My husband's sister in law is driving us nuts! Does anyone have good advice?

Question

My husbands brother is 27 he married a 42 yr old woman. This woman takes care of him like if it is her child and he likes that. She is always in charge. Anyway, she is so rude, she always has someting to say and its always bad. They recently moved out of state and she expects my husband to call his brother all the time. We dont have time to call them plus we dont call him because she always answers his phone. She is now calling their mom and telling her that my husband is mean cause he never calls his brother and that we dont care about family and blah.. blah...blah. what do I do? My husband wont tell her anything and im tired of it. The mom is always telling my husband to be nice and call his brother and he doesnt tell her why. Should I tell the mom?

Answer 1

Nope. That is b/w mom and son. Every time someone attempts to pull you in, go in the opposite direction. Hopefully your name is not Bennett so you don't have to be in it.

Answer 2

Tell your mother-in-law that it's okay with you if your husband's sister-in-law wants to be his brother's "mommy" but she doesn't run your family. His brother is grown man and is capable of thinking and talking for himself.

Your husband's mother is also treating her son's like a couple of juveniles and she needs to butt out and stop issuing orders. Just because the "boys" aren't yapping at each other all the time, doesn't mean they are mortal enemies. However, she can keep stirring the pot and turn them into enemies.

It's obvious that the sister-in-law is nothing more than a troublemaker. Where do I get the feeling that she is uncomfortable being 15 years older than her husband?

As much as you may want to say something to this person, if you do, you will be doing exactly the same thing you are complaining about. Let your husband speak for himself, and he will, when he has had enough of the "bi+ching"........unless he's a wimp.

Answer 3

Well you COULD tell the mom, but that would just be putting her in the middle, and I don;t think that would be fair to her. The best route to go, is to plain and simply ignore her. Indifference(act of showing neither anger nor joy) will make her shut up. She probobly knows no one likes her so she wants to make herself look better to her husband by saying, see! see! They don't care. If your brother in law is wise, and mature, he will not play in her little fire starting games himself. Just be the bigger person, and wait until something is mentioned to you from her or your Bro. in law, and then say, hey, we have busy lives and the phone goes two ways, ya know? And watch how fast that end. And if that don;t work, you can always turn the finger on her have your hubby say, look, my bro and I have a great relationship and it is somthing that where we don;t feel the need to talk every damn day. We know where we stand. If all else fails, wrap a box of depends for the old broad and stick it under the family christmas tree. I doubt she will ever b*tch about you guys calling them again!

Answer 4

Well your husband needs to step up and take care of the situation if he dislikes it so much. If his mother really cared what was going on she would ask him.
As far as the sister in law. Just tell her as nice as you can how you feel and you don't appreciate her comments. But this lady sounds like a drama queen/control freak. So good luck with that.

Answer 5

Yes this is your husband and this affects you too, but only indirectly. If I was in this situation with my husband, I'd just let my husband deal with it the way he sees fit. This issues it between him and his brother.
(And between your husband and his mother....and his mother and her other daughter in law and her other son. There are several issues here...)

I wouldn't say anything to his Mommy because he's a grown man. If my mother in law, directly asked me a question about a situation like this, I may or may not tell her. Most likely I'll give her a casual comment like "Ask him, not me."

I think everyone needs to butt out of everyone else's business and start acting like adults.

Answer 6

Tough situation. Sounds like both the sister and mother are needy, and think this brother is needy as well.

Try to let them know that whatever happens is between your husband and his brother alone. Being in a similar situation, I know that may not work, but it's all you can do. Your choices beyond that are to either ignore them or fight them. Your husband has chosen to ignore, as I have; my wife chose to fight.

Answer 7

Stay out of this. Your husband is a grown up, if he wants to call his brother, he will. Obviously, for whatever reason, he doesn't. Is the brother comatose or something? Phone calls go both ways.

Answer 8

First rule to always remember when you get married, issues with your mother in law, your husband needs to handle.... issues with your mother, you need to handle.

Best thing for you to do is try to stay out of it -- notice the word "try", because it takes a lot of practice and patience, but just "try". If the issue comes up, defer to your husband: his brother, his mother.

Answer 9

Their relationship (she mothers him and he likes it) is not in any way any of your business.

I think you should stay out of the squabbles between the in-laws and your husband.

It sounds as though you don't really need to deal with her at all; be happy about that.

(I do wonder that the brother sounds incapable of dialing a phone -- how pathetic is that? If he wants to talk to his brother, why doesn't he call him?)

It's for your husband to explain things to his mom, or not (though why not is hard to understand).

But I think you should stay out of it.

Answer 10

Explain the situation to the mom, and tell her he will call his brother when its important to do so. For a woman of 42, she is acting like a child, I truly wonder who is in charge in that relationship, as she acts dependent and controlling. Since they moved out of state, it would be up to both parties to maintain contact, and not just one of them. She is attempting to play a guilt trip and your husband should not fall for it, and it is childish for the sister-in-law to attempt to play their mother in this way.

Answer 11

In Laws can be such a pian some times. I am always telling my husband I did not marry his family I married him. The fact is though when you get married you do have to deal with them. You need to be blunt with this woman. Just because she can boss your brother in law around does not mean she can tell you or your husband what to do. If you and your husband wants to call him do not let the sister in law stand n your way, just because you do not want to talk to her. When you call just insist that you want to talk to her husband and not her. If you and your husband just do not feel like calling his brother than don't. It is not her place to tell you when to call, your brother in law could always call the two of you if he really wanted to talk. Does your husbands brother ever call your house? Just let his brother know that he is more than welcome to call your house any time. If it gets to bad just let him know you do not like his wife.