I have a 15 yr gr daughter who can not seem to get along with her mother, they bicker, fight. My gr dtr recently didn't come home after school, she wants to live with me. She doesn't realize I am a bigger tryant then her Mom. I raised mine do I have to raise hers. I love her dearly, but my health isn't the best. Help!!
2007-10-18 17:30:21 · 10 answers · asked by luvsmusiz 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
OK, I believe you meant to say you have a 15yo GRAND daughter who can't get along with her mother, so I will base my answer on that presumption.
You are right!
It isn't your duty to raise your granddaughter. That's her mother's job, even if it doesn't please your granddaughter.
Remind your granddaughter that we don't get to pick, and choose our parents, so we have to learn how to get along with the ones we were given.
I suggest that you talk to your DAUGHTER, & tell her to do whatever is necessary to resolve her differences with HER daughter, even if she has to turn the world on it's edge to do it. That's HER DUTY, not yours nana.
You can help your granddaughter by encouraging her to listen to her mother. Her mom loves her, & has her best interests at heart. You know that we parents aren't perfect, but you can't tell your grandbaby that. Just try to help her to understand that she will have a much happier life if she isn't butting heads with everybody that is really on her side.
Aren't grandkids precious? :-D
2007-10-18 17:57:00 · answer #1 · answered by No More 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes it gets to the point between a parent and a child where their relationship will definitely improve from some time apart. Don't say that you'll take your granddaughter full-time- in fact, that's probably the worst thing to do! Instead, what I'd suggest is that you try to set up a couple days a week where she can stay with you, as long as she follows your rules and all. It's less about the rules themselves than the relationship, and having a place to go so that she doesn't always have to deal with her mother when she's vulnerable can only help.
Don't raise her forever. That's not your job. However, she needs a safe haven- help her have that.
2007-10-18 18:02:35 · answer #2 · answered by silvrene~chan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lay down law!
My brother thought it would be cool to stay with me when I first moved away from home and got an apartment, until he figured out that I wouldn't let him slide on chores and that he had a strictly enforced curfew. He learned then to appreciate my mom and they started getting along better.
This could work for you. Talk to your daughter about it first. Set up a structure for your household. It may be useful to have around a 15yr old if your health isn't the best. Someone to help with cooking and cleaning. But let her know up front that these things are absolutely necesary, and if she doesn't follow through she can't stay.
Either she straightens up and is useful to you around the house, or she realizes she's better off at home.
Or neither happens and you can say you did your best to help and then leave it up to your daughter.
2007-10-18 18:27:22 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having raised your own I'm sure you realize that teenagers fight with their parents. Teenage girls especially fight with their mothers and if you didn't have to go through that then consider yourself lucky.
Unless her mother is abusive or things have gotten to a point where you fear for their well being absolutely to not let her stay with you.
She will only want to be with you as long as things are working out the way she wants, and your daughter will resent you stepping in that way.
Also, if you do this it's like telling your granddaughter that running away because she's upset is okay. This time she ran to your house, where will she run to when she gets mad at you?
2007-10-18 17:43:05 · answer #4 · answered by al_xs_mama_jama 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
newspaper carrier, do a mini-lawn service (you can use people's existing equipment or your own) within your neighborhood, babysit, some places do hire as young as 14. Ask around. A school counselor might have some ideas as well. I also suggest volunteering to see what you want to do once you are old enough to get a job (if you're under 16) that way you have connections established in a field you now know you're interested in, like at a hospital, nursing home, YMCA, etc.
2016-05-23 15:11:04 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to take your daughter aside and give her the ultimate pep-talk.
Tell her that her new mantra is, “If the mama ain’t happy, then NOBODY is happy.” The mama is the ultimate authority. She must step into her power as such.
Then go into:
"You cannot be best friends with your children... you can be their ally, but not a friend.
"You have to be the parent, which means you must use every method at your disposal to instill the values in your children that will help them to be successful in life. They cannot navigate our society without morals, ethics, responsibility and respect. You only have 3 years to get this accomplished.
"If that means instilling respect by means of a well aimed slap on the face or a doubled-up belt across their behinds, then so be it. If you have to take away prized possessions (computer, I-pod, video game), or ground them, that is fine. You do what you must to get the point across.
"You provide for all of their needs, so while they are under your roof, the kids must obey your rules. They must go to school, keep their grades up, do their homework, pick up after themselves and do whatever chores you ask of them. If they will not comply, the door is that-a-way. You have to handle this kid hard and fast."
See if that lights a fire under her rump.
Don't put up with the brat... maybe drag her out into the yard to have her help you with some yard work. Get her to take out the garbage.
2007-10-18 18:35:54 · answer #6 · answered by revsuzanne 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know what, I am in teh same position as your grand daughter. I am 15 and do not like my mother for obvious reasons, not to mention my father hates me and I can't even begin about my brother. I have even got in fist fights with my mom and she's called the cops on me just because I wouldn't come out of my room and lied telling them I hurt her.I want to live with a relative, but she cannot support me let alone she is very old. She told me that I could come and stay with her for a few days at a time when my mom was too much for me, but not live with her forever. She told me I could move out at 18, and she even started a savings account. Anytime she has some extra money, she puts it in there and at 18 she will give it to me to get along on my own. I totally understand it and am cool with it.
2007-10-18 17:40:25 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Daughter and parent bickering? This is normal. Tell her to stay home where she belongs.
2007-10-18 17:40:28 · answer #8 · answered by Delta D 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i would sit them both down and tell them both to grow up. you have had your kids you shouldnt be dumped with more.
2007-10-19 05:39:01 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOU HAVE DONE YOUR PART BY RAISING YOURS, NOW DON'T CHEAT YOUR DAU AND GDAU OUT OF THEIR TURN.
2007-10-18 17:37:28 · answer #10 · answered by nicole t 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋