what should i do?

Question

i had a niece who had a sexual change completely to a male and now him and his girlfriend are getting married. this is something i dont approve how do i handle not going to a shower and a big wedding without causing grief to my family most of all his mother, she is my sister

Answer 1

Its a simple choice... do you suck it up and go...or do you stand true to your beliefs, even though it won't make a bit of difference in the decisions that anyone makes. I suggest you go and support your family, regardless of your beliefs. You sister didn't do anything to you... if it will hurt her to see you not go, then just go and celebrate with everyone for a day.

Answer 2

What will cause more grief... you not showing up at all or going and being a sourpuss during the entire thing? I'm sure the family already is well aware of your disapproval.

Everyone has the right to make choices that are right for them. Doesn't mean you have to agree with them. It may be awkward and difficult to handle, but that's your issue, not theirs or your sister's. What's done is done, so why not get past it? The wedding is for the bride and groom. It's not all about you.

If you don't feel you can support this couple, then simply don't go. It would be better for you not to attend then to spread your disapproval at the events. Keep in mind that you may be burning a bridge that cannot later be repaired.

Answer 3

This issue is with you unfortunately, not your neice. And you will cause grief to your sister whether you intend to or not. Your sister is being supportive of her child, and for you to not do the same is not going to be easy for her. Your not attending will probably be very hard for the family to deal with as a whole rather than just the individuls.

My suggestion is go-you dont have to approve, but be there for your sister if not for your neice. Your sister will probably need your support. Show your sister that despite what her child did (that you disprove of) you still love and want to support her. If you were invited because your neice wants you there then you should accept, not stay home becaue you don't like what they have done and are doing.

Sorry I can't offer advice for your actual question, because I feel there isn't a way to avoid grief and the hurt you sister will feel. Good luck!

Answer 4

You should either support them, or not go at all. Why would you want to cause something at a shower or wedding? Sounds a bit like my family at times. Did you love your niece before the sex change? Your feelings for him should not change- you may not agree with everything everyone does, but why cause a big scene? This was his decision, not yours. This is something that must make him happy.... so let it be and be happy for him- family is supposed to be supportive and loving.

Answer 5

If he were born with two full sets of sexual organs and the doctors had to choose which one to remove to make him a boy or a girl people wouldn't have a such a huge problem with it. The thing that most people don't realize is that there are many shades of gray in between a full hermaphrodite and a full person of either gender.

If you are going to be less than happy for them stay home.

If you want to grow as an individual research is a fabulous thing! Or perhaps you could approach him and just tell him that you want to be happy for him but you don't know how to be when this goes against everything you were taught. Ask him to help you understand.

Answer 6

I think you need to take the high road here and attend the shower and wedding gracefully and quietly. You will hurt your sister deeply if you don't, as well as other family members, and it will not be easy to fix a break like that. You will come off looking like the difficult one. This is not the time to make an issue of your own beliefs.

Best wishes.

Answer 7

"how do i handle not going to a shower and a big wedding without causing grief to my family"

You don't. So make a choice, your ideals, or your family. Can't have both, evidently.

Answer 8

After everything that He has been through...
You need to read about transexuals because I don't think you have realised the sheer hell he's been through mentally and physically. And now he has invited you to share in the biggest day of his life and you don't approve?
Stupide question, but why has this caused so much grief to your family? Social embarrassment?

Answer 9

Did you get along with your niece before the sex change? Because he is still the same person you knew and loved before just in a new and improved body.

If you can't turn to family for love and support then who can you turn to? And you may very well regret not seeing your nephew marry his GF and missing out on the celebration. This is after all- not about you. It's about celebrating two lives who are making a commitment to each other.

Don't be silly. Shame on you!

Answer 10

You don't approve of his sex change or you don't approve of him marrying his girlfriend?
If someone from your family doesn't feel comfortable in their own body and chose to do something that is 'frowned' upon in society, then don't you think you should at least be supportive in their decision? You never had to live their life, you never felt how they felt so why would you want to hurt them by not going to their wedding? What will it prove? That you put your own selfish judgments first before your family member?
Do what you feel is right for you. If you won't feel comfortable at the wedding, tell them. But expect a backlash from this.