We've been living together for a long time now...we both have great jobs..we have nice cars..nice apartment..nice furniture..we do not have back bills..we are fully established! The PROBLEM- I want to start havign a family..I want a baby! and he wants to wait...His sister who is 2 years younger then me is having a baby and her boyfriend doesnt work..they live with his aunt..and yet they are doing..here we are established and he says we arent ready. what do i do? I dont want to be an old mother and father...I want to start my family young. Help
2007-10-18 06:38:42 · 23 answers · asked by lil one 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
The optimal time to have a baby is when both of you are ready. I know it's an old fashioned way of thinking, but I believe it is a good idea to get married first and then start a family. I am sure there are couples out there that have had a baby first, then got married (or not), and are still in a loving, committed relationship. However, my personal experience with the people in my life who have had a baby first before marriage, none of them are any longer together as a couple. Of course, getting married first then having a baby doesn't guarantee a life-long relationship either, but I know more couples who are still together who did it that way. Living together as boyfriend/girlfriend is a different relationship dynamic than living together as husband/wife. Yes, I know I'll get many a thumbs-down rating, but that is just how I feel about it. I had my last child at 38 years old and I do not intend to be an "old mother" even though when she graduates high school I will be a mere 56 years old. That sounded ancient to me when I was 23, but not so much now that I am 49. What you do is talk to your boyfriend, share your feelings with him, listen to his reasoning, find out what it would take for him to be ready. If you just can't come to an agreement on children, this may be a deal breaker for the 2 of you and you'll need to find someone else who is of the same mind-set as you regarding children. My husband and I were married very young, I was 18 and he was 19. We, too, thought it was great to have our kids when we were young so we'd have all the kids out of the house when we were young enough to enjoy life. But, then, when I had been on birth control pills for 11 years and our kids were 18, 15, and 12, we found out I was expecting! Definitely NOT in our long-range plan and definitely a big surprise. Now, here we are at 49 and 50 and our kids are 28, 26, almost 23, and 10. Circumstances have not only our 10 year old living at home, but we also have our 26 year old and our almost 23 year old adult children living at our house. So, regardless of what you want, sometimes things just don't always work out the way you'd like them too. It's hard, but don't bring up what everyone else is doing about having a baby, it probably isn't important to him. It's most important that you have a child when you are both ready.
2007-10-18 07:12:53 · answer #1 · answered by sevenofus 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's not wrong so much as it's not normal. Some may argue that a lot of people date older people, a 33 year difference may show up on occasion. However, if you look at the age difference from the population in general this is not the norm. That doesn't mean it's bad or anything. If you are the younger party, be aware if your older boyfriend isn't taking advantage if your lack of life experience relative to him. If you guys click, good for you. Just know if it comes time to settle down or something, he would likely pass away sooner than you a) because he has already lived 33 years more than you b) even then women statistically live longer than men People at work can chit chat or whatever, as long as this relationship is legal and not affecting the quality of your work, and you're emotionally able to handle it I don't see a problem. Make sure you're not getting taken advantage of.
2016-05-23 09:18:35 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having a family is a huge decision! It's something that can only work if both of you are 100% sure and cmmited! Discuss it with your boyf, maybe because you are well established and have good jobs he just wants to live the high life for a few years before facing that extra responcibility! I would say talk to him more, discuss you desire for a child and why you think it's a good idea. If he really doesn't want one still you just have to accept it! Sorry! Maybe you could agree to something, eg a baby in 5 years. Good luck!!
2007-10-18 06:45:13 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Firstly, I think it's slightly unfair people keep saying in order to be ready for a baby or "established" you have to be married. Marriage isnt for everyone, it certainly isnt for me. I dont believe in getting married, have been with my boyfriend for over six years, and have our first baby on the way and although it was unplanned both of us wanted a baby soon anyway.
Secondly I think your best bet is to talk to your boyfriend about why he doesn't want a baby yet. If he wants to wait for the "right" time, there will never be a right time. Becoming a parent is a scary/exciting/beautiful time. If it has something to do with your relationship though, I would deffinatly get that in order before having a baby. Being a single mom is a very hard road to go down (although kudos to those moms who do it - their awesome!) and one you probably dont want to go down.
2007-10-18 06:51:39 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
pressuring him into having a child will put strain on your relationship. Maybe he wants to wait until you guys are married. There is no such thing as an old mom, you are only as old as you feel. I'm 31 having my 4th and i feel like i am 12 half the time. I had my first son when i was 20 and honestly i wish i had waited 5 or 6 more yrs before getting pregnant. I wouldn't give my son up for anything but i just wish i had waited.
Good things come to those who wait.
2007-10-18 06:43:47 · answer #5 · answered by Wishmaster 6 · 5⤊ 0⤋
you will still be a young mother in a few years... i'd definitely wait. he is not ready so you as a couple are not ready!
do you have health insurance with maternity? with most companies you need that coverage for about a year before you're prego before they'll cover anything as they'll consider it a pre-existing condition. can you afford to add baby on as a dependant? Do you have life insurance in case something happens to you... will your baby be financially able to live without you?
are you and your boyfriend ready to commit to eachother and to baby? I would have a ring on my finger before I had a baby with someone... the child deserves parents who are truly committed to eachother.
I'd wait... you are young and will be for quite some time. Don't worry about your clock ticking quite yet!
2007-10-18 08:10:00 · answer #6 · answered by Rossy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should get married before having a baby. This shows that both of you are commited. The sister sounds like she has a loser boyfriend. It doesnt matter if you have all this money(it helps) but its not everything in the world. I think the fact that the sister is having a child makes you want one since you are older. Do NOT force him into going into something sooner than he would like, you will regret it.
2007-10-18 06:50:44 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he wants to wait until you guys are married, not saying that you need to be but maybe that's what he wants. You may be fully established financially but maybe he wants more than that before you bring children into the picture, or maybe he just wants to live out his 20s child free. My fiance and I are waiting until we are at least 28 (I am 22 and he is 23) to have children because we want to be set (as your guys are, we're almost there but we are getting ready to buy our first house together ;) ), married, and be able to have done things together first like travel to places we'll never be able to with children. Talk to him about it and see what his true feelings are. As for his sister, well that sounds like a bad mix, they should have waited.
2007-10-18 06:46:44 · answer #8 · answered by Meggie Smalls 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I don't care how much money, or "stuff" you have, having a baby is a huge commitment, for the rest of your life. Maybe your boyfriend realizes that. Maybe there's a reason he's your boyfriend and not yet your husband, is marriage too much of a commitment? If so, then why would you think he's ready for a baby?
2007-10-18 07:21:12 · answer #9 · answered by CaliTransplant 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm 20 years old and I'm 5months pregnant.. I wasn't planning to have a baby or nothing but I knew not him having a condom can lead to getting pregnant.. He didn't wanted to be a father because he wanted to wait and blah blah but look now! Hes so happy that we are having a baby boy.... I believe your husband will change his mind once you get pregnant.. Either let it happen or not wear protection
GoodLUCk!
2007-10-18 08:48:11 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋