So I met a mom who joined my playgroup website. We met at a local bookstore for storytime, with our kids. We had a little bit of language barrier problems but I was patient and tried to be all ears and supportive during our conversations, even though I sometimes didn't understand when she spoke and vice versa. English is her 2nd language and I think Russian and German is her first. She was also blunt and showed no expression and very rarely smiled. I tried to be friendly and smiled often so her first impression of me is positive. But my first impression of hers was not so good but I smiled anyway and tried to be positive.
When I emailed her when I got home, I included in the email "Sorry, we had a little bit of language barriers. Hopefully, this will improve in the future. :-) " I also confirmed the date of our next meeting.
Well she emails back and says "I didn't have any language barriers. I understood you perfectly. Maybe it was you who didn't understand me."
This is offensive.
2007-10-18 16:10:22 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I think she got defensive with me when I apologized for the language barriers comment. I wasn't attacking her, I was directing the comment to the both of us.
I feel like I have to try so hard to impress this woman, it is so frustrating.
Why was she rude when I didn't do anything?
2007-10-18 16:10:53 · update #1
When I apologized and said about the language barrier statement, I wasn't acting like it's all her fault, it was directed to the BOTH of us.
If you call 1-800 number customer service number and your call redirects to an india call center, and you spoke to a rep who you didn't understand very well (but he understood you), then I think it's acceptable to say about the language barriers. Hope this makes sense.
2007-10-18 16:29:31 · update #2
Sorry but that's ironic that you told me I was insensitive but most of your responses are little insensitive.
2007-10-18 17:25:45 · update #3
hmm. I don't think you did anything wrong. some people are just bitter. she's probably not a happy person and nothing you could have done would have made her happy. by you sending that e-mail, it gave her a "reason" to be mad.
just don't let negative people rain on your parade. don't give it a second thought.
she just seems like an unhappy person and is probably one of those people who thinks the world is out to get them.
don't give it another thought .. things always work themselves out .. I'm sure you're not desperate for people in your playgroup. Just hope she keeps her negativity to herself and doesn't come back to play :]
2007-10-18 17:31:02 · answer #1 · answered by Mommy of One 4 · 1⤊ 4⤋
It sounds like what you didn't take into consideration is that cultural differences go way beyond language. Acceptable social behavior is extremely different in other countries (well, even in just one country! If you take a Malibu, California girl and drop her in the heart of NY City, she'd be lost socially!). A lot of countries do not have the smiling, overly friendly type of interactions, and if you were in her country it would possibly be that you were considered strange. Blunt with no expressions is very common in some countries... and often, eye contact is not appropriate. From what you described about your emails, I didn't get the sense that she was offended or trying to be offensive, it sounded more like she was letting you know that she was not having a language concern. I hope you can let this go and try to understand her on a cultural level along with language... I guarantee it will enrich your life experiences! Good luck!
2007-10-18 16:26:24 · answer #2 · answered by ksta72 5 · 2⤊ 2⤋
I get what your trying to say maybe she just didn't quite get that you were not trying to say her English sucked..but assumed that since you didn't understand her very well that she didn't understand you either it was an honest mistake maybe in the future you can just try to word things alittle better and maybe say to her i apologize for the way my email sounded i just thought maybe we had a little language barrier i'm just trying to be considerate or something along those lines and I'm sure things will blow over:)
2007-10-18 17:00:00 · answer #3 · answered by bellababi44 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
That's not offensive to me.
People rarely get the tone of emails right. I think she took your comment the wrong way, like you were telling her she should improve her English skills in order for you to communicate with her. Both of you are understandably a little on the defensive. Don't worry about it -- just explain that what you MEANT was, you'll get better at understanding her. Her cold expression is probably just because she's nervous -- she's at a disadvantage because she's the one speaking her second language, and maybe she's from a less personable culture too. I bet if you stay warm towards her and give her benefit of doubt you will get along fine. If she really does go on the offensive, you'll know.
2007-10-18 16:22:38 · answer #4 · answered by zilmag 7 · 1⤊ 3⤋
I'm sorry but in my opinion you were rude it sounds like your telling her she needs to practice her english to come to the playgroup.
(If you call 1-800 number customer service number and your call redirects to an india call center, and you spoke to a rep who you didn't understand very well (but he understood you), then I think it's acceptable to say about the language barriers. Hope this makes sense.) Then again maybe you don't want to take two secounds to relize it is not about you and what is easier for you.
2007-10-18 16:44:09 · answer #5 · answered by Heaven 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋
IMO your comment was insensitive. You didn't have the accent, she did. Therefore, the 'language barrier' is of course perceived as her fault, not "yours and hers" shared. If she reacted defensively, it was in response to your insinuation, whether you meant it that way or not.
All you can do is apologize for your wording, explain that you were referring to your own shorcomings (difficulty understanding), and carry on. If that is not successful, cut your ties and move on. There's no going back, only forward.
2007-10-18 17:20:42 · answer #6 · answered by ~Biz~ 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
She wasn't being rude. She was being truthful. Evidently, she understood you perfectly. So she did not have a language barrier. I really don't think she meant to be offensive, she was simply making a statement which explained your comment.
Ease up. You are making a mountain out of a mole hill.
2007-10-18 16:20:15 · answer #7 · answered by artistagent116 7 · 5⤊ 2⤋
Hah I think it came out wrong in her point of view. If you sent that to me I'd be a bit ticked cause it may be saying you didn't understand or worse that her english was a bit bad. Some people take that highly offensive. But then again you answered your own question near the center lol.
2007-10-18 16:14:55 · answer #8 · answered by Steven 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
IMO Don't try and impress just be who you are a friendship is founded on honesty not false presentations of kindness. They almost always show through and are percived as dishonesty. Let the freindship flourish on it's own merits or not at all at the end of the day it about the kids not you.
Are you looking to buy somthing or have a new friend the approach to the two are different and as such you analogy is inappropriate. But if you buy friends ..... live on
2007-10-18 16:28:26 · answer #9 · answered by helix321 2 · 1⤊ 3⤋
By the way you said, language barrier, you probably didn't want her in your playgroup after you found out that her English isn't perfect.
2007-10-18 16:56:46 · answer #10 · answered by KaPaul L 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋