i had twins 2 years ago .. after 3 months i gave in .. cos despite staying with in laws i got no help.. so i had to hire a maid and now my kids are quite a bit attached to her.. and well to me too but not that much . She will be going after a month for 2 months..so how do i do things that they dont miss her much ... ?
2007-10-18 06:45:46 · 7 answers · asked by barley 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
Children "attach" and "bond" to who EVER they spend the
most time with. They respond to the person that is meeting
their needs. That is why (I feel) that it is VERY important to
nuture your OWN children during the first few years of life.
However ... I do understand .... that is NOT always possible.
My adult daughter is in a similar situation with HER 3 month
old ... My daughter works while her husband (home on
disability) cares for the children. The 3 month old crys to
"go back to Daddy" when MY daughter comes in and takes
her!
AGAIN ... the reality is that Children BOND to the primary
caregiver.
I also have twin granddaughters .... So I understand the
added demands when there are TWO BABIES instead of
just one. You have to make some decisions about the time
that you spend with your children. I am NOT clear if you
work outside the home or not.
You say that the attachment is "too much; but not that much"
Not sure what that means .... Are your children actually TOO
attached to the maid; Or are you concerned because of
ANY attachment AT ALL that they have??? Over the years,
I have had to accept that my children ... AND later my grand
children were attached to my husband, my in-laws, other
aunts and uncles .... Or could it be that you feel guilty about
NOT spending enough time with them???
You obviously need to EITHER make an adjustment in
your THINKING and FEELINGS ... OR you need to make
adjustments in the amount of time and interaction that you
have with your children!
Prayerfully you will make the right decision .... and take the
right actions!
2007-10-18 08:25:47 · answer #1 · answered by kjh 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a nanny, I can tell you that leaving will be just as hard for the nanny as the kids, if not moreso. Make sure to spend time with the kids AND the nanny together for awhile. Slowly let the nanny go an hour or two earlier or come later and then cut out days here and there. That way the transition isn't all at once. It should be much better for everyone that way! Also, make sure to give your nanny a great thank you gift and send her with photos of the kids and artwork to remember them by. Also, make sure to send her email updates or give her a call every now and then to let her know she's missed. It'll be hard to do, but she'll really appreciate it!
2007-10-18 15:19:17 · answer #2 · answered by Sit'nTeach'nNanny 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Start spending more time with the kids. First, join the nanny and the kids when they are playing or eating. Having you with them will seem strange at first, but they'll get used to it. Keep that up for a few days, then let the nanny go off and do other things while its just you and the kids for playtime and meals. Let the amoount of time you do this each day increase and by the time she leaves, your children will be happy to have you.
2007-10-18 13:58:43 · answer #3 · answered by Merrie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can't say that you made a bad decision because I wasn't there at the time when you hired the maid... but... you created this situation, and you can end it also.
How often is your maid at the house if the kids are that attached? She must be there every day?!? Jeez - I clean once a week if I'm lucky.
This is easy, get rid of the maid.
2007-10-18 14:47:29 · answer #4 · answered by amber 18 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would suggest making yourself into the maid. Do what she did with them, whether it's making them food, or taking them to the park. Slowly transitioning to become that maid to them in their eyes. Talk to the maid, find out what she did and then do it for your kids. You must be patient with them as your maid probably was to them. Listen to your kids but don't let them over take your authority. In the absent of the maid and without proper transfer, I would think the kids will try to get their ways with you.
goodluck!
2007-10-18 14:02:46 · answer #5 · answered by doanius 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Start spending as much time with them as you can and slowly phase out her time. You need to be the mother however don't punish your children because they're attached to her and take her away abrumptly. You've put them in that position...so be slow with taking them out of it. I think it's wonderful for them that they had someone to attach to. However now you need to go slow.
2007-10-18 14:18:38 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You did that by hiring her. Get rid of her and bond with those kids before it is too late. Be their mother......
2007-10-18 13:54:52 · answer #7 · answered by deb 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋