What are things you should know before you marry your fiance?

Question

Or what is something you didn't know that you wish you had?
What are some things you should know in general?

Just a something I was thinking about.

I think I've gotten more answers here than with any other questions. Thank you to those of you who put some thought into your answers. I have given thumbs up to those I liked, but I can't possibly choose, so I will let it go to a vote.

Thanks again!

Answer 1

financial statement.

Answer 2

Absolutely everything! That's why a couple needs to date at least two years, seriously - you need the time before considering engagement.
Also, premarital counselling is amazing, because it does bring up things you may not have thought of... and is great to spur communication.
You need to know things about future family life, basically - how does he get along with his parents and siblings, what's his stand on feminism, would he like a SAHM when you have children, whose career is 'more' important in case of a promotion or a move;
Culture and religion - shared values, morals, upbringing, what faith each of you follows, how you will raise children - in what faith and how, and what is important; ethnic differences or similarities - including things like celebrating holidays and special days;
Character - is he of good character? This is an old fashioned one, but important. If he found a watch on the floor of the gym, would he pocket it, or give it to the lost and found? If more money came out of the ATM than the amount he requested, would he take the extra back to the bank? If he was buying a stereo system and the clerk drastically undercharged him, would he think "cool, a great deal", or would he point it out?
Children - any idea of how many 'wanted' - and what happens if it turns out either of you has a 'problem' and there are fertility problems - would you adopt, go the technology route, be childless? Big test question: if you were in labour with having your first child, and there were serious problems, and only one of you could be saved - either you or the baby - which one would your husband say to save, and why?
Make sure you can communicate - about anything and everything - from the most complex things to the most mundane. Smarts - you don't need the same level of education, people are intelligent in different ways, but you need someone you can talk with on a variety of topics, who is interested and interesting!
Above all, you need the spark, no matter how much you 'get along'. That chemistry is what sustains a long-term marriage. But it's not the only thing, just a big factor.
Biggest advice -- you get what you get, don't expect him to change. That's the biggest problem lots of women fall into - thinking he will change after marriage. No, he won't. You get what you choose, so make it a wise choice.

Answer 3

You should at least know their basic character traits. Are they grumpy or happy in the morning? Are they a sports nut? Do they like the outdoors? Things like that. If one of you is a morning person and the other isn't, how do you handle this every day? If one despises sports and the other can spout every football and baseball statistic ever known, what do you do on Sunday afternoons? One a home-body and one always on the go? After you think about the differences, you have to ask yourself if you can live with this person in spite of the differences. We don't want a carbon copy of ourselves but there has to be some common ground to build the relationship on.
Most importantly, at the end of the day, do you still want to spend time with this person? Yes, then good luck in your life together. No, think about looking somewhere else.

Answer 4

From a practical point of view, you have to know a lot of his history (financial, medical, social). Once you get married, if he has any financial judgements, they will become yours too, and you will also be held accountable for them. You want to know what type of health he's in (not just STDs) but any habits that he could be keeping from you, or something that might lead to something bigger so that you can emotionally prepare for it (ex. family history of lung cancer and he smokes, etc). How does he treat his mom? That will be an indication of how he will treat you after you get married. How about the way he treats his friends, business associates, and waitstaff at the restaurant?

Premarital counseling is always a good idea.

I hope you two will be happy together!

Answer 5

1. Do we love, trust and respect each other?

2. Do we share the same expectations of marriage?

3. Do we share things in common that make us shout, cry and laugh?

4. Do we agree on major life issues, such as children, family and friends, where we'll live and style of living?

5. Do we have a way of managing conflict?

6. Do we share the same views on infidelity and commitment to avoiding temptation?

7. Do we love each other just the way we are today, without any hidden agenda to try to change the other?

Answer 6

Religious beliefs. Views on raising children. How good they are with money management. Longterm goals and future wants/desires. I personally think sexual compatibility is a big thing too, but to each their own.

Basically, what you see should be what you get. Do NOT go into it thinking "well, I'm not crazy about this aspect of them, but I can get them to change..." Won't happen. A spouse will have flaws, but just be ok with accepting those flaws. Money, religion, and kids are big "hot button" issues for fights, so it helps to be on the same page there.

I should also add: How well they -- and you -- get along with their family. This can be a HUGE source of strain and conflict if the relationship with his/her family is negative. My husband and I are going through some issues with that right now, and fortunately we are on the same page (ie., that his family is out of line and we need to minimize contact with them)...I've seen marriages fall apart over in-law conflicts.

Answer 7

You should find out his feelings on children, his job history and credit score (for stability), any disgusting habits (like biting his toe nails or habitually not flushng after #2). If there is anything at all that you can think of that would be a big issue for you and something that you know you wouldn't be able to live with (like drinking, smoking, drugs, friends that are ex-girlfriends, etc.), you should ask him about it...and let him ask you questions too; I'm sure there are things about you that he wants to know.

Congrats & Good Luck!

Answer 8

I haven't been married very long, but I highly doubt everything will change just because we got married. Things change because of how long you've been together in a relationship, whether you are married or not. I have known my husband for over 8 years, and most of that time we were just friends.
In general, I suppose I'd say you should know about their family background/upbringing, financial issues, and general info about past relationships.
If you have any doubts that you don't know enought about your fiance, don't get married.

Answer 9

always respect each other and talk about EVERYTHING and i mean EVERYTHING this person should be your best friend, when you're mad just step away from the argument and wait till you cool off alway think before you say something and learn to apologize and forgive. and most important keep God at the center of your relationship! a great book to read is "saving your marriage before it starts" by drs les and leslie parrot . these are things i have learned over the last year and i'm sure there is way more to learn.. congrats

Answer 10

It is very easy when you are engaged to have your head in the clouds but it is important to comminicate BEFORE getting married. My beloved wanted to buy me a ring I said sit down we need to talk I knew even back then that there was a 70% chance that I would never be able to give him children and if this was a problem to speak up and no that would not be a problem he said you will be my baby and I told him firmly NEVER ever to throw this back in my face we are married 14 years as of next week and to his credit he never was mean about it we still dont have kids but we are happy and fufilled. We talked for 2 hours and then went ring shopping.

I want to be careful how I word this but when I lived with my parents they had an apartment as a relative lived with us before she passed away. I needed to talk to my fiance about some sins I did in my past. My mom was very kind and let me shut the door to talk to him as we were in the apartment but as soon as we finished talking I would have to open the door.
I was a virgin until I was married but did have experience other than hugging and kissing and I did not want my hsuband to think that I was a back woods virgin that I did not know anything so with help from God I told him my sins and he said he still loved me and wanted to marry me. That was one of the toughest things I ever had to do my beloved was very understanding and compassionate.

It is important to talk about everything budgeting, family planning, spiritual goals, too many couples before marraige are in touchy feely mode that they dont take the time to talk about real life issues. It is also important to talk about how to bless and encourage on another. I would reccomend you reading the 5 languages of love by Gary Smalley it talks about love languages that relate to you it is an awesome book and I would encourage you and your intended to read it together and take the test to figure out your love language you will find it a fun and interesting read. I am proud of you that you posted this it shows a lot of depth and maturity on your part. I wish you all the very best.

Answer 11

I got engaged to my fiance 18 days after our first date. I knew he was a good person, had good manners and morals and that if he should ever marry someone it would be forever. The very important thing that I needed to know was that I would not be able to live without him in my life. I realize we are a special case and I don't recommend our situation to anyone but it is working for us and we are willing to work.