she's 17, and will be 18 in no time, and dont worry, it wont be statutory rape or anything like that.... its real love, whether you believe it or not;)
her friends (some of them) have told her that it hurts, and that you bleed the first time you have sex. i know she wants to, but its this fear that keeps her from doing this (and i know she's not bs-ing me, because i KNOW her better than anyone else)
honestly, i dont know what to do: i obviously dont have a vagina to play around with and to find out what might decrease or eliminate the pain...
so thats why i'm asking you (guys and girls alike) to help out
anything is helpful, especially personal experiences and sites that tell you how to work with and around this problem.
also, this might be part of a larger problem, and if so, please speak up and tell me;)
thanks a ton in advance;)
2007-10-18 14:50:46 · 21 answers · asked by me 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
If this is "real love", you will be patient and wait until she is ready, without laying guilt trips and pitty parties on her. Don't pressure her.
2007-10-18 15:01:50 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your girlfriend isn't ready to have sex with you. It sounds as if your pressuring her and she is looking for a reason to hold you off. That's why you are the one asking this question and not her. While it's true sex can be very painful the first time, I'm sure her friends have also told her that it gets better and the pain will go away. If she isn't willing to overcome that fear in order to have sex with you, chances are she just isn't ready to go there. If she really wanted/was ready to have sex with you, she would have done so already.
When the time is right, the more turned on she is, the easier it will be for the both of you. It's important not to rush her through foreplay in order to get to your final goal. Take it slow and that should help alleviate some of the pain.
2007-10-18 22:13:13 · answer #2 · answered by Ki 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The truth of the matter is that few women enjoy the first times they have sex. When they're 20 and have had a few bad-to-blah experiences, that's one thing. But the odds aren't good before that, except for a few with unusually high sexual desire (which makes them great catches in my opinion, NOT sluts).
That said -- the best ways to make it not-painful are lubrication, arousal (hers), and relaxation. Lubrication and arousal are NOT the same thing, although happily they go together fairly often. Artifical lubrication can help. Think about how to make her aroused and relaxed at the same time, and you'll be on the right track.
Generally, patience is key. LOTS of patience. Fear and pressure themselves will tighten her up and make things more unpleasant.
2007-10-19 04:43:19 · answer #3 · answered by Curt Monash 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is often discomfort (or pain) and if the hymen gets broken, some spotting of blood. The pain isn't debilitating (or women wouldn't keep having sex!) and if the guy goes slow, has her relaxed and aroused with plenty of foreplay, and uses some extra lube then it should be even less of an issue.
However, if she's not ready don't pressure her...17 is still young and you've both also got to think about STDs (I assume you aren't a virgin) and pregnancy that could be a result. Are either of you ready to deal with those things?
2007-10-18 21:59:49 · answer #4 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly you just need to wait until she's ready. She's most likely going to be afraid of the experience itself anyway even if she does get over the gossip about pain and bleeding. Throwing a bunch of internet info and "advice" from Yahoo Answers at her can be considered pressuring. Just wait for her. I don't know what else to say...wouldn't you rather both she and you have an experience together, where neither of you have inhibitions or fears about what you're doing. Let her decide when it's time...this is not to downplay the importance of your experience with her to you...but this IS her virginity we're talking about...her experience with you...AND for the first time ever... could shape her views about sex for the rest of her life. Let it be on her terms.
2007-10-18 21:59:43 · answer #5 · answered by ^*^ 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Seeing as you two are really committed to each other, my advice to you would be to not force it. I know it might be hard, but she'll come around in time. The important thing for you to do is not to pressure her (not saying that you are, however). If/when you two do find an intimate moment in which sex is (for lack of a better word) unavoidable, or inevitable, or whatever, just be sure to go really gentle. Her friends are right. But though it may be painful the first time, it will be equally as pleasuring for her as well.
2007-10-18 21:56:36 · answer #6 · answered by Keith 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Dont force her. It will happen when you BOTH are ready.I was in the same situationn with my last bf. His pressure upset me so much. It seems like it was all he cared about. This ultimately ended our relationship after a year. You guys have all the time in the world! Take it slow
2007-10-18 21:56:09 · answer #7 · answered by sami 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
do not and I mean DO NOT pressure this girl.
It is obvious if she is worried in that way that she is NOT READY and she's masking her fear with insecurities about various aspects of sex.
I am a woman and from your question its obvious in miliseconds that she is not ready.
It DOES hurt the first time, and you should wait until you're both gung ho, absolutely ready and she's begging for it.
I mean that.
I was pushed into having sex by a guy I was totally in love with, and I could kill him for it now.
He just couldn't wait and wanted it so bad without really thinking, and I mean not only thinking of what she could want... but what's best for her.
You can wait. Wait until she can't resist.
2007-10-18 21:55:36 · answer #8 · answered by 1110011100 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
If she's afraid, whether it's of the pain or anything else, don't pressure her to do it. She's obviously not ready. When she is ready, you won't need a bunch of strangers to help you convince her.
2007-10-18 21:57:56 · answer #9 · answered by WordNerd 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell her to bite the bullet the first time. Yeah, there's going to be a little pain. You just take it easy on her. Then tell her how much pleasure she will have the next 5,000 times she gets nailed by you and however many other guys. I'm interested when you are done with her.
2007-10-18 22:13:57 · answer #10 · answered by Louis Skolnick 3 · 0⤊ 3⤋