My Dad Is A Former Addict...I Need Advice..!?

Question

My Dad was addicted to Heroin for a very long time, although about three years ago, he got himself clean and has been clean for 3 years. I really am proud of him, I attend some meetings that he goes to when I visit him to get a bigger insight to the whole fellowship. I love him very much, but he doesn't make enough effort with me and my older sister. She is really feeling the strain of it all and cried to me tonight about it. She wants to talk to him face to face to see how we can talk about the past and how his addiction, affected us. He has another son, our brother, who he doesn't get to see no-more and because of this, niether do we. We miss and love him and I always try to get numbers to find him. I feel like my dad doesn't really understand the damage he has done. He says he understands, but he doesn't show it. I am only young and I need my Dad, but he doesn't seem to need me, Please tell me what I should do? Thank-You

I live with my mum, she is not an addict, she has cared for me and my sister all our lives and supports us with whatever decision we choose to make concerning our father. I see him like 5 time a year for a few days at a time. My little brother who we do not see is no where to be found. My dad hasn't made any attempts to find him. He has a new girlfriend and lives in Weston Super Mare with her. Where can I find Family Of Addicts meetings, close to Islington or Highbury..??

Answer 1

It's not YOUR fault that your dada was an addict and has been acting distant. Maybe you can all plan a family night where you all talk to each other about your problems?

Answer 2

He probably does understand, but how do you want him to show it. People that have been on heroin hide their feelings, and that is why most of them where on drugs to begin with. They are miserable on the inside, and have a hard time dealing with these feelings. You need to go to meetings, at home, so you can get a better understanding of what your father has gone through. Call Narcotics Anonymous and find the nearest meeting, and location to you. Your Dad might have some information about your brother, and where you could get hold of him. If you have to wait until he turns 18, then he will be an adult and his mother can't stop you.

Answer 3

now and again after being married for a lengthy time period, the belongings you've been waiting to ignore before begins to crop up in a gruesome way. that is interior you, no longer her. it would ought to do with the feeling that you opt for and choose more suitable now and also you sense blocked from it and so that you've a sensation of being repulsed by technique of her. you should wrestle this sense as a mean interloper that needs to force you aside. attempt to sense her existence as in case you've been her. attempt to appreciate the reason and effect series of activities that has extra her from her children to the prevailing. concentration on her and how some distance she has come and how she has conquer some noticeably hard odds. opportunities are extreme she nonetheless struggles with some factors of mom hood, and spouse hood because she is attending to understand as she is going. Even those individuals with good upbringing conflict with those roles. She did no longer have a lot contained in the way of function fashions for this so that is a in actual truth incredible element that she tries. you opt for to get better the feeling that she is an awsome woman. and he or she is. All any woman needs is to love properly, and women individuals will be strong newbies if the guy will be a robust and variety education guide. Be that. She is imparting you with an excellent chance to be the finished guy that steps as a lot because the plate and loves her like no different.

Answer 4

Addicts sometimes have this thing where they focus way too much on themselves, and they don't know how to focus on others. That doesn't change what you need, it just means he probably doesn't get it! He's probably also ashamed and afraid of what you'll say to him, because he knows he really screwed up and it's scary for him to think he screwed up something so important (being a dad). There's a lot of shame and avoidance in addictions.

I don't know if you can get him to need you, though I wish you could. It's very sad but you get the parents you get, and wanting them to be different only causes more pain. I would, however, tell him exactly what you think and what you want, mostly for you to learn how to speak up for yourself. Tell him you want to see your brother, tell him how much your sister hurts, and how much it hurts you. Tell him you don't think he gets it and that hurts you too. He may not get it, but he should listen. And then think about getting closer to other (good!!) guys who can give you some of what you need - maybe teachers, priests - even a male therapist might be a great resource. You need to find out how to get what you need, even if your dad can't give it.

Answer 5

Is your mother involved? If she is not - does your father have an older sister or brother (your aunt or uncle) whom you could speak to?
Your Dad is probably somewhat ashamed about the past - even though he's made progress (which is great to hear.) You and your sister must continue to tell your father how much you love him and, tell him how much it means to you that he's worked hard and is continuing to work hard to beat his addiction, that you love him today for the man he is and you're not worried about the past and you don't want him to worry about it either. Tell him you know if may be difficult for him to reconcile with your brother - but that you want to try - you want to try so much it hurts - and you need his help. Keep working on him young lady, don't relent - I highly doubt he'll react badly - if you're sincere with your words he'll come around - it may takes weeks, months or even years - but if you're consistently strong in your support of him the impact you make will eventually lead him to helping you and your sister reunite your family -- it may never been exactly like it was - but it can be better than it is. Again, sibilings are powerful - if you have any aunts or uncles who can help you - talk to them - they've known your father his whole life - they may be able to help more than you think.

Good luck !

Answer 6

I suggest counseling, if at all possible. Your pain is fair and reasonable, whether your dad appreciates and validates it or not.

Rather than work it through with someone who may be unable to give you what you want, I'd spend that time working it through with someone who can help you get to the point where you don't require his validation.

P.S. I've been there and done that.

Answer 7

tell you mom how you feel she can arrange a sit down with your dad (under supervision) also both you and your sister could stand to see a therapist who can help you resolve long standing feelings

Answer 8

well my dad and mom still are jkust stay away or try to get him help without him knowing, b/c if they know they usually get mad, but yea just try to get him help