I really want to elope?

Question

My fiance and I hate the idea of marrying in front of a lot of people. We both have agreed that we want a super small ceremony. I mean, it is about us not anyone else. We have a friend in the army stationed in Hawaii. And it is really importatn to both of us that he is there. Is it wrong to take a quiet trip to Hawaii without telling anyone and just get married?

Answer 1

I wouldn't do it without telling anyone - but you can just tell everyone that you are doing X, Y and Z. There's nothing wrong in letting people know you're having a private ceremony.

Answer 2

I don't think it's wrong to have a small ceremony in Hawaii -- it sounds beautiful, and if you're not comfortable with a big ceremony, it could definitely be the way to go. There are many great reasons for choosing a small ceremony over a large one. It could be more intimate, more elegant, more meaningful, and a lot less expensive.

You may want to reconsider your idea of not telling anyone. Do either of you have parents who might feel hurt if they didn't know about the wedding in advance? If so, it may be better to tell them when you are getting married and explain to them the reasons you have decided to elope. Some parents do have expectations of what they would like their children's weddings to be like. It may be less hurtful to them if they knew in advance why you are not having a big wedding.

You may also want to consider the option of having a small, private ceremony wherever the two of you are living... invite only parents and siblings. You say that it is really important to both of you that your friend in Hawaii is at your wedding. Is it important to you as well that your parents are at your wedding? Would they be able to attend a Hawaiian destination wedding?

You should ultimately do whatever seems best to you, but please take your family's feelings into consideration. If you decide to get married in Hawaii, and they are not able to attend, at least let them throw you a little party when you return.

Best wishes to you on making the right decision and planning an amazing day!

Answer 3

Hi and congratulations!

No, there is nothing WRONG with eloping and wanting your friend to be there to witness your marriage. And Hawaii??? My FAVORITE PLACE!!!!

However, I must agree with the others that have already posted. I would be sooooooooo hurt if my daughter ran away to get married and did not include me.

Believe me, I understand your feelings of not wanting to "marry in front of a lot of people." Another girl posted the same thing last night and my answer was the same as for you. I am like that too! But, I had no choice back in the 1970s when I married.....there were not as many choices as there are today with outside weddings, etc.

Why not have a small wedding with your families? And then go to Hawaii on your honeymoon and be with your friend? Or, can he come to the "mainland" to witness your marriage?

Again, you do what you want. But you can have a beautiful, elegant, meaningful SMALL wedding in front of your close family. Have a small reception at someone's home -- your parents? or a friends backyard.

Whatever you decide, I hope you have a beautiful wedding day!

Answer 4

I know how you feel I wanted to elope upstate but my husband would not hear of it. If you don't like the idea of a lot of people and that makes you nervous or uneasy getting married in Hawaii would be wonderful. I think it would cause a lot of hard feelings if you ran away and got married, a suggestion and you do what you want it is your life have your parents there that would mean a lot to them the friend as a best man and maybe your brothers and sisters of a close friend. I don't think it is wrong what you want to do but yes the wedding is about the bride and groom but also about the family. Or get married in Hawaii with as few people as possible and have a brunch for your intimate close friends when you get back.

Answer 5

The thing is... you could always have a small ceremony. Private only for immediate family members then open up the reception for a larger group of people. It's not wrong but your parents might be really hurt to not see you get married. I'd think about it some more :)

Answer 6

I would go to Hawaii and get married, then come home and announce the marriage and have a reception for family and friends. I think the hoopla over the wedding day is getting way out of hand and would like to see a return to small private weddings.

Answer 7

like you said in your question honey it isn't about other people its about you 2. If that's what you want is to sneak away and get married then by all means go. Do you realize how beautiful and romantic Hawaii would be. Have fun and let everyone know when you get back. Have a reception when you get back so your family and friends can celebrate with you

Congrats!!!!!!

Answer 8

It's OK if you don't tell anyone about it and for the rest of your lives keep up a pretence that this was a sudden decision, not something you'd planned on. Otherwise, one or both sets of parents might be upset that you denied them the fun of marrying off a son or daughter.

If you know your families well enough to know that NO ONE wouldn mind, then do whatever you please. I'm thinking that you at least CARE your families' feelings or you'd be just doing it instead of asking about it.

Answer 9

NOPE! I think Hawaii would be a great place to elope to! Romantic sunsets, great atmosphere. Just get the blessing from both sides of the family that your gonna elope.. and have a HUGE party when you get back. And please tell your Army friend from this military wife.Ty for serving! Good luck.

Answer 10

Isn't that the idea of eloping? Getting married without telling anyone? If that's what you and your fiance want and you won't regret not having anymore people there, then go for it.