My so called bf is very attached to his family and has no time for me. Continued.?

Question

He is 19 and i am 21. He has got a large family and is very close to his parents. More like the spoilt brat, he gets all the attention, love and care from his family. He is a so called 'momma boy'.
I on the other hand have a completely different background. Mom died when i was 10. Dad never interested in sharing, caring or loving. I have always been ignored. Got no relatives. I have a brother who is 14. Most of time i am alone and feel the need of someone. My so called bf on the other hand is busy with his large family and has almost no time for me. I am the least prority for him specially when it comes to his family.
I have had a bad childhood and am very susceptible to depression. I miss having a nice family and feel very alone.
I am very lonely. Pls tell me if this relationship can be worked upon? Do i need to spend my time in this relationship? Should i find someone like me who doesnt have a big family and can understand me?
Pls help me with your opnions. I am distressed.
12 minutes ago - 3 days left to answer.
Additional Details
2 minutes ago

His family isnt fond of me. His mother is very jealpus and possessive. I never met them.

Answer 1

if you are not received by his family that he is close to you might never be move on trust me ~~~my ex his parents tried to break us up over and over again before during and then they finally got there way after 20 years of marriage and two kids they still did not like me much but they some what put up with me to my face then be hind my back was always pressing my ex to leave me or (why did you marry her etc etc) no one was good enough for there son but I can tell you he was not good enough for me ( he treat me like crap sometimes maybe he was trying to get me to leave him in his subconscious mind) because of the presser form his parents
but they always hurt my feelings and made me feel bad and him too it was doomed from the start I just should have known that but you know hind sight is 20/20 save your self grief honey find a man that will love you and want to take you home to momma and if they don't like you there loss and he and you should leave them out of your life or they might some day come around when you have kids of your own etc!

Answer 2

My guess is that you don't have a clue what a normal family is like. Nothing in your discription tells me there is anything wrong with his behavior other than your overwhelming insecurity, resentment and bitterness. Being abandoned by a parent who dies and a father who emotionally neglects explains the why of your behavior but not why you haven't done anything about it.

You cannot control anyone else, only yourself. You will need to get the love and nurturing you lost when your mother died from yourself, no one can give it to you. If you haven't had counseling, get it. If you are in counseling, then you need to be more open about your pain and if the counselor isn't being more effective than this, change counselors.

Your b/f isn't a mama's boy or is his mother jealous and possessive. He is 19, and being active in a loving family is normal. His mother most likely understands that you are not healthy for her son. That's her job and her right. The fact that you haven't met any of them and you are so angry and bitter towards them says it all.

You got a rough shake. You aren't the first and you won't be the last. Alot of us with two parents don't get parents who give a damn about us and couldn't parent their way out of a paper bag. You aren't just susceptable to depression, you ARE depressed and wallowing around in a victim mode that just spells misery and pain for you and anyone you are involved with.

Break up with this young man and don't get involved in another relationship until you are healthier. You will have to learn to "mother" yourself, and build a support system. Start with mental health counseling and get involved with a meditative physical activity such as yoga or Tai Chi.

You can live like this if you want to. But there is so much more to life than to sink into the abyss of self pity and depression. People will care about you, honey, if you learn to care about yourself. I'm sorry your mom went off and died and left you lost and alone. That's a terrible thing to have happen, I know, my father died when I was little and nothing was ever the same again.

Life will through some awful stuff at you and if you don't learn to help yourself and be stronger, you will eat yourself alive. I wish the best for you.

Answer 3

Hi hon...

why are you torturing yourself like this? if you don't spend an adequate amount of time with your boyfriend, feel unloved and uncared for, then maybe it's time to consider your options. You don't seem happy, so why continue? You have a lot to think about.

I'm sorry to hear you lost your mom and didn't have a very good family life. Lonliness isn't fun either.

I have been a lonely person during my life, too, but now i've changed things. It's not that i have a lot of friends, or even a boyfriend right now, but i am TAKING CARE OF ME! I do things which i enjoy-- i am an artist so i paint a lot. I sell things on ebay, i enjoy my pets. I like to get outside, and enjoy nice weather. I make greeting cards sometimes, and took a couple of art classes this year.

We can't sit around waiting for someone else to come along to fulfill our needs or "make us happy". Our happiness comes from the inside, and learning to be content inside ourselves.

Of course, it's nice to socialize, too. What about making an effort to spend time with girlfriends? Go to lunch, or window shopping... get out and enjoy yourself. Maybe go to a casino (you don't even have to spend much money) -- just find things to do.

Join a gym, take a class... you will definitely meet people this way.

If you dont know where to turn, or what to do, and feel depressed, consider counseling. Good coping skills and more positive ways to think about our lives can be learned, and practiced. You can let a therapist know that these are some of your goals, if you'd opt for therapy some day.

It's not healthy to sit around waiting by the telephone for this guy. Take care of YOU... you are special and you deserve good things! hugs

Answer 4

I understand what you are saying my wife never had a family and was raised in a foster home. She grew up poor and isolated from others. I grew up in a loving family and that was what attracted her to me she said.
My mother was blown away when she grabbed her and hugged her for the first time saying finally I have a mother.
then she grabbed my dad and hugged and kissed him.
Now they like her better than me.
She always remembers to call them, she takes my mom shopping with her and has them over for dinner at least once a week. Family is important to her and she couldn't have children broke her heart. So we adopted and now have two girls we dearly love and she has the family we always wanted.
My mom accepts those grand children as if they were are biologically children. So those poor kids who never had anyone in their life now has a wonderful loving family.
I believe that if you get over this: He is a mama's boy attitude and let yourself love his family you can be happy.
Some people will never be happy because they look at the negative side of life. She could have grieved all her life over what she didn't have. But she didn't she made the best of what she did have. That is why I love her so much.
She is so positive about things. work on your own feelings.
You will never be happy with anyone until you work on you.
Your attitude is what is making you sad not his.
Maybe his relatives sense you don't like them?
Go give them a hug and kiss and scare the life into them.

Answer 5

If you've never met the family, how do you know Mom hates you? Try giving the family a fair shot. You haven't had the chance in your life to be around a true family. Try not to be too clingy on your boy friend. You might just find out that this is the best thing that could have ever happened to you. Good luck.

Answer 6

His family probably doesn't like you because they may feel the resentment and the jealousy you have - I certainly picked that out after reading a few lines.

Instead of resentment and jealousy why can't you be pleased for your boyfriend for having a family that loves him very much?

If these are the things you need within your life then you're going to be the one having to make all the changes.

Have you tried discussing these problems with your boyfriend? Have you tried counselling?

Unfortunately it isn't your boyfriend with the problem nor his family but yourself. This is, I know, will be difficult to accept but until you do you will forever have this resentment and this will continue in this relationship or the next....that is until you stumble into a relationship with someone who's experiences are similar to your own, would you really like that to happen?

Answer 7

I think you are lucky to have a boyfriend that is so close with his family. It sounds like the problem here isnt that hes not spending time with you, its that hes not including you in his time spent with his family. Talk to him and tell him you want to be included in some dinners, or family events. If you havent met them yet there is no reason for his mother not be fond of you. She might just need to see that you really want to be a part of her sons life. Theres no reason why it has to be you vs. them. You can do things together, and on the plus side, get some of that family bonding you never had a chance to have. good luck!

Answer 8

If you care about him a lot, then finding somebody else with the same background as you isn't necessary. If you haven't already told him your feelings [like you want more attention because you feel low on the totem pole], then maybe spend time with his family also. It would prove to him that you care about him, and then maybe he would do more things that you want to do. If you spent some time with his family, then maybe they would get to know you and become more fond of you.

But on the other hand, if you tell him how you feel, and are putting 110% into the relationship, and you're still not getting anything back...then yes, I would find somebody else. Not necessarily with the same background, just one that would give you the attention you feel you want and deserve.

Good luck=]

Answer 9

Hmm thats sounds very bad. and I know how you fell. In my opinion.. I would leave him.. "well i am guy so I would leave her" anyway.. if he doesnt have time for you .. then why you should be with him . If you got a BF.. or GF.. you shoud have time for the person who you with, thats got to be all time.. if he is like that like you saying .. than its mean you are like single and you got friend which is visiting you.. that's all.. if you cant have the love from him , and the rest.. no resoason to be with him.. Find somone else. that will care about you ..
And if I can say.. I got family as well as other people.. and I am making to be with the person who i love.. no madder what.. If i love her.. I will be with her...

Well hope that help.. "its in my opinion " Good luck

Answer 10

You don't seem to like him at all, so that's why I think there's no real relaitonship here.

You don't need to "find someone like you" -- in fact, a person can survive without a bf; nor does the person's boy/girl friend have to have come from the same situation.

But it is customary that they both like each other, which doesn't seem to be the case here.

When you're grown up a bit, maybe you'll be ready for a relationship; but you dont' sould like it now.