So me and my boyfriend have been living together for 2 years, he is currently building a house for us. I thought we were at that stage where he would ask me to marry him soon. Last night her told me that a friend of ours is going to propose to his girlfriend (they are the only friends of ours other than us who are not engaged or married) I found myself not be happy for them but angry and jealous. I just thought it would be my turn next, and I'm starting to feel like he is never going to propose to me. We talk about it from time to time and he says he does want to marry me. I dont want to pressure him by bringing it up but how do I stop being angry about this and jealous?
2007-10-18 03:23:11 · 22 answers · asked by Stacy! 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I do love my boyfriend more than anything and i know he is the one im supposed to be with forever...we have talked about it before but he wont give me a timeline he says he dosent want me to know when it is coming so i dont know if this is a short term or long term, i know he loves me more than anything and its not "he got the cow for free" thing we have a great relationship, im so lucky to have him, He is 27 and i am 23 for those who were wonderign
2007-10-18 03:54:36 · update #1
We arent breaking up and we dont ever fight, i can count on 1 hand how many fights we have ever been in, i wish everyone could feel the kind of love between us. i dont want to push him and i jsut wanted to know how i cope with this feeling of jealousy i dont want to feel like this
2007-10-18 03:59:26 · update #2
You just need to wait. Seriously, just think, at least you guys have talked about getting married, and he wants to do it - so at least you know it's going to happen eventually.
2007-10-24 00:11:10 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
He is building a house for both of you, that sounds pretty serious. You have only been together for 2 years. It seems that the green monster of jealously has taken you by storm. Enjoy your friends' engagement (if they do get engaged) and be happy for them. You eventually will take that walk as well.
Last thing you want to do is force the issue. Some guys need a kick in the pants and some guys when you push them will RUN. I hope your guy won't be the last type.
One thing you never mentioned is if either of you love each other or are in love with the other person.
Sounds to me like you are in love with the idea of getting married.
Marriage is a life long commitment, and it is not "happily ever after". there will be fights, there will be compromises, hard feelings, and plenty of good times.
I've been married a year and a half. I waited for the right guy and also thought sheesh when will it be my turn. (I'm 40 by the way) Best thing for any relationship is communication, talk to your man, don't accuse or lay blame. Say honey I care/love/ you and, I would like to spend the rest of my life with you, handsome. Just be lighthearted about it, then drop it for a while.
Enjoy your boyfriend and the house he is building and your friends' engagement. If it is right with this guy, then it will happen.
2007-10-18 10:44:31 · answer #2 · answered by Muse 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I was in the same position, now finally married. Patience is good yes, but on the other hand there is nothing wrong with talking to him about marriage, like when he told you about his friend going to propose its a good time to ask "what do you think about that?" My husband used to get a little squirmy when I talked about it with him so I stopped but if he is building a house with you and you've been living together for a while, (and I dont know how old you are) but maybe you should bring it up and see if he wants to be married. This would be the time to let him know where you stand on it, doesn't have to be pressure at all, then at least you will feel better getting it off your chest.
The other side of things if he is building a house there might be a good chance that he might not be financially where he wants to be to get married. Regardless it sounds like you have a great boyfriend who does want a future with you. And if all your friends are all married, when you get engaged they are going to be jealous of you because they are going to wish they got to have their wedding again!!!!
2007-10-18 10:39:57 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Be patient. Seriously. That's really the best advice I can give. Two years in the grand scheme of things is not a whole lot of time, although you have been living together. You don't specify how long you've been a couple though.
Now is the time to truly communicate with him. Don't just pace back and forth or get jealous at others. Sit him down and have a serious, adult conversation with him. If you want it, you're going to have to act like a big girl and speak with him as an equal, not as a whiny, emotional, jealous person who's begging for an engagement.
In the end, decide if a big engagement is important or if the marriage itself is important. If you choose engagement, you're simply not ready for marriage.
2007-10-18 10:32:52 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Honey, I can completely understand where you're coming from on this issue because, up until a few weeks ago, I felt the same way with my boyfriend.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year 1/2 and have been living together for just under the same amount of time. We're planning on buying a house once our lease is up at our apartment in May and our 2-year-anniversary is in February. I thought for sure I'd be planning a wedding within the next year or two..... Until he told me he'd rather wait until I graduate from college and get my career set up. I'll be graduating within the next 3 or 4 years because I go part-time due to having a full-time job. We make much more than the average couple our ages (I'm 21, he's 23) and are actually pretty mature.
Although it'll suck having to wait that long before I get to hear my own wedding bells, especially since we know at least 3 couples who either are already married or planning on getting married within the year, I know that waiting will be better for us in the long run. We're now on the same page with fewer frustrations, and him giving me some kind of a time line actually gave me a little more motivation and inspiration for getting through school! All you need is some motivation and inspiration. Sit your boyfriend down and calmly talk to him about your concerns. Ask him where he sees himself in 5-10 years. Whether or not he has concerns of his own (my boyfriend's concern was that he thought I was putting him before my education; I wasn't, of course, but that's how he felt). Make sure the two of you are on the same page. If you're a few pages ahead of him, do a little re-reading =D
Good luck!
EDIT: After reading a couple of other responses I just wanted to say, don't listen to all of the "Why buy the cow when he can get the milk for free?" answers. YOU are the one in the relationship and it's great that the two of you are able to share the kind of love you have. Just because a couple lives together before marriage, does not mean the guy is just trying to get the milk for free.
2007-10-18 10:48:03 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
Just be patient......it sounds like it is coming. I understand exactly how you feel because I have been in the same situation. You could try just being honest, and tell him how you are feeling. dont pressure him, just let him know that you are hurting and feeling angry and jealous. At least then he will know what is upsetting you if you are feeling down.
He will get to it. He probably wants to finish the house first. Also maybe he is saving for a beautiful ring. Sounds to me like he is committed, he just wants to suprise you, and for it to come out of the blue.
Grrr to anyone who used the stupid "Why buy the cow when he is getting the milk for free" That is crap. We do not live in a black and white world. Yes that may be true in many cases but not in this one......
2007-10-18 18:43:17 · answer #6 · answered by bluegirl6 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Aww, I know exactly how you feel. Before I was engaged everyone of our friends seemed to be getting engaged and he and I had been together for almost four years. I knew I shouldn't feel jealous but I couldn't help it so I just hid it. He ended up buying a house for us and surprised me with a cruise and proposed the very first night. I was very glad that the decision was his and I didn't nag him into making the choice. I'd say wait it out because it may be around the corner. My fiance told me he wanted to get me a house first and then propose...I guess they have to feel they can support you first. Best wishes on your happiness!
2007-10-18 14:19:19 · answer #7 · answered by TgrLilian 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't agree with living together before marriage for the reasons you stated above. I think after a year a guy should have a good idea if he wants to get married. Many woman make it too comfortable and too easy for men these days with having sex and living together with out the commitment of engagement. A Man should earn things not be giving things easy or for free. If you feel like he is not going to propose leave him you deserve better than I maybe 1000 years down the road we will marry. A man who wont commit before marriage most likely will not commit after marriage.
Don't stay with someone who doesn't treat you as a priority but treats you like an option like I said before You deserve better than that.
2007-10-18 15:45:12 · answer #8 · answered by encourager4God 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
You shouldn't be jealous, after all you are together only 2 years. You are only 23 why do you want to get married so soon? You will be married for the rest of your life. Just relax and enjoy your great relationship. Proposal will come eventually.
2007-10-18 11:16:17 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
I'm sure he loves you very much but 2 years isn't that long really. I have been with/living with my boyfriend for 6.5 years and still no proposal! Just wait, you are still young! Putting the pressure on doesn't help, it will have the reverse effect!
2007-10-26 07:15:18 · answer #10 · answered by Susy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really want to get married, why not propose to him? This isn't the days where women are such low pieces of dirt that they need to sit around and wait for men. Don't pressure him, just ask him! I asked my fiance. He agreed marriage was something we should do in the future and then we decided to take 6 months to really think about it and then announce it. We had been living together for a year at that point.
I don't get it. If marriage is about communication and woman deserve respect, why keep this to yourself?
2007-10-18 10:44:39 · answer #11 · answered by some female 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋