Divoriced Bickering Parents...?

Question

My parents have been divorced for almost 5 years. My dad is getting remarried to someone who is almost 20 years younger than him and my mother really disapproves of their "materialistic" life style. I made cupcakes for dad and less 4 mom though. She got extremely mad at this and told me that i should just go live at my dad's house. She told me that i would never understand how much pain SHE was in, but i think she will never really understand how much pain SHE has put ME through. I love my dad more than her, but i do love my mother. She wouldn't believe me when i told her that i do love her and than she started telling me that I was so horrible to her because i wouldnt pay attention to her. Im 15!! Why cant i have my own life. I KNOW this sounds "my life as a teenager" thing, but my mom made like 80 plans with me over the weekend so i couldnt hang out with my friends or ANYONE ELSE the whole weekend.
I would really just like some feedback of what do to or if how she acted is OK...

Answer 1

Your mother is very hurt by the divorce and its challenging her self confidence as a mother, amongst other things. She is selfish in reflecting her pain on to you and it sounds like she is using u as a crutch, or some kind of leverage against ur dad. She lost her husband (whether she chose to divorce or not) and now she is very conscious about losing her child. Its a hard place for you because u dont wanna hurt your mom, but at the same time you hold resentment against her for the way she's made you feel. It shouldnt be a "choose your dad or me" sitaution but it seems like thats what she is turning it into, so her pain is self inflicted. Dont feel bad, ur her child, not her therapist or friend. its wrong of her to do that but its very respectable that ur taking her feelings into consideration. Let her know that you dont need to trade one parent for the other, and that you love her just as much. Its not a bad thing to favor one parent over the other, but dont make it obvious. Keep ur head up.

Answer 2

I know exactly what you're going through, so I feel for you. Hang in there- soon you can get away (and you definitely, definitely need to). Why don't you talk to your Dad about moving in with him and his new wife? Tell him what your Mom is doing and why you would rather live with him.

She shouldn't be making you feel guilty for "not understanding" her pain. If she really thinks that people should try to understand others' pain, then try talking to her about how she makes you feel, and the pain that she has caused you. If she gets angry with you, then you know that she didn't really mean it.

There's not really much you can do, but this is your life- yours! Not hers. If I were you I would try to go live with your Dad. If that can't happen, then I would get a job as soon as possible, go to college, and move out as soon as you can. You're in a horrible situation, but you can make the best of it. Figure out what you want to do and how you'll get there- and then put all of your effort into it.

I suggest going to this website and listening to some of the podcasts on family; I think it would help you immensely. There are also a whole bunch of friendly people on the boards who are going or have gone through the same thing, and will have good advice: www.freedomainradio.com

Good luck to you; feel free to e-mail or message me if you'd like to talk further.

Answer 3

How she acted was not OK but it was understandable. She's going to face the fact that your dad remarried when the marriage has taken place. Then she'll start realizing that no matter how much pain she is in, she has to start thinking about a new life for herself with relationships and dating. When that happens, you will be freed up from a lot of 'baggage' that she's been unloading on you lately. Sorry, but it just takes time. It will happen. Try not to favor your dad so openly and that will help.

Answer 4

She is probably just upset... maybe u should try to be there for her. maybe a hug when you get home from school. or an i love you when she looks sad. a goodnight kiss before you sleep. divorce when you have kids is not only about the parents. ( and she should see that.) but it is tough ... do you know why they divrced??? there is just so much to say. for example: my mom left my dad when I was 4 ( now i am 17). She left him and she got with my step dad ( while she was married to my dad) and now about 13 years later she is still with mystepdad and she is happy. My dad on the other hand would feel bad alll of the time... because SHE left him... so maybe HE left her and she feels bad... it is not ok the way she iis acting... try to talk to her and open up to her bacause whenever you need something she is always going to be the one that is there for you... believe it or not.. trust me i know. GOOD LUCK. I will pray for you.

Answer 5

your mother feels lost now that your father is gone and the fact that he is marrying someone so much younger may make her feel older so she is depending upon you to get her past this. You should urge her to get out and do some things to perhaps find another man in her life and when she wants to do things on the weekend, try to do both, whether doing things with her in the morning and with the friends in the afternoon, or with your friends on Saturday and her on Sunday. You are in a bad situation being between the two of them but perhaps it will get better with time I hope for our sake.

Answer 6

There is no daught there's a lot your mother hasn't said.
Why the divorce in the first place. How is it you can say you love dad more than your mom? Who is taking care of you? Do you see your dad? Why would he go chasing and marring a gal 20 YEARS younger than himself, she can't be that much older than you. Don't judge your mother to harshly. She loves you.

Answer 7

No it's not ok to act that way towards you or to put you in the middle it's been 5 years she needs to get a life and let you enjoy your teen years, cause once there gone you can't go back. You can't help how you feel and there must be reasons you feel like you do. Maybe a school counslor or someone could help you deal with the feelings and how to cope with her selfishness

Answer 8

Now, you did note that you loved your father more than your mother and that's playing parents so don't do that...it's not like you can change them in for new ones or that their marital status would give you any excuses. According to your post you are 15 so your "teen life" should be spent growing forward which does include some family time obviously...take care.

Answer 9

the attempt and time positioned into elevating toddlers can usually conceal flaws in a marriage. it may additionally save the mum and father from connecting emotionally with one yet another in the event that they don't look to be paying interest. while the toddlers are long gone, they only have one yet another to handle. particularly situations they locate that the element they liked maximum approximately their marriage exchange into the toddlers. With the toddlers long gone, own critiques could be freely expressed, and this may lead on them to thinking that they actually are not as properly suited as they thought they have been, or they only replaced interior the intervening time. Menopause rather can wreak this variety of havoc if the guy can't compromise or the lady is overly emotional. it would additionally be that they are uninterested in each and every others company. if that's the case, there is possibly little which would be finished to save the marriage. you may communicate over with them and easily ask them why they're at each and every others throats each and every of the time. this might cause them to seem at their habit and splendor approximately it adequate to result a transformation. Or it ought to not. it ought to precipitate a disaster that leads to divorce. this is as much as you to communicate to them or not, yet once you do, i might communicate over with them one by one as a manner to gauge attitudes with out fomenting a disagreement.

Answer 10

I do not have the answer but try drlaura.com.
Good luck.