Should I marry him?

Question

I AM ENGAGED AND WE ARE PLANNING TO WED FIRST OF THE YEAR .WE HAD SOME BUMPY TIMES IN OUR RELATIONSHIP AND HAVE RECOVERED FROM ALL OF THEM BUT I JUST FOUND OUT THIS MORNING THAT HE HAS BEEN TALKING TO WOMEN ON A TELEPHONE CHATLINE AND LYING ABOUT IT. I CONFRONTED HIM AND HE SAID HE DOESN'T CARE IF I AM MAD BECAUSE HE DOESN'T FEEL LIKE HE DID ANYTHING WRONG. WHAT SHOULD I DO?

Answer 1

NO. Do not marry this man. Yes you've worked out problems in the past but he's showing you what kind of a husband he'd be. He doesn't think there is any problem with talking to other women, lying to you about it and he just told you that he doesn't care about how you feel. Is this really the type of man you want to marry? Is this the type of role model you want for your future son to see? Or for your future daughter to see how a woman should be treated by a man?

End your engagement. It is better to be single for now than married to man who cheats, lies, is disrespectful to you and does not honor his relationship with you. Leave him.

Answer 2

There are things to recover from and things to run away from. Lying for me is a big no!! There are 3 problems I see here. One he is speaking with other women behind your back. 2 he lied. 3 even if he does not feel that he has done nothing wrong he should care but he does not.
If you feel that you can handle all that then yes by all means get married. If you feel that in the future you will find him having cybersex (another form of cheating) and you feel that you will not be able to handle that then you have your decision. It is your life and then will be your life together. If a person starts a life based on a lie then what kind of life do you think it will be? Marriage is a commitment but it is a commitment to honesty, chastity, and hope. If you agree then perhaps you should take a look at your future.

Answer 3

I hope you take the time to seriously consider the future of this relationship. If he is lying to you already, this does not sound good for the long term healthiness of your marriage. Look at it this way. If you decide to call off the wedding, you will have done yourself a favor. If you marry him (and he most likely will continue to lie within the marriage) you will have saddled yourself with this man and the resulting problems, heartache, mental anguish and divorce will be costly both emotionally and financially. If you get out now, there is little to tie yourself to him. It's going to hurt in the beginning, but in the long run you will be whole and free.

Answer 4

To be honest we are total strangers in here and we can not have a clear picture of your relationship. We are not the ones to tell you if you should marry him or not. This is a very significant issue of your life and you are the one that should be making this decision.
My only worry is that you are having second thoughts. Marriage is a serious thing, you should be 100% sure and happy to go throught with it. Take some time to think really seriously.

Answer 5

sweetie- I just wen tthrough this, but my boyfriend felt terrible. he was lying to you nad no matter what he justifies it with your ability to trust him has been damaged. if he's lying aobut this what else is he lying about and rationalizing away? if you've had problems in the past awer they about him lying too? if so you need to realize that hes basically telling you he doesn't hink its wrong to lie to you and that you need to stay out of his business. is that how you want your marriage to be set up?
the fact that you are havin problems trusting him is the important thing- not what he thinks his reasons or excuses are.
put the wedding planning on hold. think about what level of trust you should have in the person you marry. personally I'd tell him the unless he was willing to do premarrital counceling that you may need to put the wedding on hold.
don't follow through with the wedding on promise he'll change or on hopes that he'll changes, only proceed once you have prove that he's changed or when you can be fine with how he's acting...

Answer 6

I think you know what you need to do but are scared to do it. A man who chats before marraige will chat after marraige unless the woman was is sister or his mother you have every right to be concerened. Chats also lead to affairs. And he is lying to you Honey see the signs lying is not a good foundation for a marraige. Honestly I would break the engagement as it is obvoius he does not take it as serious as you do. You deserve far better than this. e4G

Answer 7

This is something that you really need to think about before you marry him. Perhaps taking with your pastor would benefit you both. Marriage is a huge committment and understanding that you want advice, I think you both would be better off to speak to the person who is going to marry you and he or she will be able to listen to you both and offer suggestions to improve your relationship. Hope this helps!

Answer 8

You're the only one who knows if you truly want to marry this man or not. All you can do is talk to him about it, let him know exactly how you feel, and hope he'll understand.

Also, I wanted to add that typing in all caps indicates shouting. Not to mention reading something in all caps is quite annoying and can hurt people's eyes (I almost went cross-eyed while I was reading!).

Answer 9

no...im sorry, its probably really hard but its better to leave him now and not get stuck in this relationship. if he really doesnt care care if youre mad, and he thinks this is ok, then why would you want to marry him? do you want to live the rest of your life like that? I am engaged too, and i can imagine how hard it would be if my fiance did thet, but you need to do what is best for yourself. be strong and good luck!

Answer 10

Marry him. I will tell you why:

1) You have been though alot together already. So he is shock tested.

2) What makes you think the next guy will be any different? We all want strange tail, some of us just hide that better than others.

3) What was he supposed to say when you confronted him? Trust me, he was just trying to do damage control. Like any other man would.

Congrats, you have yourself a verile, straight man. If you don't like what you see, maybe you should be looking for something different.

Focus on the important criteria: Is he committed to you? Is he a good lover? can he support you financially and emotionally if you are down?

Save the fairy tales for the kids.