Child abuse-I was a victim and still have problems. I just want to get better, but how?

Question

Specifically, I just read the book "a Child called IT" and I was sickened, then I thought, "I should write a book". I even started composing it right away. Then I felt all sick inside and thought that I would be dredging everything up for no good reason and no one would publish it, plus I couldn't bear to publish it while my Mom was still alive. (My Dad has passed and my Mom is not doing well). Mom would call me a liar, she doesn't remember or denies almost all of it. They were of the generation that thought parents can do anything to their kids except break bones or put them in the hospital. Especially if the kids 'deserved it' by telling a lie or something.
I don't know if writing about it and my feelings would make it better or worse. What do you think? Thanks for your time.
Live well and do good.

It wasn't as bad as some, I'm sure, but I made the decision to never have children of my own and my past was part of that decision. My past affects everything I try to do and every relationship I have. In some ways, I am more gentle, patient and kind than I might have been. I am a deeper thinker, a deeper 'feeler'. That's good. But I am wounded, and it causes me to make mistakes, give up and think of myself as a permanent failure.

Answer 1

You should contact a psychologist. My GF handles similar cases, and it is never too late.

Answer 2

Think about how many people would benefit from reading your book. It may help people who've been through similar situations to heal and know that there is someone out there they can relate to, that they are not alone. Your feelings and memories are still easily dredged up it seems, so writing about the raw emotions involved with being a victim is something publishers might be interested in, especially if you write with a different spin than other books with the same topic. You never know.
...And the process may prove to be very cathartic for you. It may seem sickening now, but many things that bring you out of your comfort zone, but prove to be worth it in the end, are. Trust your gut, and maybe consider seeing a therapist before you decide. Based on your unique history and story, it may or may not be a good choice for you, and only you and a doctor can reasonably decide that.
As far as your mom, she may be upset at first, but if it's something that may help her child, wouldn't she be accepting to that? No one, not even your mom can tell you your perspective or what you felt. If she was of the generation you mentioned, she probably would have a hard time understanding the trauma you experienced. Your emotions are your own.
Your first instinct was to write a book, so maybe your unconscious is trying to tell you that this may be the route to healing...
I wish you luck in your road to recovery!!!

Answer 3

This is such a personal question that only you know how you feel about writing it. Placing it on paper even without the thought of publishing might be theaputic, however it might make you remember things in more vivid detail and cause you to become more resentful. I am not sure if you have tried councelling or MDR thearpy, it may be very benificial for you to meet with someone while you are writing the story down and that way you will work through your feelings on your own as well as with someone trained to help. I think since you are considering this then you may have many unresolved issues that you just can't get past so its worth a try, it might be a great answer for you.

Answer 4

I too was abused in childhood ... sexually abused while I was a baby, then psychologically abused because NO ONE said a word to me about it, but everyone 'watched me' and 'criticized me' to the point that I felt I was STUPID even after the school tried to move me from my age group in the first grade to the sixth grade, where I was 'intellectually' more equal.
WRITE YOUR STORY DOWN. Even if NO ONE but you ever reads it, this 'getting it on paper' is a WONDERFUL way to 'get it out of you' ...
There are some things I should tell you, though...
You will NEVER be 'normal' ... which is a GOOD THING if you can USE your 'inner pain' for some good. You may be 'creative' or you may be a 'helper' in a job that other people couldn't stand to do.
You have the right to CHOOSE not to perpetuate what was done TO you on others, especially any children who come into your care. Do it correctly, and WONDERFUL things can come of that 'bad' that was done to you, so don't listen to people who will tell you that having been abused YOU will be an abuser yourself. That is CRAZY. While it is true of many abusers, there are many who were abused out there who are like me ... a helper, a creative person, a GOOD person.
As you said at the end of what you wrote ...
Live well and do good. What a WONDERFUL attitude you have ... PASS IT ON!

Answer 5

Be sure to read Dave's other books too! There are three or four other ones, and you will feel better after you see what happens the rest of his life.
That book is suppose to make you ill... It will stir up feelings and bad thoughts , and it will make you reflect upon your past childhood experiences.
Many people have lived through child abuse... And have though of writing down experiences. Go ahead! It is important to do it, so you can have a feeling of peace, or closure in your life. It is up to you!
Just remember that you are not alone and it is very painful, and difficult to overcome these childhood traumas.
Focus on moving on though, and getting on with your life and making it better for yourself and your future children!

Answer 6

Part of dealing with your past will be to confront it, and writing it down may be a good way for you to do that. While dealing with these issues it is important to remember that these memories cannot hurt you now, and that your reasons for confronting this is so that you can draw strength from your survival and where you are now to help you build a better today and tomorrow for yourself.

I would highly recommend seeking out a professional counselor or therapist to assist you. Ask around for recommendations of a person to call. There are many different treatment approaches so when you ask around ask what kinds of treatments the therapist does, and try to find someone you like. Good Luck

Answer 7

I think we were ALL victims of child-abuse, as you call it, when we was growing up, but We shoved it all into the past, where it belongs, If this eats on you constantly, I think it means you don't have a Present Life that's anywhere's close to being fulfilling; so you stay in the Past. One has paths to choose, so choose some & get going. Make your own mistakes in life, so you can learn & keep growing. What is that saying about changing the things you can change, accept the things you cannot change, & pray for the wisdom to know the difference. Get a life in the NOW.

Answer 8

I'm just as lost as you. The same thing happened to me twice once by a male which my parents tried to ignore and are still refusing to acknowledge to this day, bit I remember clearly. And the second by a Female which I did not bother to tell them about since they did not deal with the first incident.

So I feel your pain, but refuse to talk about it ..... until now I guess. I do believe it has effected me in my relationships on all levels. So I don't know what to say I guess I'll read your responses and try to get something from them my self. Good luck.

Answer 9

The most important thing writing can do for you, is helping you to deal with it. Now the decision to do that is up to you. Do you need to deal with it more? then write! publishing is not a primary goal at first. The first thing to ask yourself is if you WANT to write it. Be it for yourself or to help others. You don't need a publisher if you want to help others, there is always internet.
What your mom says has no value. You are valuable and what you write may help you find your way. if it is enough, then stop.
I've been there. I know.
I'm still writing... and I still find it a helpful tool.
;-)

Answer 10

Hello!.I don't think writing a book is a good idea. Why? Because you are one of so many affected by this problem. After nearly thirty years, I am aware of a relative that had the same problem. I found myself feeling so angry and sad I never knew.Part of your cure is to seek the advice of a Psychiatrist.This is very neccessary, otherwise it will continue to haunt you.I hope you will be able to "let it go"? Writing about it might relieve your stress, but it won't put it right. You need professional advice. Good Luck!

Answer 11

you'll be surprised at how much it will help you overcome it...believe me, i too was a victim, and i talked about everything and i felt that weight lift straight away, i know it will be painful for you but it will help you move on, i know making money out of a tragedy is not a good thing but theres other people out there who have made money out of their life experiences andwrote books so if you feel strong enough to go through with it, then do it, it will either make you or break you, but you have to be certain that it's what you want to do...but if you think it will hurt your mother, then maybe wait for a while but still keep writing it, good luck with what ever you decide....and bless you xx