Do You Have Jokes About Death?

Question

Add yours here...

"I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather … Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car."

Answer 1

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office.

After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't follow my instructions carefully, your husband will surely die.

"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him.

"Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. Do not nag him. Most importantly, make love to him regularly.

"If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."

On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?"

"He said you're going to die," she replied.

Answer 2

RIP Pillsbury

Dear Friends: It is with the saddest heart that I have to pass on the following:

The Pillsbury Doughboy died Monday of a severe yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes to the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out, including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch.

The graveside was piled high with flours as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Doughboy as a man who "never knew how much he was kneaded".

Doughboy rose quickly in show business but his later life was filled with many turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes.

Despite being a little flaky at times, even as a crusty old man, he was considered a roll model for millions. Toward the end it was thought he'd rise once again, but he was no tart.

Doughboy is survived by his second wife, Play Dough. They have two children, and one in the oven.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

Answer 3

There was an old couple sitting in their living room listening to a radio preacher.Well the preacher said to touch the radio with one hand and the afflicted body part with the other and the preacher would pray.
Well the older lady put her hand on her hips.She turned to her husband and he had placed a hand on his privates.
The old lady exclaimed "He can work miracles but not raise the dead".

Answer 4

LOL!! One for my collection.
Yesterday the comic, BLISS, had a waiter telling 2 customers a table may be opening up - as in the background DEATH was visiting a man at a table.

http://www.comicspage.com/comicspage/main.jsp?catid=1952&custid=69&file=20071017cpbss-a-p.jpg&code=cpbss&dir=/bliss

I wish I could tell jokes, what a great gift.
Thank you for the laugh!!
Peace.

Answer 5

She married and had 13 children. Her husband died.
She married again and had 7 more children. Again, her husband died.
But, she remarried and this time had 5 more children.
She finally died after having 25 children.

Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her.
He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, " Lord, they're finally together."
One mourner leaned over and quietly asked her friend, "Do you think he means her first, second or third husband? "

The friend replied, " I think he means her legs."

Answer 6

Don´t knock on death´s door, ring the doorbell and run instead. He hates that!

Answer 7

Q: Where do you find the morgue in a city?

A: Dead center.

Answer 8

NO!!!