my husband passed away 4 weeks ago from stage four lung cancer i do not know how to cope please give me advise

Answer 1

My husband died almost 6 months ago from stage four lung cancer. I am still having problems, but I am doing a little bit better. I cried to much and couldn't handle things at all. I was thinking that I wasn't going to do any better.

I talk to my daughter and step-daughters, other family and lots of friends. Going to work actually helped me. At least during the time I worked I did a little better since it was so different from my personal life.

I read some books that give me comfort. I watch light non-serious movies periodically. I go out with family and friends more than I did.

Give yourself time here. I still don't feel normal, but I have come quite a ways. I am thinking of you.

Answer 2

I am so sorry for your loss - I have been in a similar situation, though no one can ever truly know how you are feeling, I know that it is very hard to go on, while someone you love is gone. Please realize that there are many stages to grief - Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance...everyone has their own length of time that they use to cope with these, and there is no right time for any. You need to find a support group, or at least a good friend to talk with. Find someone who knew him well and spend an evening celebrating his life - share good memories, and bad, letting it all out. You have to cope - you have to keep going while it seems that you can't. You will hate the world for spinning, you will hate some people for living, you will hate that you can't just crawl into a hole and make everything stop - am I close? Find faith and pray, if you believe, and know that every now and then, you just have to curl up in bed and have a good cry - he was loved and he is missed...there is nothing wrong with crying, sometimes. I truly wish you peace.

Answer 3

I'm very sorry for your loss and for your husband. As many people here know, my wife died from cancer a little more than a year ago. I don't have any advise that I can offer. It is painful and the hurt does not go away just because we want it to.

Spending time here does help. It is painful and full of tears, but it helps to share your experience with others that feel like they are alone in their heartbreak. We are not, I promise.

There will be times that crying is the best solution. Sometimes, it is the only solution.

Email me if you would like. I am happy to listen.

Good luck and God bless.

Answer 4

I'm so sorry for your loss. Healing takes a long time. Some people never heal, they just learn to understand and deal with it in a manner that is copable (lack of better word)..

There are various stages of mourning though I don't remember what they all are. I know that one of them was blame. Many people blame themselves and often ask if there was anything they could have done to prevent things. Know that you couldn't have prevented this. Don't blame yourself and keep your head up.

There are places you can go to get help with the grieving process. Look it up online. There are even hotlines that you can call that can give you a little advice. Some of them are even free.

Dont stay at home and do nothing, keep your mind and your heart busy with things that make you happy. Stay close to family and friends as they are a key part to helping you through this grieving process.

Answer 5

(((HUG))) First of all, you needed a hug. My husband has been in the hospital for three months as we (and it is always we) are fighting his cancer. I have thought long and hard about what I shall do if he doesn't make it and there are no clear answers. I wish I could tell you how to best cope, but we are each so different as are our relationships with the person who doesn't survive.

All the answers given here have been given with love and caring. I have found for myself, that I have to have faith and often use intentional meditation to get through the day. I find being active helps me.....whether it is taking an exercise class, going out for a a walk, sitting by a pond and watching the water, or simply reaching out to someone else who needs help. Still being at the hospital, I see others in waiting rooms dejected or crying and sometimes just getting them a glass of water, putting my arm around their shoulder and letting them cry or even crying with them, helps ease my own pain. Maybe by reaching out and working with the homeless, volunteering at a hospital, reading stories to children at the library....anything which involved YOU giving to others, will help fill the void you are feeling.

Nothing will replace the hole left by your husband's passing, but I know in my heart, that if my husband doesn't make it, he would not want to see me destroyed by his death for it would make his life seem worthless. Rejoice in the life you had together and see how you can live your life full of the love you shared. They say time heals all wounds and perhaps it does, but to lose a spouse is difficult if you had a loving relationship.

Allow those around you to do for you and accept their offerings of help, love and suggestions. Four weeks is not a long time. And you have mentally and physically been there throughout your husband's cancer even longer. Give yourself a break - do something for you. If someone asks you what you need, tell them a massage, a facial, a spa day of being pampered. Believe me, you will find yourself perhaps disolving into tears, but it will be so cleansing for you.

See if there is a grief group at your local hospital, through a cancer center, etc. Sometimes knowing that you are not alone helps. I know it has helped me, as well as my husband, to be invovled with our local cancer center.

Bless you. I have you in my thoughts and prayers. You will get through this - as we all have to. I wish there were a simple answer to make your life feel normal again. I end with another (((HUG)).

Answer 6

My Mother lost my Father on November 12th 2004. She still has trouble coping with his death. I try SO hard to help her cope on a daily basis but it's still really hard for her. I cannot imagine how you or her are feeling but I can tell you that talking to someone who has suffered the same loss really will be helpful. I try to encourage my Mom to go to group meetings but she is so withdrawn that it will take time for her to speak to others about her loss. I feel that if I had gotten her into some kind of support group sooner it may have helped her to heal a little faster. I realize she will never fully heal after a loss so tremendous but I do encourage you to join a support group soon so you can begin the healing process.
good luck and may God bless you!

Answer 7

I cant believe some peoples answers!!! sorry for your loss. I know its different but i lost my Mum to kidney cancer sept 7, she was sick only 4 months. You dont cope! How can you when you miss them so much?? I have joined a support group and im also seeking counselling. Probably like you i was full time carer. i gave up everything to be with her. There is soooo much pain and hurt in my heart. Mum was my best friend, i saw her almost every day it has just been such an awful shock and at times i still cant believe it has happened. I still havent returned to work, i have just taken time out for me. i dont need any unnecessary stress in my life so i avoid it at all costs. I feel for you, contact me if you feel you need to.

Answer 8

The Cancer society in your area have a help unit just for women like you..... I know how hard it is to cope.... I lost my daughter two years ago she was 45 and my best friend... The Cancer Society put me with a group and we talked it over and after a while I came out of my depressed state... God bless.. Grant M in Pennsylvania

Answer 9

Time will ease your pain my mum died from lung cancer asbestoses ..you are still in the grieving stage you need to keep your mind occupied now otherwise its easy to slip into depression just think how your partner will be feeling if he knew you were not coping to well he would tell you to keep your chin up and try to re-build your live again

Answer 10

Even though he isn't physically here with you anymore, you can still continue your relationship with him in spirit.

I believe that true love transcends time and space. I don't know if you believe in God and Christ, but this would be a good time to speak with Him and ask him to calm your heart.

I am very sorry that you and your husband were separated. I recently did a funeral picture for an elderly gentleman who just lost his wife. He was in his 70s and I know they must have been together for a very long time. He came into my office with a very chipper attitude, but about halfway through the meeting, he broke down and had to excuse himself.

It saddened me beyond compare, because I felt his pain as I do yours.

Take this time to strengthen your relationships with friends and family. And remember that your husband would not have wanted you to be suffering right now.

God bless.