Hi, I'm a newbie here. I'm a single 45 y mom w/a 12 y child. Dated the same man for 6 years (some down time, not much). It's hard to work, raise kid and date. I'm tired of packing o/n clothes and playing spend the night. I want more. He keeps making excuses for not wanting to marry. He's had his cake and ate it, too. I lose myself every year. He's 4 yrs younger, never been married, no kids. I pursued him initially. We're taking a 2 month break at the suggestions of a counselor. I've basically gave an ultimatum - which I regret. But what if I had waited another year. I almost settled on living together, but it's not for me. A piece of paper means something - it's the ultimate compliment, the ultimate show of love for me. I'm sad and lonely and consumed with what he'll say after 2 months. Should I make a preemptive strike and just break it off not. He's a good, good man - good in bed, too. He's whiny though and I feel like a stronger person.
2007-10-18 05:47:16 · 9 answers · asked by LOVEISTHEANSWER 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
BTW - I''m divorced from my child's father. My daughter isn't the child of the guy I've been dating. Also, my bfriend never talked much about my daughter when mentioning the future. I'm sure that was a sign, too. You all are so kind and so smart. Thanks for your time! -Tes.
2007-10-18 07:59:50 · update #1
It seems harder to let go of someone the older we get, probably because it's harder to find someone else. I think the counselor was a good idea. If there is any hope for your relationship, that is where it lies. Taking some time off is a good thing. It will let him know if he really misses you or not. Be strong. Let him work to get you back. Let him think you are ready to move on. He needs to think you won't roll over and take him back so easily. (men love confident, independent women!) Men need to chase a woman to truly appreciate her...let him chase! Don't let him get you back easily...the harder he works, the more he will appreciate having you. If you get back together, make him come see you instead of you packing up to come see him. Be unavailable sometimes. Get some relationship books and work on yourself in the 2 months you have apart. Find a way to be happy with or without him. Make him think you are too busy to even be thinking about taking him back right now...and be busy...get out with friends, join a gym or some classes...if you are in church, get more involved...stay busy! You can do this! Whether you get back together with him or not...God brings all people in our lives for a reason, some are for keeps, others we just learn from. Have faith that good things are in store for you, whether he is part of your future or not.
2007-10-18 06:10:18 · answer #1 · answered by D C 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I really don't want to be disrespectful to you, but I'm only 20 and even I can see that 6 years is a waste if a man cannot commit. You need someone who loves you and your child, someone who wants to eliminate your stress instead of adding to you. You know what the right answer it, you just need support.
Well I support you, friend. I know how it feels to experience the loss of someone you truly love and have a child with... But you heal sweetie. And the healing is so sweet that it brings a brighter future for yourself and your child. Your clock isn't ticking that fast and your time hasn't run out. Allow yourself to find happiness... don't settle! Your worth is great.
2007-10-18 12:58:57 · answer #2 · answered by Kristen 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow, well to be honest with you im somewhat like your man. I've lived with my girl for a year and we have twin girls arriving next month. She's 3 years older then me, and yeah she is spoiled and likes to get things HER way. As for your man, he's not gonna marry you if you keep on being the stronger person. Guys don't like feeling less of a man. Ultimatums are the worst idea's in relationships. Being forced weakens a man's spirit. The main reason why he doesn't wanna marry you is because he's looking for you to mess up really bad. He knows you're the stronger person and he's just waiting for the last straw to break the camels back. He doesn't wanna marry you and as soon as your married for him to have regrets. You should just let him do what he wants to do... give him encouragement and empower him some. He should be the one to WANT to marry you. By living with you.... he knows what you're like, try to show him a different side he's never seen before. I guess im kinda whiny too but my girl is pregnant... soon as the babies come... im hoping her attitude and the way she treats me gets better. So he's wanting things to get better too. What you are doing is putting pressure and pushing eachother away with demands. Get together and just talk it out and truly appreciate each other. Things will get better if you allow them to.
2007-10-18 13:08:13 · answer #3 · answered by R. J 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Dr. Phil always says never make ultimatums or something to like that. He also says to not wait around for someone to give you what you want. If he is not willing to meet you where you are, then you need to move on. If you are available at a time when he is willing to meet you where you are then that will be the time. It's not an easy thing to do. That is what Dr. Phil says.
2007-10-18 12:56:42 · answer #4 · answered by Solomon Grundy 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
maybe hes not done playing thats why he wont commit,and in that case your better off calling it quits.you dont want your child to get use to this man if he aint in it for the long hall,you need to let him know your not a child playing games ,and no you wont be just a booty call
2007-10-18 12:54:51 · answer #5 · answered by payasa 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Has he said why he doesn't want to get married? Those marriage ceremonies are expensive and terribly painful for guys. Maybe work out a compromise where you both get what you want, or at least try and resolve whatever reason he has for not wanting to get married?
2007-10-18 12:52:05 · answer #6 · answered by Steve C 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No time is ever wasted- every experience is a learning one. You have to do what your heart says, not what we say. You also have to be a good example for your child- they should come first- Good luck...
2007-10-18 12:50:48 · answer #7 · answered by twons517 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should focus on your 12 year old child.
2007-10-18 12:54:29 · answer #8 · answered by Patito 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
This man is not planning to marry you. You can continue to waste your time with him, if you choose to; but don't expect to hear wedding bells.
2007-10-18 12:52:55 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋