Accidentally blurted out to mum that dad might have had an affair, now dad hates me. What do i do?

Question

Sis & I found out recently tt dad had an affair with a colleague last yr, but we decided to keep quiet abt it. Had a major argument with dad few days back & he made some personal attacks, so i mentioned abt his affair out of anger. Problem is, mum had no idea before this. Regretted it the moment it came out of my mouth & thus told her very vague details, leading her to think it might not be true.

I have the emails tt dad exchanged with the woman & know for sure they had an affair, but when mum asked me, i just came up with some random stuff, & told her to believe what my dad tells her.

But the damage is done, and i can no longer look at my dad the same way again. He also told me 'thanks for breaking up your parents' relationship', and told my aunt tt me and my sis has no respect for him at all.

If i wanted to break em up, i wld haf showed my mum the emails. but she still doesnt know the truth, n i'm torn btwn a responsibility 2wards her, & a responsibility 2wards the family.

Answer 1

It is not you who lacks respect.
He demonstrated that he has no respect for your mother or for you when he had an affair.
It is not your fault that their marriage is in trouble.
Their marriage was destroyed when your father started his affair, not when your mother found out.

You need to tell her the truth, she deserves it.
The last thing you need to do is to protect your father, he sounds like a total jerk.

Answer 2

I feel tt you have done the right thing. If yr dad carried on with the affair, it is a matter of time tt yr mum will find out. Can you imagine what is yr mum reaction if she knows tt both you and yr sis knows the fact but decided to keep quiet abt it. In fact if you keep quiet abt it, it could lead to a bigger problem in future

Answer 3

1; That thing about you breaking up your Mum & Dad's Relationship.......He did that with the affair, He knew it would come out sooner or later!

2; Don't lie to you Mum! If she finds out later and finds that you were lieing to her all this time she may think you were part of this. You & Sis. may lose all contact with both Mum & Dad?

3; The "No Respect" You two know better and your aunt does too. Now that it's out (as regretful as it is!) honesty is the only thing that will get you through this.

4; Worst thing is........if the lies keep up over time you may lose Respect for Yourself! Think About It!!!!

Answer 4

your responsibility to the family is TRUTH!
your MOTHER deserves it. If you are vague with her, you are really no different than your dad-in that ommission of truth is still a lie
Tell her the whole story and let HER decide what she wants to do with it. YOUR mother's HEALTH may depend upon her knowing this truth. What if this hussie has an STD? what if this bytch is at office parties befriending your mother to get information about the marriage....why allow her to be embarrassed like that?
They victim here is your mother! She has been victimized twice by her dad and now by you! I am not sure which one is worse (your dad doing the betrayal, or YOU letting her walk around potentialing obtaining diseases)
She needs to know the truth - let her know that is she stays with your dad YOU and your sister will not think less of her but that she should be allowed to make an informed decision about her future, her health and her stability in her marriage.
As far as the others,
If your dad tells your aunt, then show your aunt the truth too and tell her that it IS hard for you and your sister to have respect for your dad when he did not show your family RESPECT by being loyal and faithful! Tell her how your dad has damaged your life by showing you how easy it is for men to lie to their families in an effort to have alittle fun on the side! THen ask your aunt 'if it was YOUR husband (the aunt's husband) would SHe (your aunt) like to know or would she want to be left in the dark? I am sure your aunt will understand your side in short order!

If your dad accuses you of breaking up the family , tell him that HE did that on his own when he chose to be unfaithful!
Dont let him take this out on YOU! Pretty typical for him to try to shift the blame.
Sure you might want to apologize for HOW your mother found out but that ultimately HE is responsible for HIS behavior!
YOur responsibility is TO your MOTHER's Health!

Answer 5

Hey parents are complicated and so are relationships.
It's not black and white or right or wrong.
It's lots of greys and other colours.
Don't beat yourself up about spilling the beans...**** happens.
Don't take the blame for a broken relationship.
If your father knew it could cause a bust up and that he valued your mother then he wouldn't have had an affair.
Perhaps he's human and makes mistakes?
Perhaps your mum and dad need time and space to work things out.
Be impartial...don't take sides, give them both lots of love.
They are human so are you...**** happens.
work at building back relationships with both your parents, whether they are together or apart.

Answer 6

You feel sad for your mum and for your dad, you don't want them to break up. If your dad had an affair, its okie bcoz its last year. Just forget it, your dad is a GUY. Maybe you can have a talk to your dad that you love him and just mentioned the story out of anger.

Answer 7

you have to get aside with your mother and tell her the truth. If they want to save the marriage then they can but otherwise your father could have another affair tomorrow or the next day.
if that does break up the family, that is his fault and not yours. we are all free to do as we chose but we are also obligated to face the consequences of our actions

Answer 8

first of all, your dad is laying the guilt and responsibility on you by saying that you broke up your parents' relationship. he is the one who broke it by being unfaithful to your mother.

secondly, your dad hit the nail when he said you two have no respect for him...why should you after all your dad commit adultery and has no respect for your mother or their relationship.

as far as being the one to tell the mum anything about the affair, your dad should man up and tell his own wife about it so she can decide to stay or leave him.

Answer 9

Your right. The damage is done. You can't take back what you said. Your mother would have found out sooner or later. If your parents do split up, it's not your fault.

Answer 10

tell ur mother. ur mother deserves better than that, If u were dating a boy and the boy was having sex and taking another girl out on dates and ur mother saw them and knew about it, would u want her to keep quiet? u should tell her hon. Its not good living with that secret. I know b/c my bf lived wit hthe secret that his father was cheating most of his life till the parents got a divorce when he was 16... its hard...

just tell ur mother the truth. ur dad is in the wrong, not u