My 15 year old going throught the teen stage & horried I am aware of teenage issues but OMG some one please help she so angry & seems to be more toward her Dad he cant control her & I am to protective & dont beleive in hitting children, I feel really bad for my Hubby as he stuck between me & her,
it is causing a hugh rift between us we have being together 16 year & have two other children a daughter 13 & son 3 (who it is affecting) Kellu is the oldest daughter causing hell in the house.
I am aware am not the 1st and wont be the last can some one please please advise on how to make these two see eye to eye & get some sort of calm in our house
My Husband has struggeled since the girls turmed around 11 he cant find away yo talk to them he just shouts.
I have suggested both go counsiling but both refuse & he hates being in room with his daughter and she hates him am stuck between them both
AGAIN ANY ADVISE PLEASE they are driving me up the wall and cant see any way out ..
2007-10-18 01:22:48 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
She will grow out of it, I used to be the same me and my dad used to fight like cat and dog because we were so alike in many ways mostly stubbourness. I know its not nice for your husband to go through, and i regret putting my dad through it.
But when she gets past this horrible age she will love him and he will become her best friend. I know its hard for you but try not to take sides just be there for each of them. It will pass, wait til shes done her exams etc. Good luck xx
2007-10-18 01:29:31 · answer #1 · answered by claire s 1 · 2⤊ 3⤋
If the father doesn't take the bull by the horns and have a sincere talk with your daughter, and ask her what she thinks HE can do to make the relationship better, then he's a child too -- at least that's how i see it.
People do not "hear" us when we yell and scream, so that approach will never help. And spanking and hitting children only teaches them that it's a good way to solve problems. We both know that's not true.
Apparently, something has happened between the daughter and your husband at one point to cause all of this uproar. And the reason they won't go to counseling? Because they are AFRAID to face the issues.
You can't force either to go to counseling. And if your husband doesn't go himself at least, he will probably never find a way to communicate with your daughter.
Therapy teaches us to face our issues, develop coping skills. It would not hurt your husband to learn to think more rationally, and to stop knee-jerk reactions when it comes to the daughter. As long as he is defensive and ugly toward her, things won't change.
There is no way out until they both calmly face their problems and figure out a way to make things better. You can force them to go to counseling, but you'd think an adult man would want to do something to make things better in his family relationships.
I hope things work out, and that your husband grows up and starts acting like the adult.
take care.
2007-10-18 02:40:07 · answer #2 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She seems a cross between a spoilt brat and a drama queen. "Hates her dad" is typical childish twaddle. She mistakes decibels for maturity.
Three bits of advice:
1) Always back your husband - if she divides you, your marriage will be over.
2) There should always be bad consequences for bad behaviour.
3) She is the child, you are the parents. Children (unfortunately) don't have the experiences of life to understand how little they know.
4) Let her know that when she is 16, the other children will come first and she will have to shape up or ship out.
2007-10-18 02:11:12 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My advice, children learn what they observe. Why is the husband yelling at her? Adults shouldn't argue with children, you have the power, she doesn't. Encourage your husband not to yell when she gets mad, tell him not to engage her in the activity she wants, which is arguing. You both let your daughter know that disrespecting her father is unacceptable and give her real consequences when she gets out of line. She can yell all she wants, she doesn't get her way. But your husband has to work on not giving in to his anger. Perhaps if he stops yelling and you both begin enforcing the house rules together in a calm manner, your daughter will calm down the way she reacts. No yelling or arguing needed, rules are broken, consequences enacted. Your husband should make an attempt to spend time with her alone. She may refuse at first, but if the arguments subdue, she may come along eventually.
2007-10-18 01:59:54 · answer #4 · answered by cashmaker81 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's probably too late to do anything now. The two of you (you and your husband) should have been on the same page with this child from the git-go. I'm sorry ,but it looks to me like there's gonna be a very rocky road ahead. If you don't get out of the middle and start seeing what's going on you just might wind up in divorce court. Your daughter has to realize that she is still a child and that you and your husband are the parents. It sounds to me as if it's been you and your daughter against your husband, and that just isn't gonna work, at all!
2007-10-18 01:47:34 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your husband seems to be the one that's stuck in the middle because on one side he has the 15 year old screaming at him and claiming to hate him then there's you who sounds as though excuses are made for the 15 year old's behavior. So right now he feels that he's in a no win situation. Instead of siding with your daughter when she acts out you need to side with your husband. She sees that no matter what she does mom seems to side with her therefore that gives her the thought that she can do and say whatever she wants to her father. She's 15 when she acts out don't reward her take things from her. She has to be made to understand that your husband is the adult not her. She has not respect for her father and you need to talk to her about being disrespectful. Now when you talk to her let her know that's not to say that you're talking sides it's just that some of the things that she says and/or does isn't appropriate for a child to be doing towards an adult. Tell your husband don't avoid her because in her mind if she acts out he will just ignore or avoid her. When she feels she wants to scream and have tantrums just ignore her don't get into a screaming match with her. Let her say what she has to say and when she sees after several attempts no one is responding to her she will soon get over her attitude problem and herself. She feels as though she can do what she wants because adults in her life argue back with her like she's an adult. When she acts out tell her that she's more than welcome to have her tantrum in her room but in no other space in the house. Once she's feeling better she is more than welcome to rejoin the family.
2007-10-18 01:49:08 · answer #6 · answered by Pisces Princess 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I hate to sound so alarming, yet this looks like an extremely intense undertaking. And your assertion that "she's advantageous as quickly as they pulled away SO i've got been advised" shows to me which you're already suspecting "some thing" isn't authentic. i might propose taking your daughter to a doctor right this moment to work out if she's being abused. Her reaction to her father looks WAAAAAAY over the best for a toddler her age. i'm scared for her, to be honest. and that i'm scared for you too. I truly wish that my suggestions are incorrect, even though it relatively is smart to be relatively careful in a difficulty like this. My heart is going out to you. You and your daughter would be in my prayers.
2016-10-07 03:54:18 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am in the same boat here but with my 14 years old son. i have 11 years and 3 years old too. Last Saturday my son walked out and refused to help his Dad. The end of story... well, my hubby (we are married for 15 years) wanted divorce. So much was put towards me from bad upbringing kids to .. everything really. I talk to my son. I did explained him that while he is living in this family he has to follow some family simple rules. At present he is listen to me. Not to his Dad. He hates him because Dad doesn't do anything with him or for him. And for my husband I put an ultimatum: our kids - one side, our relationship - another side. Don't mix them together. But I do have the strange feeling like being at war... Only one thing is keeping me going: my son listen to me, I can see what is the problem between him and my husband so I am trying to smooth sharp sides... I know that in a future it will be not enough. But at present i have 2 more weapons: money and grounding at home
2007-10-18 01:35:48 · answer #8 · answered by Everona97 6 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Im a little older than her but i understand cause i did the same thing. only with time did i come to love my father. when i became mature i realized how much he loved me and i loved him. so yeah. but for right know. YOU have total control not her. Let her know that she does not have the power over you to scream and shout and carry on like she does. Start taking things from her. Cell phone, TV, everything you give to her that is not a basic necessity of life and make her appreciate you and your wonderful hubby lol!! :-) hope i helped
2007-10-18 01:30:00 · answer #9 · answered by Lorne G 1 · 1⤊ 3⤋
just make sure that you and your husband always back each other up on issues, as this way she cannot get round you or him. Tell her if she doesnt start showing some respect, she will have to move out when she turns 16
2007-10-18 01:31:30 · answer #10 · answered by jo* 6 · 0⤊ 3⤋