My boyfriend is turning 21 and wants to go out without me!?

Question

My boyfriend is turning 21 this weekend, both of us don't drink nor do we want to- his family, however, is really excited about the fact that he can drink, they've been throwing different ideas at him about where to go and what to do- I've expressed that I"m upset the I'm not being considered and can't join (we've been together 2 years, and see each other every day) He rejected their idea to go to vegas, and rejected their idea to go to a casino, today he told me that his (older) sister is going to take him out. Should I be angry? I'm feeling very frustrated, I don't understand why he doesn't see my point, that I am there for him every day yet on this milestone he wants to go out regardless of wether I can join! What would you do? Am I being unreasonable? What would you say?

Answer 1

I would be angry too. Do you know where he's gonna go? Talk to him and tell him you're not okay with it but maybe he's going to a bar where you have to be 21 to get in and if you're younger you can't go.

Answer 2

Well your boyfriend is an adult. He won't do anything that he truly doesn't want to do. I don't see why you can't attend other than if you're under 21. You have to put yourself in his shoes. What if you were turning 21 and your friends wanted to take you out. Would you want to not go just because your boyfriend couldn't? You would probably not let anyone try and ruin your big day. I can definitely see why you'd feel left out but you just have to realize that it's his big day. Whenever you have or had your 21st birthday I'm sure that you wouldn't or didn't let someone else try and bring you down. You can celebrate with him by doing something else. Just pull yourself together and be supportive, unless of course he's going to do something that you just outright don't approve of. If he doesn't want to drink, he won't. I'm 27 and I've chosen to never drink. All you can do is tell him how you feel about him drinking and it's up to him whether or not he'll respect your wishes.

Answer 3

Yes, you are being a bit unreasonable and codependent. Yes, you've grown to be very important to each other, but family is equally if not more important and he should go out with them and you shouldn't make him feel bad for wanting to.

Initially saying he's going out without you makes it sound like he's going to Vegas with guys that are nothing but trouble. Going out with his sis for drinks is totally different.

You can still see him on his birthday and you can celebrate with him another night, but to be so demanding that he does what YOU want him to on HIS birthday is just ridiculous.

If it really is bugging you, although, as I said you're being a bit selfish, ask if he can compromise. Instead of going out to a bar, which he isn't really into, ask if you can go out with his family to a restaurant where they can order drinks and you can still be there with them/him.

Also, since it is his birthday, make sure he's doing what he wants to do. You say he's not into going out, but maybe on this milestone, he'd like to try it out. If people are offering to take him and buy him drinks, why turn it down if he'll get to have a night of fun, it's not the end of the world!

Answer 4

If you have a problem with it, you shouldn't have been dating an older guy. Turning 21 is a huge milestone for most people, and you throwing a fit about it because you can't go, will probably put a damper on his birthday. Play it cool, and pretend like you're ok with it. Ask if you can go out to dinner before they go out, so you can go and celebrate too, and let him have fun afterward!! It's his birthday!!It's not like it's something he'll continue to do everyday afterwards!!

Answer 5

Yes you're being unreasonable. I take it that you're not 21 yet and that's why you can't go. Well it is HIS birthday and he should be able to do what he wants. The two of you can hangout some other time and do something under 21. Let him have fun.

Answer 6

Yes you are being unreasonable. If his sister wants to take him out let him go and without the guilt! Even in the most intimate relationships people still need to go out as individuals. If the situation was turned around and you really wanted to go out would you want him giving you the guilt trip. Ease up otherwise in the future he will get sick of you holding on to the leash to tight. Just because he goes out without you does not mean he wouldnt take you if he could, but he cant so let him ejoy himself with no nagging. I have been where you are but trust me its not worth it to make a deal about it. As long as he makes time for you let him make time for him too. Take the time to be a individual yourself go hang with friends or something, enjoy you time. He will appriciate you so much more if you let it go. He is doing nothing wrong.

Answer 7

I understand your feelings...this should not be an issue of him wanting to do something without you...its healthy do have friends and intrests outside of your own little circle. If his Birthday is this weekend...if he goes out with his sister on Friday...celebrate his birthday with him in Saturday...or visa versa. The important thing is that he loves you and appreciates that you want to be with him on that occasion. The day is a non issue.

Answer 8

Maybe a little bit. Perhaps there is more pressure being put on him by his family than you know of. If he feels the need to pacify his family and do something with them, let him do it and you guys can do a celebration all on your own.

Answer 9

I get where ur coming from I would hate it if my bf of 2 years all of a sudden wanted to go with his sister. thats stupid I think that you need to talk to him and just be like why don't you wanna go out with me? but don't get mad act sad and hurt cuz he will feel bad

Answer 10

You can go along too, you just cant drink.
Let him have some private time with his family, it isnt that they hate you or anything, but sometimes we all want a little private time with other special people in our lives.