my 3 year old son doesn't listen to me or his dad but is an angel with everyone else?

Question

he whines when he wants or doesn't want something. he ignores me & his father completely or does the opposite of what we ask of him or tell him. he hurts his 11 month old brother. & is just bad. he is starting to act like this at his grandma's house too. but at the babysitter she thinks he is terrified of her because he only says about 5 words to her all day & doesn't do anything bad. if the other kids are being bad, he finds something else to do. do we ignore it? do we yell louder? we have spanked & used time out but those things haven't worked out...HELP!!!!

Answer 1

he's obviously gotten away with the behavior for far too long to change now.

the things he enjoys need to be taken away from him. once he sees he can't have them becuz of his bad behavior, u can reward him gradually.

Answer 2

Sounds like a 3 year old.
You need a combination of scolding, spanking, and playing.
I'm guessing he's good around others because they are expressing interest in him. But with parents, those simple "look what I did" things aren't interesting to you at all and there's a lack of attention. If he's on his own while other kids are misbehaving he doesn't really wish to be bad. He's just bored. He needs more play time with mom and/or dad, and more strictness when his actions call for it. He obviously cannot be hurting the little one. Do you give in if he cries after being scolded? You can't do that, he knows it. I know it's tough, my four year old was just whining for the last hour because nobody would go outside and play with her. It's storming out. My oldest is 11, been down this road.

Answer 3

Sounds like mom and dad do not give out any discipline. Better start now, or you are in trouble. Being good for someone else is normal, but they need to be good for you.

Don't yell, set some rules and stick with them. Be consistent, and do what you say you are going to do. If you tell him that he is going to get a spanking if hes does something. Give him a spanking if he does it. And give him another spanking if he does it again.

As far as it not working, keep it up and you will see a change. Sometimes it hurts you more than it does him. Being a parent is hard work. But the ground rules you sit now will follow though when he is a teenager.

Answer 4

Your son is doing this because it works for him. Your job is to discover what it works to bring him and how you can give him what he NEEDS in a much better manner. He is pulling your chain because it is a game he plays with you, a game that gets the results he needs. My guess would be that he isn't getting enough "strokes" from you (ie positive attention) otherwise and thus he is settling for the negative attention he gets when he is "bad". I can imagine that your life is very full, but it sounds like you MUST find a way to spend more "quality time" and "one on one time" with this kid. Are you and your husband very affectionate parents? (Rather unaffectionate parents often fight this battle.) I would not ignore it! I would not yell louder or even spank. I would discipline never punish, but I would not fail to discipline these inappropriate actions. But at the same time you MUST find more time for hugs and stories, for kisses and games, for cuddling and playing.
Also, I would never label my child "bad". I would not say, "You are bad" or "You are being bad" or anything that may cause him to accept that he is "bad" and that's just the way "bad" boys act. Instead give him positive instruction and loads of positive reinforcement. You will find that, "I like it when you hug your brother" will bring you much better results than "Don't hit your brother!"
If you start reading books by Kevin Leman you will find that parenting will get easier and more enjoyable.

Answer 5

How much time do you spend with him during a day? He may be acting out for attention. Spankings are a start but keeping your word is also quite effective. If you say something make sure to never falter in following through. Time out is semi weak... what is his favorite thing in the world? Take it. He will be very upset but proper application of a spanking and isolation in his room will cure him. Punishment must last for a while, disobeying your parents is the first step to a life of making others and yourself miserable. Look for some books by Dr. James Dobson, he is great when it comes to child rearing advice.

Answer 6

your kids are testing you. Kids need to know who is the boss, they need structure and discipline. If you and your hubby do not give fair, consistant rules, and enforce them in the same manner, your kids are going to be completley out of control. Punishment needs to be fair, and constant, but goes in steps. First tell the child no. if it continues, tell the child " I said no and if you continue I will punish you". If it continues, punish the child. this also starts in levels. It can be as simple as a time out where they sit in a corner for 1/2 hour. If that isn't enough ( and it usually isn't) send them to the couch (not their room) with no tv, radio, computer etc for an hour. If that doesn't work, paddle their butt and ground them for the day to chores, and no friends or entertainment. Don't give in and allow them to get off the set punishment until it is completed. If they whine or throw a tantrum, add reasonable punishment with each outburst and stick to it. It's like a child reaching out and touching a hot plate, they get burned. this leads them to realize that for that action, there is a reaction. In that case, they learn not to touch hot objects. a punishment is the same thing. It teaches them that for an in appropriate behaviour, there is a reaction IE: a punishment. I know that some people refuse to spank a child. I can tell you first hand two things. First, I came from a home where I was badly abused and beaten at the drop of a hat. My children would never, under any circumstances be "beaten". BUT, my children would be appropriatley spanked if it was called for. By spank I mean the use of your open hand applied to their butt. Never slap a child, never strike a child with your closed fist or any object. My children were brought up knowing that it was not allowed for them to act up in a restraunt, to lie, or steal, to break the rules or the laws, and that if they did, they would be punished. If you were to ask any of my 3 kids if I would have spanked their butt if they did something bad, they would each immediatley tell you "heck yes". But if you asked any of them when the last time I spanked them was, not one of them could remember ever being spanked. I showed them that there was always a fair and CONSISTANT,punishment if they deserved it, but that there was love and fairness and respect for them and from them. I rarely had to do more after that than to show them that they were not behaving, and they apoligised and stopped whatever it was they were doing wrong. My kids are growing up to respect others, abide by the laws and be a strong individual with well grounded morales. Unlike the children who's parents did not give punishment or teach them that wrong brought repricussions. You see many of those kids out on the streets every day, they lie, steal, rob, break laws and then act shocked when they find out too late that there are punisments. If they had learned this at home when younger, we would not have the problems we have today with punks, gang bangers and criminals. And my number one rule is NEVER PASS UP AN OPPORTUNITY TO HUG YOUR CHILD!!!!!!!!!
Just my two cents worth.

Answer 7

Your son knows that he can get away with this type of behavior at home, kids usually will not act out when they're not in there comfort zone, so you do understand that he knows how to act? So I would suggest that you and his father start putting your foot down. And it does not mean getting louder you just need to be firm and make him have a consequence for every bad behavior. Let him know the behavior that he displays will not be tolerated.

Answer 8

You need to regain control of your son. YOU are the boss, he is the kids, and it's high time you get your roles straight! One thing that has always worked for me, is consistancy and consequences. I would make sure to lay very clear ground rules, and when my daughter made the choice to break the rules (and yes...it is a choice), there were ALWAYS consequences. No threats, just action. Then when she whined about how awful I was for following through, I always reminded her that she is the one who made the choice to not follow the rules, so she's mad at the wrong person, she should be mad at herself. I never had to raise my voice, or spank. Make sure you always stay calm when dealing with him. If you act up he's going to know he's getting to you and he's really going to continue with that behavior. An example: if your son is hurting his sibling, clearly tell him that is not ok to put your hands on anyone but yourself, unless it's in a loving and caring manner. Tell him if he chooses to hurt his brother again, he will stand with his face to the wall with his hands at his sides, for 10 minutes. If he does it again, there should be no "warning" from you. Just follow through with what you said and make him do it. The more he resists, tell him it's going to prolong the punishment and remind him that he is the one who made the choice to be in that position.

Answer 9

:) Because you're mom and dad. He's 100% comfortable and knows what he can get away with. Ever heard that saying "we hurt those who matter the most"? He knows you're there no matter what in his own 3 year old way. :) Start rewarding for listening and 'time out' for not listening. Or 'cool off time' as we call it. Good luck..you're not alone. We've all be there. The joys of being a child world..and push overs too!

Answer 10

Children test their limits in the places they are most comfortable. This is a normal stage of development. Continue to discipline your child as you normally would. He is in the process of learning what he can and can't get away with. Just be consistent, if he gets away with it this time and not next time, he will likely be confused about what he can actually do. Give it time and patience, and he will pass this stage. The fact that he is behaving when away from you indicates that he does understand the boundaries you are setting, so keep up the good work.

Answer 11

Your son is looking for attention and will do absolutely anything to get it. He will whine and act like a baby just to get this attention. Remember he may be a three year old but he is still a small child.

The only advice i can give you is to ignore the bad behaviour, don't shout at him, reward him when he is good and give him lots of cuddles and kisses.