Baptizing my Infant?

Question

My boyfriend was raised catholic and although he says he's not religious (but he believes in god) he wants our baby to be baptized. I am agnostic (& against organized religion) and strongly believe that the baby should be old enough to CHOOSE to be baptized. He says this has nothing to do with god but with his family tradition and I told him it has EVERYTHING to do with religion. This ended in a huge fight and although I don't want my child to be exposed to religion at a young age, I am allowing his mother to take our child to church and if our child is old enough to verbal express his need for baptism, I will let our child make that decision. This is not compromising to my boyfriend and when i suggested counseling, he told me that the counselor would tell me I was dumb and irrational. It's always a touchy subject with two people have different religious views. I am still in my pregnancy, but i believe this needs to be solved now. I don't know what to do! Did I not compromise? help!

Answer 1

All a baptism on an infant is is annointing with oil and water, and words said over the baby by a priest. That's it. It doesn't mean the child must be christian, it doesn't dictate their religion, none of that.

There are benefits to being onthe Catholic registry, BTW - (I'm on it because my father was Catholic, but I was baptized presbyterian). If you are on the Catholic registry, you can appeal tot he church for aid in times of financial and medical aid. And they will give it.

All the baptism is going to do is make your boyfriend happy and ensure some support for your child in the future, should they choose to use it.

Your child can still choose their own religion when they come of age to do so.

Just let dad have his way on this one - what harm is a little oil and water actually, realistically, going to do?

Answer 2

I appreciate your wanting to figure this out before the child is born. It sounds like you are truly concerned about the welfare of your child. That's good. One wonders if he wants his child baptized (if religion seems important to him), why did he have an adulterous relationship with you (an agnostic)?

How about this for a compromise?

First, define your terms. Get from an objective source, what Baptism means. Since you are an agnostic & he's only a nominal Catholic, go get an education from an LCMS (Lutheran) pastor about what Holy Baptism is. There will be no pressure to join the church, just agree to go & learn about it together. That step may foster some much needed trust between the two of you about the subject.

Speaking of trust, what about marriage? An LCMS pastor can counsel you in this as well.

I don't agree with either those who are telling you "just get the infant baptized--there's no harm" or those who are telling you "don't get the infant baptized--children don't have original sin & need to be of 'accountable' age to make a decision".

The former don't understand that it is important for the parents to be involved in bringing up the child spiritually--that's their most important role as parents. So, if they just take the child to be baptized without intending to raise the child spiritually, Holy Baptism will grant forgiveness of sins, rescue from death & the devil & grant eternal salvation for the child indeed, but how will he/she ever know the great gifts given to him/her in Baptism if his/her parents never teach (or believe them themselves) him/her those truths? The latter are just spouting an untruth about babies not having original sin or the ability to have faith.

Below, I'll include a couple links that may help you if you decide to go that direction.

Answer 3

You say that your boyfriend is not very religious. But he is also from a cathoilc background. For him, baptizing the child is not about being dogmatically religious. In his eyes, he sees baptism as a way of guaranteeing the child's entrance into heaven if something unspeakable should happen to the child before he is old enough to make his own decision.
Because your boyfriend is not overtly religious, I think that it might be possible for you both to get what each of you wants --- let the child be baptized. Your boyfriend's religious concern seem to stop there, so you won't have to worry yourself about him pushing the religion on the child as the child grows up - this will ease your mind and the baptism will ease his mind.

My Dad used to say, "You know it's a good compromise when nobody is 100% happy, and things get accomplished anyway." ;)

Answer 4

Honestly, I agree with you about Baptism being a choice of the one being Baptized. I am a Christian, one of Jehovah's Witnesses.

Baptism is a way of symbolizing one's faith and dedication, an infant is unlikely to have much of either of these.

You don't specify but I am assuming the boyfriend is the Babies father, if so he does have some say, but ultimately the child is yours.

Explain that it IS a religious matter and that since you 2 are deadlocked the unheard party, the baby, needs to decide down the road.

Therapy and/or counseling is a good idea, both as a couple, and as individuals.

You might try talking to a priest, see if he can help you to have a clearer understanding of what they want to do and why so you can communicate to the BF in his terms.

Hope this helps.

Answer 5

First responder is not correct. There is no such thing as original sin, or indeed any sort of sin. Baptism is totally pointless: it accomplishes nothing. But it is exactly that pointlessness that will permit you to have the baby baptized: five minutes after it's over, nobody will care about it -- certainly not the baby. So, go for it to keep the peace.

However, there is a cloud on the horizon: when the child is of learning age, what, if anything, shall he be taught? This is a BIG DEAL. In my household, the subject of religion never arose; I would have been happy to discuss it with the kids had they had some interest in it. They didn't; so far as I know, they have never been inside a house of worship of any sort. This has not kept them from becoming good citizens with whom I am well pleased.

Answer 6

The Bible says unbelievers should not marry believers for this very reason.

However since you have a child already, know this I was a catholic but am not any more.

Most catholics are catholic because of tradition rather than faith. Thus they are not true catholics. however I also believe this is actually Rome's intent, but that is not the pursuit of this question.

Instead I think you should ask your boyfriend if he wants to believe Jesus's words on this matter:

Mark 7: Geneva Bible
13 Making the word of God of none authority, by your tradition which ye have ordained: and ye do many such like things.

Does he want to nullify faith because of tradition, or does he want to obey God?

No where does the Bible allow or speak of infant baptism, but Jesus did do child blessings. Many churches have what's called baby dedications instead of baptisms, I suggest this.

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Answer 7

If you're going to deny the kid baptism until he's old enough to ask for it, then you might as well let the baby feed, clothe, change, and educate himself, too.

Baptism is always 100% effective at accomplishing what it's intended to accomplish.

You may not understand it or believe it, but that doesn't change a thing.

And since you claim to be an agnostic ... WHY do you even CARE about it?

And just in case you're WRONG, baptism does no harm, while it might just make an eternal difference in the life of your child.

Besides, anyone who's been following the news lately KNOWS that the Catholic church no longer qualifies as an ORGANIZED religion.

Answer 8

Well, the counselor would not be dumb and irrational. A typical psychologist would help you guys figure out what your values are, what you're willing to compromise, and what isn't negotiable. Now, without going to a psychologist, ask your boyfriend what part of the baptism is important to him. Is it the family tradition (as far as everybody being catholic?)or is it welcoming the baby into the family in some sort of formal way. If he plans on getting the baby baptized, you will both have to go to classes and pretty much promise to raise him catholic, go to church weekly, etc. and unless your boyfriend is planning on a big life change for himself, he would not be telling the truth. Allowing his mother to take your child to church, I don't know, I know plenty of mothers in law who have secretly had babies baptized. Allowing her to take him to church when he's a little older could be worse. (My stepmother told my children they would go to hell - we're Buddhist, she's catholic - and also piled the guilt onto them when they were younger saying that SHE would also probably go to hell for not convincing us otherwise.)
However, you could have a really beautiful ceremony welcoming him into the family - nothing suggestive of organized religion, just nicely spiritual in the way that nature and the Universe progress in an ever-changing way; and how you hope the family will help him grow up into a loving and kind man through their support, etc. etc.
The "non-baptism" baptism....Sound like a compromise?
Namaste.

Answer 9

You're right. It's not necessary for an infant to be baptized, for though we're all born unto sin, a baby/small child has no concept of the consequences of their sin, therefore aren't guilty of their sin until they reach an age of accountability in which they're mature enough to understand the concept of sin and the need for salvation and living a Christian life.

Answer 10

I recognize your statement about agnostice beliefs, but let me suggest that the Bible does not endorse children being baptized.

Mark 16:16 "He who believes and is baptized will be saved; but he who does not believe will be condemned"

It is only someone who believes (i.e. knows and understands what they are doing) and is baptized who is saved; you are right to say the best answer is to let the child decide.

On the converse point, it is not a harm to the child if it did happen; the child will not be transformed or changed or spiritually effected if baptized as an infant, just wet.

I hope that you are able to work things out......