I just recently have returned to work part-time. My two year old daughter stays with my grandma during the day. My grandma gives her her absolute undivided attention from 12-4:30 when my husband picks her up. I always thought this was a good thing until just recently. Lately she has become very sassy, talking back and wanting CONSTANT attention. The second I walk in the door she wants me to go in her room and play with her. Obviously, I just can't spend every moment playing in her room with her. We spend 30 minutes or so with her every evening in her room with her "playing" and reading. I feel horrible telling her "Mommy can't play right now. I just got home from work & need to rest for a little bit." I feel like she might becoming a little bit spoiled being with my grandma. My grandma NEVER disciplines her. She always uses the excuse that she is "just a baby" and doesn't know any better. How will she ever "know better" if my grandma lets her get away with anything. My husband...
2007-10-18 16:35:43 · 7 answers · asked by Darcy 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
is concerned because things we have taught her like sitting at the table for meals my grandma lets her run around while eating. I know how much my grandma loves her and she would be heart broken if I told her we were taking her to daycare. She's pretty old-fashioned and set in her ways. What do we do?
2007-10-18 16:37:47 · update #1
There is something quite wonderful about the bond your daughter and grandma are able to form. This is a relationship your daughter will likely cherish for the rest of her life. Be sure to take a lot of photos.
With older children in particular (4+), it is quite possible for them to learn that different sets of rules and expectations exist in different places. When your daughter gets a little older, if you teach a certain set of rules at home, she will accomodate to them.
However, a 2 year old really does best with consistency. She is too young to not be confused by so much freedom at grandma's, followed by a more structured set of rules at home. It is time for a gentle talk with grandma about raising her right. Pick just one rule for her to enforce--the one you find most objectionable. Grandma doesn't want to be the "bad guy", but I'm sure she also doesn't want a little monster either. Since they're together at lunchtime, then naptime, then playtime, then pick-up, you might choose the "sitting to eat" rule that you mentioned.
As far as demanding your undivided attention when you return from work, that seems pretty typical of a 2-year-old 100% of the time. If you need time to unwind after work, you need to discuss that with your husband and ask him to play something active with her when you get home. Your daughter is unlikely to be anything but enthusiastic about you.
But, if grandma won't agree to follow the "one most important rule" you choose, then I would encourage you to leave your daughter with her in spite of that. The bond they form is an important and wonderful one.
Do have a talk with your husband about immediate, clear and consistent discipline at home so the 2 of you can provide a united front. Keep to a schedule with her (waking, meals, nap, bedtime) when she is with you. If you are structured and consistent at home, she will eventually understand what is expected and behave well.
Good luck to you!
2007-10-18 17:07:30 · answer #1 · answered by lsmerage 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your grandma what you expect of her and your child. Like how your daughter is expected to eat at the table during meals and how you would appreciate it if she (your grandma) would enforce that. As for discipline and undivided attention, theres really not much you can tell your grandma about that. A babysitter, whether they're family or not, should not be expected or asked to discipline your child. The undivided attention--all grandmas do that and nothing you say or do is going to make your grandma stop spoiling her. You just have to try and help your child understand that mommy cant play all the time. Maybe establish a set time every single evening for play time with mommy and daddy. She'll eventually understand that mommy and daddy can not play until that time. Good luck.
2007-10-18 23:45:33 · answer #2 · answered by Amanda 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's what happens when someone else takes care of your child. Everyone has their own parenting style. I would suggest getting her in a good preschool because there is order and she would not be the only child there. Therefore, she will quickly learn that she can't be the center of attention all the time. This is a common dilemma for all parents. You could tell your grandma your concerns and how you would like her disciplined but I doubt it would help. LOL Grandparents are softies for the grand kids. I bet she wasn't like that with your mom or dad.
2007-10-18 23:46:49 · answer #3 · answered by Spirited Virgo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would definantly talk to the grandmother..with your husband's support of coarse. You are the parent and the grandmother needs to respect your guidelines you set for raising your children. I sort of know where you are coming from..my husband's mother pretty much spoiled our daughter letting her do whatever, she even once let her have a drink of her "mixed drink" saying it was only a sip. That was the last straw. I talked with my husband and he agreed with me that it was wrong to let her run "ramped". So I did have a talk with her. I did not get mad at her, I just simply told her we did not agree with what she did and that we were her parents that wish for the guidelines we set for her to be respected. I was surprised that she said she would respect our feelings. I hope you get this figured out because it will only get worse as your daughter grows and becomes more of a miss spoiled "brat" - sorry for that last word.
2007-10-18 23:53:32 · answer #4 · answered by rebecca l 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
discipline her. also tell your grandma the way you are disciplining her. But make her understand.
She may have no understanding in what she does until she's four or five but are you going to wait until she's set in those ways.
Ask your grandma for cooperation. If she doesn't send your child in a day care.
2007-10-18 23:46:34 · answer #5 · answered by fionamarie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell grandma this one rule we have to follow..when she eats she has to eat at the table...as for taking her somewhere else maybe every other day if you cant talk to her and to keep it from being a huge drama blowout..although in the end she is your daughter and you have to do what is best for her
2007-10-18 23:45:02 · answer #6 · answered by bailie28 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her to be strong. She'll be fine.
2013-10-11 10:38:05 · answer #7 · answered by Carlie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋