Pallbearer question for religious minded?

Question

If a close relative requested you to be a pallbearer at their funeral, would it be considered wrong to decline the request. If so, why?

Answer 1

In a way, being requested to be a pallbearer is a kind of last service someone can do for a person. If a person hated his relative, that would be good reason not to be a pallbearer. If is person is deeply affected by the death of the relative, that may also be a good reason not to be a pallbearer.

If at all possible, I would suggest accepting the request.

Answer 2

After giving this some thought ... here's what I would do. And religion has little to do with it.

I'd simply tell the relative that I'd consider it an honor (which it is) and that when the time comes you'll do your very best. This person seems to be putting some final things in order, and it's good to be supportive of that and reassuring.

When that time does come, re-evaluate how you feel about it then. That's when you can decline, if you wish. If there aren't enough able-bodied family members or friends to serve as pallbearers, most funeral homes have staff members they can quietly tap for the duty in an unobtrusive way; you could take the funeral director aside and explain the situation, and he/she will take care of it for you.

It's not in the least disrespectful to the one who has passed away. We can make plans or commitments, but can't always anticipate change. If you agree now to be a pallbearer and yet later you're physically unable to do so even if you want to, you'd have to regretfully decline at that point anyway.

Basically, go with sensitivity to the person's need to take care of these details now ... and later, honor their memory. You can do that in many ways other than being a pallbearer.

Answer 3

It's an honor to be asked to be a pallbearer. A reason to decline would be illness, bad knees or something along those lines. If you have a problem with it, tell them you aren't well and ask if you could be an honorary pallbearer. It would be listed on the program as such and would let people know you were asked but were unable to physically perform this function.

Answer 4

If you feel you cannot do it, you should say so.
I was a pallbearer at my grandmother's funeral, she was a tiny thing, and there were like six of us. But OMG, I didn't realize how heavy the coffin would be. I was really, really struggling not to drop my end, and I could hardly do it. I am a very strong (for a woman) person. If you have any physical limitations, you should opt out.
However, there is no religious or ethical reason you should decline. If you would simply prefer not to, it would really have to be a very good reason to decline someone's "final wishes".

Answer 5

It would be wrong to turn down to be a pallbearer if you are capable of carrying and able to do so. It would be a disappointment to the relatives. Me for example has been asked to be a pallbearer recently, I'm willing to do that part. I have done it before a number years ago.

Answer 6

I am far from being religious but i do believe that it would be the right thing to do for that person. I do know that it is a very hard thing to do i lost my great nan a month ago and when my dad was asked to be her pallbearer he weaped like a baby but it was with sadness but also with joy he told me that he would have been disapointed not to be asked because its the last thing he could do for her. So please do consider this you may regret it if you dont! I hope i have helped u a little

Answer 7

I don't think the religion would have any bearing one way or the other and like the other answer, perhaps it would be impolite to refuse, but on the other hand if this is such a close relative that you feel you would be emotionally unable to do that, you should explain that to the person. If this is occurring in your life now and not just a rhetorical question, you can explain that you won't be able to emotionally do that and start putting together what you need, with their help, pictures and so on to establish a memorial for them at memory-of.com, a free site to honor those we wish to honor after death.

Answer 8

Nothing is a have to , well taxes and dying are, but other than that , we all are free to choose..If there is a reason you can not or will not serve then be open and honest and just say so...... You do not have to go into detail about it, just repectfully decline..... I am sure a few feelings will be hurt, they do not just ask people to be a pallbearer, but there are some people who just can NOT feel comfortable being one....... If your not ok with it then please just tell them.... give them time to find another...... go in peace..... God bless

Answer 9

A person can always graciously decline any 'honor'. Perosnally, when my grandmother passed, I wish my uncle had declined being a pallbearer, he almost dropped the coffin due to his bad back. Unless, it was Granny trying to go for one last ride before being inturned.

Answer 10

No, it would not be considered wrong. Let them know you are honored they want to bestow such an Honor on you, however, let them know you just cannot be a pallbearer for your dear departed relative. They will understand.