Should I return the gift and give money???

Question

A friend of mine was married in a different state from where I live. I was unable to attend, so I mailed her a gift (21 piece stainless steel cookware set)http://www.target.com/gp/detail.html/601-5271632-1506569?ASIN=B00022VUJQ&AFID=Froogle&LNM=B00022VUJQ|Stainless_Steel_21pc._Cookware_Set&ci_src=14110944&ci_sku=B00022VUJQ&ref=tgt_adv_XSG10001
I thought this would be perfect since, this will be the first home for each of them....He just finished college and got an apartment, and she lived with her parents up until the wedding. So its not like they have all the necessities in the home. Well, in my mail this morning was a letter to pick up a package. I was horrified to find that it was the gift that I had sent my friend. It had a letter attached that said we would much rather have money. Please return and send us a gift card or cash. The gift was $80 plus tax plus shipping. After recieving it back, I'm glad I didn't attend. Should I return it and send them cash?

I didn't know either of them very long. I met her in one of my collage classes. Did she invite me just for the gift??? or is she being rude because I was unable to attend?

Should I have enclosed a gift receipt with it. I've never returned any gift that anyone has bought me, at most I've exchanged for a big/smaller size or color.

Also, if I don't like a gift, I say thank you and give it to someone else. Never would I give it back to the gift giver. Is this common now a day?

4 of the other girls in the class we had together were invited. 1 attended the wedding and said that it was a big waste of time because she was being rude to a lot of people and the other 2 said they sent gifts. One of the girls got a thank you note....she sent a $200 check though.

http://www.target.com/Kitchen-Essentials-Calphalon-Stainless-Cookware/dp/B000HM4ONK/qid=1192743635/ref=br_1_2/601-5271632-1506569?ie=UTF8&node=15751071&frombrowse=1&rh=&page=1
this is the set she registered for so I thought she'd like the other set...no way I could afford these. Also, I don't think anyone else bought her the ones on the registry...because I bought the gift the week of the wedding and they were still on it.

Answer 1

I wouldn't say anything to her. If you haven't talked to her about the returned gift, don't. You did the right thing by sending the gift. What she did was rude and crass. She doesn't deserve anything.

Answer 2

I would NOT send them anything.

You sent a gift, and they refused it.

Keep the gift, and give NO money.

Send a card, not a gift card, just a card. NO money.

The set you bought for them is plain stainless steel, far less quality than Calphalon, which was on their registry. I would have just gotten a different gift that was on their registry instead of some stainless steel stuff. There is a HUGE difference between steel and calphalon (which is the reason for the HUGE price difference!).

But, they were extremely rude. They could have asked for a gift receipt from you or tried to return it at the store instead of sending it back.

Like I said, send them nothing. They were incredibly rude and tasteless to do that.

Answer 3

OMG I have never heard of anything so rude before and that is saying something considering some of the things you hear of on this site!! If you were so kind as to get her that good a gift, pay for postage on top of that and she sent it back asking for money then that is disgraceful! She should be grateful for what she gets! DON'T send her money. She can have NOTHING for being such an ungrateful little *****. Don't get her anything else and don't bother talking to her. You deserve so much better treatment than what she has shown you in return for you generosity. I am so sorry for you. She is a greey ***** plain and simple. Cut her off and don't send her cash. She does not deserve it, nor will she appreciate it.

Answer 4

NO WAY!!! should you send them anything else. You didn't even attend the wedding so sending a gift was very generous of you. Its clear to see that not only does she have NO class, but she is money hungry and materialistic as well. Who registers for a $250 set of pots and pans. The ones that you gave her were very nice and costly if you ask me. Since you haven't known her long, I'd suggest cutting ties now, before things get worse. Also, she was all for the $200 cash gift your other classmate sent so she probably didn't invite you because she thought of you as friends but rather for the extra gift.

Answer 5

If it were me I'd send her a very VERY sweet letter apologizing for having the nerve to send her the incorrect gift and enclose a $20 gift card for some perfectly vile restaurant chain. It will drive her crazy to have $20 but not be able to spend on anything she'd actually want. In the letter, I'd go on to tell her she'd find the rest of her gift at www.HerName.net or whatever. Build a quick website with her letter scanned in and be sure to include links to this question in Y!A. If you include both her maiden and married names in the title, her nasty letter will come up every time anyone searches her name. Isn't revenge sweet?

Answer 6

Let me get this---your friend SENT the gift BACK!!!???
And said to send them CASH or a GIFT CARD?!!!!
OHHHH H**L NO!
They could have easily returned the gift to Target and gotten something else..( I know because that's what I did after I was married)
These people are RUDE!!! DO NOT SEND THEM A THING!
I can not believe people are like this..this is not good etiquette at all. I would return it and buy yourself something!!

That is a nice set..you spent a lot of money on them.
I feel sooooo bad for you..I am in shock that this happened to you...I would have loved to get a nice gift like this from you!!

Answer 7

OMG this is not only bad manners, it is so low class.... No No No do not send anything except for a note acknowledging the receipt of their returned gift. Most couples when marrying will do a gift register with the notion of receiving things they want and or need. But it seems to me in this day and age people seem to forget a gift is a gift. Smile and say thank you that someone has thought enough of you to give to you.

Answer 8

That is so incredibly tacky I want to hunt them down and send them a gift card for etiquette classes. I would take it back, and return it, and keep the money. Perhaps you could buy a new card, and write a note in it saying how incredibly tacky that is, and then cease contact with them! Or go buy a book on etiquette and send THAT back to them with a note in the front.

I can't believe how incredibly rude and tacky those people are!!! Ugh! Don't associate with them anymore!!!

No matter what, even if I hated a gift, I've sent a thank you note, and then exchanged it, or managed to use it for something if I couldn't exchange it.

Answer 9

NO WAY! I cannot believe this - it's extraordinarily rude. DO NOT send money, or anything else to them now. Keep the cookware, or get the money refunded to you, and keep it.
I would not even respond to the friend, but if you do - I would just keep a note short, saying you received the returned package, and that you hope they have a happy life.
Unbelievable!

Answer 10

Keep the gift for yourself, and send them a card. Inside, write:

"Dear so-and-so,
I regret that I am unable to fulfill your request to send you cash in lieu of the gift that I personally picked out for you. I hope that you will instead enjoy this copy of the book "Wedding Etiquette Hell."

You can buy the book on amazon.com. I suggest putting a pretty bookmark in the section about gifts.

Answer 11

I would not send her anything. I would probably tell her a piece of my mind though. That is just rude, I would definitely keep the money for myself. She has some nerves, it is so sad how some people are so greedy.
Maybe you can send her a card telling her that you are sorry that she did not like the gift, the time and effort you put into buying it and sending it, and the fact that you will not be sending her anything. That should teach her.