We have been dating for four months and I can't help but be disappointed. Should I end the relationship?
2007-10-18 05:22:49 · 27 answers · asked by Peacenik 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
We are both in our 40s. We have both been married before. I asked him about it and he said that his marriage was really bad and basically everyone he knows has bad marriages and why should a piece of paper hold two people together.
He kind of freaked out about it only being 4 months into the relationship. Its been kind of weird since then!
2007-10-18 05:33:21 · update #1
In an out of context way....
Doesn't that make you wonder why is he thinking about marriage to begin with?
"Me thinks thou doth protest too much" is a quote that comes to mind or maybe he just wants to slow you down.
That comment is the kind of thing to leave him over after you feel you should be to the stage of your relationship for it to progress in that direction but not now.
So it's a good thing your not up to that yet! I bet the answer of "Me too" would have him popping the question though LOL!
2007-10-18 05:35:10 · answer #1 · answered by bountifiles 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've only been dating 4 months... When you're relationship hits a serious level and you're both walking in different matrimonial directions, it will become a problem. As for now, I wouldn't break up with a man for not wanting to get married... after a 4 month relationship...
I know what you're thinking "I'm not saying let's get married now. I'm saying that he doesn't want to get married at all." but I don't think that's what he's saying. I think it's a test to see if you're the pushy/clingy type that will try and talk him into the idea of marriage or not. A man wants to spend his life with someone he can't live without, and any man can live without a woman that clutches onto him for fear of losing him. I'd play it cool and see if your relationship strengthens into the marrying scenario. If it does, he'll be ready, and if it doesn't you'll move on. But getting nervous and pushing the issue will only drive him away.
2007-10-18 05:29:27 · answer #2 · answered by Kristen 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tricky question. Its too soon to ask him for clarification on what he said cause that could scare him off. At the same time, you dont want to waste your time with someone when theres no future. My advice dont ask him about it, it really is too soon to bring up marriage and all that stuff. Everyone changes constantly. I said up until I was 22 that I would never get married. Now I cant wait for it! Stay with him, have fun, and feel him out again in a couple more months when you have more of a secure foundation to ask about it. Then you will be able to decide if hes a waste of time! Good Luck!
2007-10-18 05:26:43 · answer #3 · answered by Susan F 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It depends on your age etc. If you're in high school, he may change his mind. If you're in your 30s he's probably sure about it.
Four months is also a very short time to be dating. He may decide that he does want to get married down the road, or you may decide that being with him is more important than a piece of paper that says "Mrs".
Unless you HAVE to get married and he for sure won't, don't end a blossoming relationship over an off hand comment.
2007-10-18 05:26:15 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Ask him if he's serious about what he said. He may have very valid reasons for never wanting to get married. He may not.
I can then assume that you do want to get married someday. Explain how you feel, you may have very valid reasons for wanting to get married. You may not.
But it depends on how old you two are, perhaps he's seen friends and family members in unstable unhealthy marriages and doesn't want that to happen to him. That is a very valid concern, marriage isn't for everyone.
Above all, evaluate how important marriage is to both your lives, and be sure to understand WHY you and he feel this way. Could you ever be happy in life if you never got married? Could he ever be happy in life if he did get married.
If not, do yourselves a favor and end the relationship before you take your disappointment (which is YOUR problem, not HIS) out on a person whose goals are incompatible with yours.
2007-10-18 05:27:09 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've only been dating for 4 months?? Give the guy some air if you're talking about marriage already! Guys are going to be afraid of marriage, that's just them. But, when he knows he's ready he'll take the plunge, he will. It just might take a few years. Be patient, it's way too early in the relationship to worry about it!
2007-10-18 05:27:57 · answer #6 · answered by WiccaWoman 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is common. If you're dissappointed about this after only 4 mos of being with him, then that's your problem. But if you KNOW your goal is to get married, don't try to change him, just move on. But it does happen often. Either he's just being a guy and not realizing how this will affect you or means it now...but this changes. Also, his age is a great implicator. Try not to take too many things like this serious, but do be aware, not everyone wants what you do.
2007-10-18 05:27:41 · answer #7 · answered by karamell08 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How old are you? Lots of guys say that when they are young, as the idea of settling down is a terrifying one. Other men say that because they are opposed to the institutional idea of marriage, or all the fuss/stress it causes. Don't write it off yet, and don't pursue the matter until it is of more crucial importance. Concentrate on making him fall even more madly in love with you instead, so then he feels he has no choice but to pop the question!
2007-10-18 05:29:16 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats just a phrase sometimes used by fustrations about a relationship...thus avoiding the commitment that it brings......men are really insecure people...no matter the age or who they are......with age it goes away alot faster and with the right love and compassion it can be overcome in a marriage.....but there will always be the what if question...and alot more of it...if the relationship is going anywhere......but it takes two.....and in agreement....not a onesided affair !!!
2007-10-18 05:27:34 · answer #9 · answered by hghostinme 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well No, especially if you've just been dating for mos. There are several things that should come into play here. Age, position in life (i.e. college student, young adult). Unless you're ready to be married right now, then dont' worry about it. It could be that he's not ready to get married RIGHT NOW!
You may be the girl of his dreams and get him on bended knee! Just discuss your future plans and goals with him and see what he has in his future and if your plans are very very different with no chance of coming together, then it's time to move on!
2007-10-18 05:27:32 · answer #10 · answered by Kima 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋