I have lost all of my sex drive lately...?

Question

Im a 24 year old male, in a relationship. We are getting married in a few weeks. I work 9 hours a day, commute 1 hour each way morning and night, and lately with the stress of the wedding stuff, and normal day to day events, have had no desire to have sex whatsoever.

This is very abnormal for me, as im usually a pretty horny guy, and i never would have imagined i would be the one to turn it down so often. Lately my fiancee has been very upset because she tries to initiate and i just feel like i would rather lay there and do nothing, im not feeling it right now.

In the past if the girl doesnt want to, we guys have to accept that and respect it. How come the same isnt being done to me? Even though i tell her its that im tired she thinks i think she is ugly or no longer interested, its not true. And she even hints that me not wanting to is making her feel bad about herself and i should do it because i love her.

I do love her but i dont want to until i feel right about it.. help?

Wow thanks for all the answers and support and stuff... I did tell her exactly what i told everyone here, i think she STILL thinks its something wrong with her...

should i do it to ease those concerns even though i truly dont want to right now?

Answer 1

Try talking to her about it.

Answer 2

First, stop feeling guilty - that's gonna help the most. Second, let her read your question here - that's gonna show her that you realize you have a problem, it's definitely NOT her or her fault, and you really want to "fix" it. Third, DON'T TRY TO FIX IT! That's the worst - dwelling on it. Oh, are you on ANY kind of medication? If so, check with your dr. There are lots of meds that has this as a side effect - even over the counter meds like antihistamines - check all labels.
Next, RELAX. Take a bubble bath (alone or with her), BUT no sex involved. You can kiss, touch, wash, whatever, but you are NOT allowed to acutally have sex (of ANY kind- ha ha - thought you'd do the Bill Clinton thing, didn't ya?) - I'm already ahead of you, though. Next, go to bed in a clean bedroom with a candle and/or soothing music and just snuggle. Again, you can touch, kiss, etc. but NO sex. It's important that you realize that intimacy can be more than sex (women already know this; you know - "Can't we just cuddle after sex? Why do you always have to jump up and make popcorn???"). It's your turn to tell HER that you just want to be close. And since your wedding is close, make a pact with yourself and your girl - "Hey, let's try the 'no sex until the wedding night' thing" - BUT see how close you can come to sex (no pun intended . . . well, maybe a LITTLE pun was intended) and not actually HAVE sex.
and HAVE FUN WITH IT ALL - you're too stressed out - that's all it is. And you're beating yourself up over it. Give yourself some room. BREATHE

Answer 3

It's totally normal - when people get stressed/overwhelmed the sex drive can decrease, although it's usually just temporary.
I know that happens here & there with my husband and I. He goes to college full time and works full time (until 2 or 3 am) so, if he's too tired, I respect it.
Just tell her that you're just overwhelmed right now and have a lot of things on your plate. BE SURE to let her know it isn't about her at all; that you think she's gorgeous as ever, you're just really overwhelmed.
To reassure her, tell her "I'm marrying you in a few weeks... how could I not love you and find you gorgeous?"
And then jokingly say, "besides... I'm saving up for the Honeymoon night!"
Do try to give into her a little... with us girls, a little bit goes a long way. Kiss and hug her if you don't feel like sex. Hold her when you're falling asleep. Stuff like that.
Good luck & congrats on the marriage!

Answer 4

Then tell her that your working 9 hrs a day, the wedding & the commute to work 2 hrs a daily is totally over whelming you & that are stressed to the point that your sex drive has gone. But tell her that you are sure that after the wedding & all the stress goes away things will be right back to normal & if she could please understand & give you this little time to let that body part just chill you would be very grateful to her.
Tell her you love her & that there is nothing wrong with her it is just your worn complete out & need some down time.
A relationship has got to be built on love, honesty, trust, & understanding to make it work, & you are giving her all that, so please do the same for me.

Answer 5

This period before marriage is a stressful time, if not physically then at least psychologically. Try to "put aside" one evening a week when you can be together, relax, spend the evening unwinding and do try a little love and romance. Just holding one another is a great feeling and it may lead to ........ "other things". I would say that after the wedding things will right themselves - but remember LOVE stands the test of time not ROMPING SEX this side of things will naturally "calm down" as you both get older. I do wish you good luck - stay "in love" it's far more important that sex every night of the week. xx

Answer 6

I think you are feeling this way because of stress and pressure.
Make sure you talk to the girl about it or she will feel like you aren't attracted to her. Sex is an important part of a relationship and you saying "I feel tired" sounds like "I don't want to", and then the girl will worry she is not attractive to you.
Basically you need to tell her that it's not her fault and make sure she knows how beautiful she is and that you love her. Rejection makes people feel insecure and if you love her you should be able to explain this to her. Sex is important but (hopefully) there's much more to your relationship and if she understands what you're going through she will be supportive!

By the way, what's with all the "women don't usually want it" stuff?!?! Trust me, women want it... Just maybe not from you!!(LOL)

Answer 7

Ok, this is average wedding stress. My hubbie and I experianced this too, except I was the one that did not want to give in cuz of the stress. We started our mornings with a shower togeather then we had our romp in the proverbial hay... then started our day from there. We found that by doing this in the morning we were keeping true to what we love to do... yet we did not feel obligated in the evening when the day was done and we just wanted to realx. After the wedding everything returned to normal. Try this with your girl to be and see if it helps.

Answer 8

I'm not really sure what to say for advice...but I think for her, as in women in general, it's a self-esteem issue. The media and so many other influences are telling us that if guys want us sexually, then we're hot, and the guy really wants to be with us. Especially since you used to want to have sex more often, and now there's a change, she's thinking that something must have changed in the way you viewed her. Tell her how you feel, and do something romantic and sweet that will take her breath away and show her that you care, though not in a sexual way. :) Make her feel x-tra loved.

Answer 9

Have you explained to her that it is not her and that it is because you are stressed out with work and the wedding plans!? Hey it's more fun if you guys can wait until after the wedding to have sex again anyway!! Take a couple weeks offf of having sex and it will be more exciting when the wedding is over. I bet you'll actually have your sex drive back too!!

Answer 10

Tell her how you feel. You are TIRED!!!! That's normal , you have so much going on right now with the wedding working and all the driving leaves you exhausted. I would make time to tell her that you think she is beautiful and how much you love her too.
I think she will understand if you open up to her. Just find other ways to be affectionate with her so she does'nt feel like you just lost interest in her. Good luck!!!

Answer 11

Dude your STRESSED OUT! Point out everything to her that you wrote here. The long commute, long hours, wedding stuff. I'm surprised she don't see things the way you do. If that don't work tell her you want to wait til your wedding night. Hopefully by that night some of the stress will be gone.