I have written a not-so-nice- letter to my oldest daughter, who moved out and left on bad terms with us.?

Question

I am now a born-again Wiccan, should I hold a ritual and burn it or should I mail it? It is pretty nasty,by that, I mean, harshly written, but, unfortunatly, all of the content is true. Ever minding the Rule Of Three, i am wondering. her bf also hurled death threats at us and after i had calmed down, I had written the letter. tha t was b4 i had decided to go back into Wicca, and b4 I read the3fold Rule.

my two younger children are very hurt and feel very betrayed by their sister, and she had told my hubby, her step-dad, that he was not her father and he couldnt advise her on that to do. This hurt my hubby very much as he married me knowing I had a 7 yr. old kid. And he raised her as his own, plunking down nearly 1,000.00 for a laptop for her so she could do her homework on it and surf the net. Then she goes and says that!! We are all hurt by this and since she left, we have noticed a huge difference in the fact there is virtually NO tension in our home when b4, there was alot of it, generated by her. We, her parents, are glad she is gone,but my other two, aged,4 and 10, miss her and are hurt she would treat them that way and choose the bf, who is waaay older than her, ( 17 years older, BTW) over her family. what to do??

I need to clarify, I left Wicca, then came back, by that I meant born- again, or maybe I should say " rededicated" . better?

Answer 1

Angry words cannot be taken back. I would advise against mailing the letter. If you look to the future, would you like your daughter to be part of the family again? You should allow emotions to cool down. Your daughter may or may not make an attempt to contact you or her younger siblings. Similar events occurred in my family. It is very hurtful to have your daughter turn her back on all of you for a man but it has happened. Deal with the ouch, understand her feelings for him are out of control for some reason. Hope that the damage can some day be repaired. My youngest sister did something very like this & we weren't a part of her life for several years. Slowly she reached out to us & there was no way we could turn our backs on her because we already knew how much that hurt. I was her honor attendant at her wedding & am godmother to her son, my nephew. As far as we are concerned those mistakes are in the past where they will remain. What matters is the now. Some day, these things will remain in the past for you & your family too. I can only hope for you, your daughter will be a part of your family when that time comes. Peace

Answer 2

Burn the letter. Those words were said in a moment of anger and you can never take those back. I understand how the whole atmosphere can change when someone leaves. I get along so much better with my parents now that we live in seperate places. The best thing you can do is to let her know that you still love her and that she will always has a place to come back to even if just for a visit. Have your other daughters right her letters or send her cards. I remember the thing that softened my heart so much was when my little sister sent me a Christmas card. She is still young, but believe me she will hate it even more when you say that she is young and doesn't know everything, I know I hated it, but it is true, and sometimes the truth hurts.

Answer 3

What the hell is a "born again Wiccan"?

I'll disregard the references to the rule of 3 and the rede, as I don't subscribe to either. I don't see that your religion has anything to do with this situation. It might be helpful to you to release your anger by burning the letter in a ritual. Writing it was probably cathartic to you, and now you can let it go and with it your anger. If your daughter is an adult, you can't do much about any of this. She's free to run off with an older man and reject her family. It's not nice, but you can't stop her. What you can do is refuse to give her any financial help when she comes crawling back (unless she's truly sorry), or to have anything to do with her. If she's that mean to the younger children, keep them away from her. I guess I would just tell them that she is very angry about life right now and that's why she said mean things to them. Try to put her out of your mind and get your kids focused on how much you love them.. positive things.

Answer 4

I'm sorry, but what the heck is a "born-again Wiccan"? That makes no sense at all. So are you saying non "born-again Wiccans" aren't real Wiccans? Because that's the implication of the term in Christianity, where it originates. I would strongly suggest not attributed random terms to yourself, because people are going to get the wrong impression of you.

I think you need to seriously ground yourself. The comments in your post quite frankly disturb me. Your hubby has haised your daughter since she was seven...surely he's done bigger things for her than buy her a computer. So why stress that? And why think that the purchase of a computer would somehow guarantee her good behavior?

As for her stressing that your husband is not her father...well...he isn't. So you're mad at her for commenting on the truth? Maybe it was rude, but it's still also the truth. (has it ever occurred to you to address possible issues she may have about not having her biological father in her life?) And if she's over the age of 18 she doesn't _have_ to listen to either of you (and if she's under 18 you should be reporting her as a runaway, not writing nasty notes).

And perhaps most disturbing of all...you want advice about what to do with the note. The note???? Oh yes, threefold rule and all. You're concerned if you're going to get a karmic kick in the butt...and apparently that's your main motivation.

Here's the short, sweet lesson on karma: it is the consequence of your actions. The fact that your daughter walked out is absolutely the consequence of previous actions...some of them quite possibly hers, but some of them also assuredly yours. I think you need to rethink your priorities and address what's really important and fix what can be fixed.

Answer 5

Is that a Wiccan thing or just you?
We all go through the same troubles and growing pains.
A ritual won't fix it.
If you think for a moment that will work then you are trying to be a controller and that in itself is vindictive.
I did the exact same thing to my stepfather. He is not her real father but it depends on how he handled it. Mine couldn't.
People do threaten violence occasionally but it only escalates if you retaliate.
Let some time pass and then talk to your daughter and get her side. Listening goes a long way.
The Wiccan thing just doesn't work. Being a proper and forgiving parent does.

Answer 6

That.replaced into.Hilarious. I particularly enjoyed how the daughter wrote down in simple terms about all those fairly terrible (or maybe unlawful) issues in one in each and every of those nonchalant way! while uncertain, i think of that this could be a potential that any student ought to apply while proposing their mothers and dads with their report card- while it relatively is undesirable, besides (otherwise i does no longer propose which you're taking the prospect of giving them a coronary heart-attack). magnificent one!! :)

Answer 7

Oh, for crying out loud. Burn the letter. By your own admission, it is nasty. It will only increase the bad blood between you and your daughter.

Burn the letter. Whether you interact with her or not is another thing, but let's not make it worse, shall we? Be the adult and just burn the letter.

Answer 8

I wouldn't send it. She would keep it and let it eat at her forever. She is not an adult. One day she will be. Let her find her way. Enjoy the peace in your household and don't take things she said to heart. She's in love. Blind with love. At 17 she doesn't know what she wants and one day that relationship will be over. If you alienate her now, she will never forgive you. Let her go and she will come back. Send her off with bad feelings and she might never return.

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AD

Answer 9

Burn it..:You can never take those words back if you mail them. You may have the truth..but truth will never take the place of a daughter. FORGIVE!
Your additional details change nothing...FORGIVE... We all hurt each other. I hurt my mother. I am sure everyone here has. I thank God that she FORGAVE me..

Answer 10

what would sending it achieve.

a mothers love should be unconditional.
after all, you've had the most influence in her life also.
whether you realise it or not.
being a parent is a powerful thing.