Christians, a marriage question, about mine.....?

Question

My Husband and I are Christians. We both love the Lord.
We have been married for 8 years and we have only been Christians for almost 3 years.
Throught the years my husband has been verbally abusive, he has said that I am stupid and some nasty things.
I have told him several times that everytime he does that I get closer to leaving him.
I have an anxiety disorder and it is under control. My son had surgery yesterday and I have been a bit on edge, so had he.
He came home and started in on me about the house not being clean and stuff. It just ended up in an argument. I also was on his computer (he used to have a porn issue) and I wanted to see if he was up to it again (he has been actung different..I told him that I looked..
Anyway, he started telling me that I am "unstable" "need to take more pills" acting crazy". I told him that I have had it with this abuse and to leave. He won't leave.. said he can't.
I would really like some Christian advice on this.

I also want to add that I homeschool my children and divorcing him would most likely make me have to sacrafice that as well as my house...
We don't argue in front of them so I just think that I should stay so they can be raised the way that I want them to.

I also want to add that my Pastor and his wife offer counselling and my Husband refuses to go.

Answer 1

Remember, the Jesus said, that you/we shall have many trials and temptations. But, be of good cheer, for I have over come the world. The enemy seeks to kill, steal and destroy.
He seeks to steal your husband, your happiness. But, only you can allow it. Will you give up? Or, Will you fight for what God has put together. Let me tell you a true story.
When I lived in Chicago, I was listening to a christian radio program. There were these christians calling in and testifing about the goodness of the Lord. Well, this one young lady, called about her husband. He backslide and was doing drugs and sleeping around. She felt so betrayed and defeated. She thought about leaving him. She told the radio minister, which was her pastor, how she remembered a sermon she had preached about letting go and letting God.
She began exercising all that her minister taught her. She stop nagging her husband and just began praying for him.
When ever he would mess up, she didn't confront him, get angry at him. She just kept her headup, and went about her life, still loving him and cooking for him. She said that she knew God was gonna work it out. In fact, she treated him as if everything was going ok with their marriage. So, one night her husband was out in the streets doing only God knows what, and she was at home praying, " God, don't even let the drugs get him high!" I don't recall, what she prayed if she felt he was with another woman, but, she said after awhile he rededicated his life to the Lord and they're doing great. Her husband said while out getting high one night, the drugs all of a sudden wasn't doing anything. No matter how much he did, he couldn't feel the drugs getting him high anymore. All praises to the God we serve. So, don't worry about it. Don't let the enemy steal your joy. You just keep praying and believing God.

Answer 2

WOW...A hard question. When we get married we are making a vow to our spouse and God that we will stick with them through the good and bad. I believe marriage was instituted by God as an excercise in unconditional love for when we move into eternal glory. Unfortunately in our society, most people would tell you to get out if you are unhappy. SO what happened to that promise? Also, in our society, people see love as a feeling and emotion. While it is, love is more of an action or a verb.

Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NKJV

In a marriage, if you lose the feeling of love but had no real love, the marriage (or any relationship) is doomed. In the Bible, the only "out" of marriage is adultery. It does not say however that you can't move out. If there is physical abuse going on...most certaintly get out of the house.

So where does this leave us? I would surround yourself with strong Christian believers who can pray for your situation and pray for your husband. Do not try to change him, leave that to God. I believe he will not fail you. Do not give up if it does not happen overnight! Also, please keep in mind that the validation we crave as humans should come from God and no one else. Please believe what God feels about you. He has a future and hope for you (Jeremiah 29:11); you are the head and not the tail; you are a chosen generation and royal priesthood! DO not believe what your husband has to say about you, but please forgive him and have no bitterness towards him. Realize that the enemy (devil) works through people and they do not know it. Change yourself and show him real love, and he will come around.

God Bless!

Answer 3

try introdusing the idea of christian counseling. If you are in a church, talk to your pastor and see if he can councel you two togather or if he can recomend someone. Remember Christian counseling is important because if you go to just anybody you may be seeking ungodly councel which isnt going to help. If your husband is unwilling to go to counseling or at least talk with your pastor then you should seek the counceling on your own finding someone at church that is in an authority possition could really be helpful in teaching you what to do. Remember not to go into it with the idea that 'he' needs to get fixed. If there are marrage problems them both of you need help. If it comes to you getting help for yourself remember that you can only control yourself and your reactions toward your husband, you cant change/control his actions. Dont forget to pray with all your heart, remeber to pray for God's will in your lives togather and ask God for direction. When you find yourself angery or wondering were to turn just take a private moment to pray and thank God for trials, as they shape us into the people he wants us to be. Remember to spend time in prayer being quiet- God's voice is still and small- sometimes in the quiet the answer will reveal itself to you, other times there is no answer and that is when you have to press on and know in your heart that God does not work on our time table, and there is always a reason for us to go thru the problem rather than him handing us the answer or giving us an easy way out. Good luck. God bless you and your marrage.

Answer 4

Are you sure your husband is a Christian or do you just think he is because a man of God does not treat his wife that way. Maybe the two of you should talk to your pastor so he can be confronted with the truth and also show him what the scriptures say about how a husband and wife are to behave. Do not be decieved, because he may not be saved really.

Answer 5

You know it sounds like a pretty hard time for both of you.

Porn is an addiction.... you probably shouldnt have gone looking for it at this time.... but I can see why you would.

The best thing you can do is make time for just the two of you. You married him for a reason (hopefully) and he you. So just try and recapture it. It dosent die like people say it does.

This is not a situation where more force will fix things. Show him you love him, etc. If it gets worse.... more action may be needed.

Him starting in on you about the house.... eh. Thats a bit of a seperate issue. If its new its just his nerves.

Answer 6

My advice is worth what you pay for it.

Sometimes in a situation like that, it is start to start planning ahead. Abuse is clearly affecting you and because it does, it puts everything in to a hyper anxiety condition.
I suggest you get some empowering counseling and get some direction in terms of what your next step will be.
This does not mean it is the end. That is still to be seen. Make sure you seek wise counsel in each step involved
And, yes, that means discussing this with all the various experts...Doctors authorities, lawyers, church elders, etc.

Remember...pray, aim high, stay focused.
I will pray for you and your family.

Answer 7

Read 1 Corinthians chapter 7. God hates divorce but blasphemy against the Holy Spirit is the only unforgiveable sin-Matt. 12:31. Paul wrote 1 Corinthians under divine inspiration.

Answer 8

I understand where you are coming from really. The only answer I can give you is to know the Word yourself. You know how the Bible says God gives us a spirit of power, love and a sound mind? Part of that sound mind is KNOWING that you are not stupid or crazy or any other mean thing your husband says. Its about knowing that HE has a heart problem. The Word says it is out of the abundance of our heart that we speak. So whatever fills his heart..is what overflows out of his mouth. You say that your husband loves the Lord but that is not true. He cannot love the Lord really, otherwise he would love YOU like Christ loves the church. Love tempers your tongue. It sacrifices itself. It surrenders its own will and doesnt attack. This is not a condemnation of your husband. Its meant to put things in perspective. It is possible to find peace in the midst of this storm, without leaving. When you are living a righteous life you can go to God boldly and say Lord...change him...or change ME. You dont want to go before God. You want to be in His Will...yes? So let HIM move your husband. I know with my own husband, he has showed his butt enough times to drive me bonkers...but when I took my eyes off him, and put my eyes on God and His promises to me...God strengthened me for this storm. I asked God...Lord either change him now or change me...and just like the Word promises "He will not put more on us than we can bear". He gave me a peace that I cant even explain. Im not special. What He's done for me, He will do for you too. I encourage you to pray for peace. No matter what happens, God calls us to peace. Pray that God would change his heart. Pray that He would pour out His Spirit on your husband and the true Love of God would come into his heart-and not just the love that is self-serving. In the meanwhile, I will pray for you...please lift me as well.

Answer 9

I would suggest counseling. Me and my husband both agreed when we first got married that we would do everything in our power to not get divorced or if it came down to that we would be for sure and it wouldnt be over anger issues and done on a "whim" Good luck and talking to someone really helps.

Answer 10

Do not let these people fill your head with questioning if your husband really loves the lord or not, or those who are advising you to leave him. this is the wrong place to be asking honey, It is the lord you should be turning to, let the lord speak to your heart, pray for guidance and strength. Ask for the lord to touch his heart. Remember that he is your husband and with the strength of the lord you can over come all that is put aginst you. I will pray for you.