Together for 2 1/2 years. Just reeling from an event in which he ran into and invited a woman from his apt. bldg. (he barely knows) to go with him to a wine festival, then a party, etc., w/no regard for me. Instead of fixing it, he says I should have made myself available & doesn't call for 2 wks. He then comes over but instead of making up, I tell him I can't even look at him the same anymore-I'm hurt! He asks if there's anything that could change that, I say no, so he leaves. A couple days later, he's calling me, he's miserable-so am I, so we get back. Well, about 3 weeks after that, not by his confession, I should add, that the dirty little secret is revealed. Turns out that just hours after leaving my house the night I turned him away, he went to a bar and took someone home. So, "technically" he didn't cheat, but c'mon, 2 hrs? What does that say about the value of this relationship? If he could do this after just 1 attempt to make up for last screw up? Would you get back?
2007-10-18 05:59:19 · 17 answers · asked by Michelle H 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Value yourself more.Dont allow this guy to treat you like this. Men will only do what we allow them to do. I think that he is aware that you are very forgiving, and he thinks for some reason that he can treat you like s hit and get away with it!
Stop him now! Show him that you CAN and WILL live without him. There seems to be some reason that you think he is the only guy that will possibly ever love you the way that you "think" he does. Dont degrade your self by settling for less. You deserve happiness, not worrying if everytime the two of you fight... who is going home with your man!
2007-10-18 06:05:26 · answer #1 · answered by Into The Thick Of It 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you love him, I'd say you can give him another chance, if he wants one. He admitted to you what he did, so he does have a working conscience (I don't mean that in a bad way) so the two of you do have a decent amount of communication. What the two of you need to realize is that the two of you should've talked things through from the very beginning.
He needs to admit that he was wrong to say you should've made yourself available and you need to admit you should be amiable to him when he came over, possibly to make things up with you.
What does it say about the relationship? The two of you need to communicate way more. It could remedy the possibility that he isn't valueing the fact he has you. Which, hopefully he realizes.
Don't try to make things even with him. Knowing that you are able to not have to "get back" or rather "have a night with someone else" is probably enough for him on his mind.
Give him another chance if he wants it AND you LOVE him, and make some restrictions such as, "if this happens again, we're through" and if things happen again, I think you'll know what's best to do.
2007-10-18 06:09:22 · answer #2 · answered by pertinential 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would def not take him back. he has no respect for you as a person and if he truly loved you, he would be treating you so much better. him hooking up with someone after 2 hours of leaving your place is not acceptable. he 1: can not be trusted and 2: there was no discussion that the relationship was actually over, in my eyes, he cheated!!! you expressing your feelings should be allowed and he should have u/s how you felt, not go to a bar and hook up with someone. that shows he has no respect for you. the value of your relationship is that there is no value. you must love and respect the person you are with. I'm sorry if this sound mean and harsh. good luck.
2007-10-18 06:12:29 · answer #3 · answered by peanutmunchkin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you had an agreement to not see others I can see a problem. This seems to me to be a relationship with a hair-splitter. Forever splitting hairs instead of acting in regards to the intent of a relationship.
Attitude shapes behavior and what is his attitude towards you? What is the intent of the relationship? If it is for a good time, fine take it for a good time. If it is for marriage and a life partner, do you want to be splitting hairs for the rest of your life and constantly wondering?
What happens when you get that STD? Did it technically come from him? Where you two technically together? Was it your fault he went out and got it? You cannot control other people's behavior, but you can control how you respond to it.
Good luck.
2007-10-18 06:12:48 · answer #4 · answered by Wrong Answer 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is obvious by the way you recount the events that you know that you should NOT take him back. We are talking about respect here. The fact that at no point in time he had the decency to validate your feelings or apologize for how he was treating you shouws that there is some deeper problems you might want to take a look at.
I say move on. You deserve better. Its better to have invested 2.5 years than 7, 8, or the rest of your life.
2007-10-18 06:04:12 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Actions always speak louder than words my dear. If he hooked up with a stranger from a bar, it makes me wonder what happened with the other girl he went to the wine festival with. If I were you I would cut the loser loose and don't look back. He clearly has no respect for you.
2007-10-18 06:05:01 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The night he came over to make up with you, you tell him there is nothing he can do to make up for what he did.
So, "technically" (and you are the one using that word, here).....you ended it. He was free as of that moment. So what he did in the bar is none of your business. As far as he knew, you were done with him.
So, if you two are going to be successful, you BOTH have some forgiving to do. The question is: Is your relationship worth fighting for?
I hope it is. I hope you both can forgive and forget.
2007-10-18 06:12:35 · answer #7 · answered by artistagent116 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nope, I wouldn't bother. There was flagrant disregard for the relationship and your feelings even before the "technical noncheating."
If you were together 2.5 years and he felt you distancing, the proper thing to do before asking a woman out (to the wine thing) was to break up with you.
2007-10-18 06:02:04 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why trouble yourself with this?? There are plenty of men out there. So, if you get back together and get into an arguement is he going to go to a bar and sleep with someone because he's mad or made you mad? You obviously need to forget him and move on. Good Luck.
2007-10-18 06:04:41 · answer #9 · answered by AF 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
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2016-12-18 10:57:59 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋