Torn between two guys?

Question

Ok I have liked one of my guy friends (lets call him Ben*) for awhile and I finally told him and he said he only sees me as a friend. I know I should stop liking him because its pointless, since obv. we wont be together. Its hard though, hes this great guy, I mean hes absolutely wonderful, hes everything a girl could want in a guy, so im having trouble getting past my feelings.

Ive recently started seeing his friend (lets call him Matt*), we've been out a few times and im just not sure if going into a relationship with Matt* will help me get over Ben*.

Matt* and I went out last night and saw a movie and we cuddled up the whole time but after the movie we went and hung out with Ben* at his job. It got me thinking that I might not be ready for a realtionship.

I finally told Ben* I liked him Mid-August and well its now Mid-October, should I have gotten over him by now?

One more thing, the reason it is so hard to get over Ben* is like I said before hes the perfect guy, he is still one of my good friends so I see him alot, and my family and friends are convinced that Ben* likes me but is afraid so say so because I am younger than him by 5 years. He may say he sees me as a friend but hes constantly complimenting me, hugging me, and tells me he truly cares about me, frequently.

Basically what I want to know is:

1. Should I be over Ben* by now?
2. Should I try with Matt*?
3. Could my family and friends be on to something with Ben*?

Im 18 and Ben* is 23.

Matt* and I are not dating nor in a serious relationship we are still just friends but after a few times going out I just dont feel ready to take it past friends not with my feelings for Ben* still being so strong.

Answer 1

Honestly i had the same problem it lasted for 2 years however i doubt that will happen with you. I think you're really into ben but think matts a great guy too and whats the point of breaking up with someone when the other guy wont go out with you right?? well you have to ride with it for awhile, observe "Ben" for yourself and see if your family has a point then look at "Matt" and ask yourself, Do I like him? do you have real feelings for him or is it just a fling to get over "ben"? if he doesnt want to go out with you fine, okay this is going to sound weird but some guys dont want to be a couple but at the same time have feelings for you try to flirt a little if he tells you to back off play innocent but back off after that, its one way to find out if hes REALLY interested or is telling the truth.after all that flirting can lead to a relationship neither of you thought was going to happen.

Answer 2

You say Ben is 5 years older than you, but how old are you exactly? Age isn't normally a big deal when your older but if your younger (say 15 and he's 20) then it will most likely be awkward for Ben and technically illegal if you two had a relatioship.
It's possible he just sees you as a good friend; however, if people around you thinks he likes you then there is a great possibility that it's true and he just isn't telling you for whatever reason. Wait a couple of more months and see what happens. I would say move on for right now and if you like Matt, then date Matt but do not just date him because you are trying to get over Ben. You can't not date because you are waiting on a guy to come around.

Answer 3

There's no time frame for "getting over" someone. You either are or aren;t over him which apparently you are not. That's okay though, as long as you don't just keep waiting for him to figure out if he's ever going to like you the same way in return. Do you want to try with Matt or are you trying with Matt to make Ben jealous? As long as Ben keeps saying he just likes you as a friend then go out and date as many people as you can because there's no point in just waiting for something that might never happen. In the mean time you could be missing out on another guy who is perfect. If your feelings for Ben are so intense that it makes it hard to be around him and makes you sad that he doesn't feel the same way then distance yourself from him and spend less time with him. He very well could like you and your family and friends might be right but pressuring him and hounding him about it will only make him feel trapped. He may discover that he does have feelings for you but don't wait around for him to find out, you're just cheating yourself.

Answer 4

It doesn't matter how long it takes you to get over *Ben, there isn't any time limit.
Maybe you should try to be *Matts friend first, if you haven't already.
And maybe your family and friends are looking from a different point of view then you are. So your not getting the came answers as them. I think maybe Ben really does like you but is afraid to tell you because of the age difference. But you've got to remember whatever you do you'll always have someone who loves you - God.

Answer 5

you aren't ready for a committed relationship, that is fairly obvious. There is nothing wrong with being Ben's friend, and once you grow up some more, he may find you to be someone he wants more than friendship with, he may not. Just enjoy the friendship, and stop worrying about whether or not there will be a romance. You aren't ready for a romance or committment yet anyway. If you like Matt, date him, have a good time, but stop looking at guys as if they are only good for being lovers, as long as you do, you won't be ready to be with one in a relationship.

Answer 6

only be with Matt because you want to be, not because your trying to get over Ben. Maybe Ben does like you, but you can't wait your whole life for him. Don't make Matt a rebound. Ben may find the age difference a little strange, but if he does like you, he will let you know.

Answer 7

Question 1. You cant pick and choose who you fall for, well you can, but it wont be for the right reason, so there are reasons why you like him so much, and i dont think you should be over him.. Maybe he is just playing hard to get because you are alittle younger and hes maybe waiting for you to get alittle older??

Question 2. You could try things with Matt, but if you really dont like him like that, you shouldnt put him through it. Plus it could ruin your chances of ever being with Ben* because some people dont like dating girls that their buddies dated, and if they are close like that, it could totally ruin it all...

Question 3. If Ben knows your family pretty well, maybe he has asked them what they thought about it, and if they would think anything different of him if he did like you. They could know something you dont...

I think that you just need to think all of this through and make sure you dont get yourself hurt or hurt anyone else either. Maybe you should try talking to your family members alittle more and maybe theyll come clean and tell you if he did say something. Plus, maybe he is scared, ben*, of getting his heart broke and wants to make sure you like him as much as you say you do.. I wouldnt rush things, keep him close.. and i know you will do the right thing..

Best of luck...

Answer 8

okay u dont necessarily have to be over with ben ...sumtmes it takes some time to get over a guy so its not bad...and if he says he sees you as a friend then maybe he doesnt want to be in a relationship..just becaue he compliments you a lot doesnt mean he likes that way and mabe you should try it wit Matt..get to know him better and see if u enjoy his company ...that will help get over ben..and ur family ...well maybe theyr on to sumthing but no one really knows...hope that helps..

Answer 9

Ben may seem like a perfect guy and what not--but if he doesnt feel the same for you yes you should forget him and move on. Ask yourself--Why are you holding on to something that isnt meant to be right now?? Just be his friend...Move on.Dont hold off dating others and waiting for Ben........Move on.It maybe hard but its what you have to do.Think of him as out of sight out of mind(like he doesnt matter it will be hard yes but you can do it.)...Maybe he is afraid to like you maybe he isnt. Just be straight forward with hiim and ask him "What do you see happening between us?" and if he asks what do you mean just say "do you see us as only friends or maybe in the future dating?" But be prepared for the truth to maybe hurt or disappoint you......Its time to move on.......If you 2 are meant to be trust me it will work out. I have been in your situation before........I realized I was just wasting time waiting around for my crush and nothing was ever going to happen and trust me when he saw that I moved on and got with my man now-- He realized what he lost.......I love my man now more than anything and I thank god for him everyday---I have guys that I WAS interested in hug me--doesnt mean anything some guys are just like that.Dont read into it more than it should.You need to cut the strings and let go yes You should be over Ben.ITs up to you if you want to try with Matt. IS he someone you see yourself dating????? As for your family --yes they coudl be onto something but like I said YOU HAVE TO TALK TO BEN YOURSELF AND FIND OUT BUT REMEMBER THE TRUTH CAN HURT. good luck

Answer 10

**OUCH** This must be a hard situation for you to get through.....but eventually you will get through it!! Don't go for second best, stop and wait for things to happen, for your emotions to become clearer.....patience is the key....who knows??? Maybe someone else will walk into your life and blow them all away!!!! :) Good luck Girl!!!