My aunt has terminal cancer, about 8 weeks life expectancy. We have arranged palliative home care but she is essentially refusing nursing assistance. Her family and a local program provide meals and light housekeeping, pay the bills. She hasn't had a bath since August, changes her clothes about every 2 weeks, not taking her meds, and is lying to the weekly nurse about all of this. What can be done legally and medically to ensure she gets the care she needs, even if she doesn't want it?
2007-10-18 08:36:20 · 9 answers · asked by Trixiecat 2 in Health ➔ Diseases & Conditions ➔ Cancer
She deserves the respect to live out her last weeks however she wants to.
She may feel that refusing assistance will help her end come more quickly, and who are you to interfere with her efforts?
Just clean up the really bad accidents that she might have - unless she struggles to prevent you or her assistants, and if the assistant doesn't want to comply, find one who will - there ARE hospice workers who understand this phenomenon, and will work with it.
When she stops eating, you'll know she's trying to pull her plug, and if you have any respect, you won't start force-feeding and further violating her.
Sorry to be so blunt, but that's how I see it.
2007-10-18 08:43:06 · answer #1 · answered by HyperDog 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've been studying issues such as this in law school. These responders are right, in a way--you could just choose to honor her wishes. But another option is to petition the court for guardianship. It seems that in most cases, guardianship is granted, and this would make you--or anyone else who petitions for guardianship--the person who makes these kinds of decisions for her. I wouldn't go so far as admitting her to a mental institution, but you could now admit her to a nursing home or start her with the home care.
A lot of elderly people refuse help/care, and their refusals seem absolutely crazy to others. Sometimes, the decisions these elderly individuals make can lead to death, but sometimes that's what they honestly find preferable. Many older people just cannot stand the idea of nursing homes or others caring for them, unless maybe those providing the care are family members. They have a great fear of losing autonomy, and your wanting to make decisions for your aunt that she doesn't want you to make...goes along with that. So think about it--you have those two main choices: respecting her wishes, or guardianship.
2007-10-18 15:46:42 · answer #2 · answered by The Lone Wolverine 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She has very little time left, and she's depressed, but it also sounds like she's ready to go. She doesn't want strangers bothering her, and I don't blame her. If family doesn't want to help her, let her go. Leave her alone and let her go.
If you really care about this woman, visit her, love her, tell her that giving her a bath and helping her change clothes is something you like doing for her, and MEAN it. She'll be able to tell if you're just saying it to get your way. Listen to your family history, this may be your last chance. Death is part of life. Give her the dignity of making this last decision.
2007-10-18 15:44:56 · answer #3 · answered by SLA 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
pay someone to bathe her every 3 days
or buy a hot tub
with handsome young man to entice her to go there
budget kind of matters, anyone in line to inherit anything who cares about karma would hire those young men
anyway, also, find a restaurant that makes food she likes, arrange at least one meal delivered per day, pay $5 extra to throw away what's left of yesterday's meal
get hospice
get anyone who cares to check in for an hour or two a week
get somebody to clean once a week
2007-10-18 15:43:46 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She has the right to choose. It is possible to go through the courts and have her declared incompetent, but not likely to happen in that short amt of time.
Although I would talk to her and tell her that if she is going to refuse then she needs to refuse. She should NOT be lieing to her health care providers. Although if ppl are ragging on her, that will encourage the lieing bc she doesnt want to listen to it.
You need to realizet that just bc she is elderly doesnt mean that she is not competent to make her own choices.
2007-10-19 14:45:17 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
How about, at this stage in her life, allowing her to die as she wants? She only has 8 weeks. If she changes her mind, she'll tell you. How about grant her the dignity of respecting her wishes? So what if she hasn't bathed? And maybe the meds make her feel worse. It's her death, respect her enough to allow her to conduct it the way she wants.
2007-10-18 15:40:39 · answer #6 · answered by suzanne g 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If she has only 8 weeks left, why can't you let her live the remainder of her life as she chooses? Soon enough she will be unable to get out of bed, that is time enough to bring in caregivers, for now, give her the respect she deserves by allowing her to live as she wishes.
2007-10-18 15:40:04 · answer #7 · answered by essentiallysolo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Understand my mom is 89 and now lives with us. For you I would contact Hospice and they will help with these services. You could also hire a home health provider (it would be cheaper than the nursing home for the short time she might be there.
2007-10-18 15:44:26 · answer #8 · answered by lakelover 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she has less than 2 months to live, will it really matter if she does bathe,, if you wanted to do something this should have been done months ago,, ie lawyers and doctors... try and enjoy what little time you have left with her..
2007-10-18 15:42:33 · answer #9 · answered by hello kitty 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋