right now and she will feel that she has no reasson to be alive. Give her some time and she will feel a bit beter. Dont forget to give her loads of love. One very important thing, try to get her to talk about the way she feels. Let her express herself. You might not like what you hear sometimes, but it will do her good. The more she talks about it, the beter she will feel. Im not saying that she will forget about the whole thing. She wont. She will only learn to except it and try and move on with her life. I still think of my boyfriend everyday, but i dont blame myself for what happened. I learned to except it and moved on with my life. Your daughter is experiencing mixed emotions. She feels guilty, anger and sad.
Good luck and just have alot of patients with your daughter.

Answer 8

She may say she doesn't need it but get her help right away. It sounds like she she suffering survivor's guilt. because she was supposed to be with them. only professionals can help her. and she needs it fast. I am so sorry that she is going through this. But there was a reason she was not in that car. God has plans for her, help her see that. Do not let her decide if she needs help with this you are the mother force her if you must just do it.

Answer 9

I had depression and had these suicide thoughts just overwhelm me, my advice is to spend more time with her but dont overwhelm her and get her to go out more, being in a room or at home most of the time just makes things seem worse. the idea is to not let her degrade her life style she might not want to do things anymore and being alone just makes things worse. as a mother you should tell her that life has to go on and that life brings us bad things but their ismore to life than just this, you have to motivate her. as far as proffessional help i did not need it as time passed i got a clearer mind and i eventually snapped out of it but if you do get help you still have to be there even more.

Answer 10

I am not sure if this will work ... but try the .. :

If it were you that had been killed in that crash instead of ( name of friends)... would you have wanted (NAME OF FRIENDS) to kill themselves ?

Tell her to live her life FOR her friends .. to reap life's riches and to do so PARTLY for her friends that CAN'T.. tell her to go out into the world and do GOOD things and when people ask her WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT , tell her to tell them she did it for ( name of friend)

tell her to honour the memory of her friends BY LIVING ..

I hope ALL works out for her ... her poor little heart must be aching so much ..