can you tell me if this is a stupid idea to tell a 42 year old guy? i'm 25?

Question

i just told the ex who is 17 years older who just broke up with me, that i'm going to let him call the shots. he persued me big time and i treated him like crap with my immature crap. so he broke up with me. i told him that i'm giving him the control in the relationship and he can do what he wants with me. and that i won't go wild and crazy on him but that i would relax and just let him do the decision making. sex, etc. dates etc.

i also gave him my code for cellphone. i told him i'm giving him control and that i will be docile.

Answer 1

what are you trying to do?? Let someone old enough to be your father order you around? He's WAY older than you!

I'd be shocked if I were wrong, but my guess is that you grew up in a divorced home or you had no father figure in your life. This is why you are dating someone at this age. (old enough to be your dad) You're not thinking of it consciously, but trust me, that's why you told him "you can make the decisions." Because that's something you'd tell your dad, not your boyfriend.

My suggestion to you is to get out of that relationship. If your age differences are so huge that you're too immature for him and he's so old that he thinks of you as "so immature" that you guys aren't right for each other. Find someone closer to your age that can relate with you.

You probably like to do stuff that a 25 year old would like to do. But he's so much older that your interests are consistantly conflicting...

Give a younger guy a chance.

Answer 2

Hellloooo! The age thing doesn't really concern me because everyone matures in different ways, on different levels, etc. It seems that it does concern you -- maybe there is not enough in common. The fact that you are "giving him the control" of the relationship is what concerns me. A relationship is defined as one in which the participants know or trust one another very well. Doesn't sound like you are there yet. It is my experience that when we give up anything, we lose. Since you're not head over heels for this guy -- just let it go. You're young and have a lot of years to enjoy -- so start enjoying them with people you get along with.

Answer 3

I'm a 50 year old man and I say hold on. Sure you may have done some immature things, but don't just hand over the reins to him. A relationship is between two people and each should have a say. If you really love him, show him you are ready to work on the relationship, but don't give it all over to him. If he really loves you, he won't take complete control. It is give and take in a relationship, not all give. Good luck!

Answer 4

There's not a thing wrong with a 25 year old dating a 42 year old. Either sex.
However....this sounds like a bit of drama, first of all. I'm not so sure you're completely out of the immature phase, I think it's just changed colors. Secondly......that strategy just will not work in any relationship.
I think it's time you spent some time regrouping. Then move on with another man later.
Good luck.

Answer 5

No! Not a good idea. You don't want anyone controlling you, especially not someone that much older than you. It sounds like a daddy relationship! You are old enough to make your own decisions and if that's being an "immature" 25-year-old, so be it. You obviously like this man if you're willing to change for him, but change for yourself. If you want to be wild and crazy, you should live it up because you're young!

Answer 6

That's serious submission, and you're promising it WITHOUT knowing what you're getting into.

Go to a message board like bondage.com and ask for advice there. You'll get a lot -- some of it quite insulting, much of it contradictory, but almost all of it worth hearing (except for the stupidest, and of course not after it starts getting repetitive).

I'm serious. The major and minor risks are too many to list (most likely -- you won't live up to what you promise, and it won't be because he does anything wrong, but rather because you just overpromised). People who pursue dominance/submission on purpose as a lifestyle have at least some insight into this.

Answer 7

You should never let anyone have control over you. He shouldn't have expected less from a 25 year old. He's 42 . He knows what it's like at 25. Besides that, it does seem like he's your dad, by him controlling you. Does he control your life or just the sex part? Either way it's crazy. That just shows you're desperate. Find some one younger who can handle your childishness. Maybe he's just to old to handle you. It's up to you to decide. It's your life, I'm sorry his right?(since he's controlling you)

Answer 8

That is a very stupid idea. Don't ever allow another person to take control of you, you're only setting your self up to get hurt. What makes this guy so great? Is he REALLY worth compromising any dignity or respect you have for yourself. You're too young to be held down by someone 17 years older.

Answer 9

So what are you asking?

Perhaps it is, "Is it a good idea to tell the truth?" Dah, that's a no brainer. I would think even you could figure that out. Tell one lie, one omission, one misdirection and you are toast. When he, if he is at like me, finds out everything you have ever said or done comes under suspicion.

What were you planning to tell him, was it that you were 15 or 45?

Sorry, I suppose I should have more patients with you, you are less than half my age but I learned by the time I was 15 or so that lies get you NOWHERE.

Answer 10

It's not a good idea to give any guy. You will end up becoming frustrated by not having any control over your life. Personally I would look for someone more closer to your age, your ' immature crap' may not actually be that, it maybe that you are acting your age and that he is to old and set in his ways.