I have been good friends with an older gentleman at work for a year or so now
We've always had great conversations together and share things in common, I consider him a very dear friend
Last night he asked me out to dinner, this is not uncommon because usually everyone from work goes out at once, but this time we were alone
He gave me a huge diamond necklace, confessed his love for me, and now wants us to date. I did not accept the necklace and told him I wanted to remain friends. He can't seem to understand why, he is very rich and women are always falling at his feet but I only love him as a friend
I'm 20 and he is 62. I want to stay close with him but he keeps offering me the necklace and tells me I could live a much better lifestyle with him... but Im happy where I am now
How can I get out of this graciously and still have my friend?
2007-10-18 10:04:16 · 33 answers · asked by marm212 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Yes I almost spit out my chicken parm when I saw that necklace, it was gorgeous
But no I could never take it and sell it, etc. etc. I care a lot about him, just not in that way, and that would hurt his feelings and be the wrong thing to do...
2007-10-18 10:22:49 · update #1
I guess he thinks that you'll get all starry-eyed and find him irresistable because the gift shows he's financially set. Unfortunately, it seems he's to used to women that fall at his feet hoping to fall into his wallet as well. It sounds like your the type he's looking for, that wouldn't take him just for his $$$ and a life of comfort, it's a shame that isn't the case from your point of view. BTW, that's SOME age gap... hey more power to ya...
Just be straight with him and let him know the deal, if it IS the age difference, drop that on the table and don't mince your words, if it's something else just tell him. If he's really a friend, he'll understand. Good luck...
2007-10-18 10:17:24 · answer #1 · answered by A.J. 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh my dear! I've been in similar situations and all of the men backed off completely after I told them that I am only interested in friendship. And I also didn't want to loose the friendships. I don't know why they couldn't accept that I wasn't interested in a relationship with them. And I don't know either why they wouldn't accept my pure and honest friendship. It is as if they want everything or nothing. I mean don't they realize that backing off also hurts us? It's a different kind of hurt. I sure hope this won't happen to you. But the good news is that some of them actually realized after a while that the friendship is better than nothing, so if your friend backs off, keep hoping, he might just realize what he had in you as a friend.
My advice to you is to be firm in a friendy manner, tell him that you are really happy the way things are for you right now and you really see friendship only for the two of you. He might play on your feelings, don't give in. And then he is going to realize that you mean it and chances are great that he will back off. Just stay nice and friendly, but make sure he doesn't see it as an invitation.
I was 19 when this happened to me for the first time and it had happened a few times more, I am 38 now. The first time was my boss actually! That was very difficult, but that was the one I handeled the best! lol! Maybe innocence is the best weapon anybody can ever have.
Good luck to you!
2007-10-21 11:04:13 · answer #2 · answered by Sunbeam 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi - etiquette dictates that a woman should not accept jewelry from a man unless she is wearing his engagement ring. This guy is basically proposing to keep you around as a mistress. Or did he propose marriage? Either way, he should know better than to persist when you have gently declined his offer of romance. And at his age he should definitely know better than to offer expensive jewelry in a way that is inappropriate. You did the right thing by not accepting the necklace. (Whooo!) I don't even know you and I'm proud of you. All you can do is be your usual self and show him that you are still willing to be friends. It probably wouldn't hurt to limit the time you spend alone with him for a while. Good luck and take care.
2016-05-23 11:27:44 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
im not sure how you can get out of this and him still be your friend, but you can keep him under controll , by continuing to be honest with him and telling him you only see him as a friend, and do not take the gift, taking gifts tend to make people think you owe them something as you probably all ready know. just remain friends and dont lead him on or even tease him with the chance you guys might hook up, it would only make it harder for him. if you want tell him you are allready seeing someone, that sometimes works
2007-10-18 10:10:38 · answer #4 · answered by yowuzup 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just keep making it clear to him that the only feelings you have for him are as a friend and nothing more. your not interested in his money and how easy a life you could have with him. he's just a really good friend and you want to keep it like that, and that your happy where you are in life. just keep making that clear to him and if hes still persistent than you might want to think about finding another job. yeah you don't want to loose a good friend and have to look for a new job but what els can you do? Unless you start dating some one and that may send him the message that you just aren't interested.
2007-10-18 10:17:27 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will have to be firm but gentle. Explain it to him again and let him know that if he continues to pursue something more than friendship that you will have to limit even that relationship.
If he keeps offering the necklace anyway, heck, take it, sell it and put the money in the bank.
2007-10-18 10:09:43 · answer #6 · answered by Maggie May 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it's natural for anyone to fall for the bling-bling, but it is very very wise of you to stay clear of that path. I would say if you jsut want to stay friends, let him know easily, that love cannot be bought and that you think you would have a much better relationship and life with him if you were to stay friends. Be there for him, but don't give him any signs you like him, unless of course you do.
2007-10-18 10:10:03 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that the friendship means more to you than anything. Being gentle let him know that his move won't change the way you feel and you want to continue to remain close. Let him know that you are very flattered but you are just getting your life together and that you want to continue on this road for now.
2007-10-18 10:09:46 · answer #8 · answered by Wes 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, there really is no way to do this graciously, because he won't let it drop. You best bet is to stay away from him, if you go out as a group, make sure that he sits before you do (or he will follow you around).
Wish I had better advice.
2007-10-18 10:15:00 · answer #9 · answered by Edith Anne 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Someone who does not understand why is someone who will never understand why. That confusion is a sample of the future. Tell him you are not interested in a relationship because you already have 1... There is nothing wrong with dating who you want to. Tell him NO
2007-10-18 10:07:40 · answer #10 · answered by Rj 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋