We are getting married next year and we asked his mother to put together a list of the guests from her side. We will have 100 guests total and his parents' guests will be about 70. So it is a big chunk of the list. I got mine done weeks ago even though most of them are not even in US. She kept 'forgetting' to do it. It's been almost a month now. Whenever she gives us a 'new deadline' for the list to be done, my fiance calls her on the due date, and as usual she hasn't even started on it. I thought maybe I was being too hard on her because getting together people's name and address for 100 people is not that easy. But her meaning of guest list was just jotting down some names and she isn't even doing that. Now I am afraid that when I ask her do something related to the wedding, she'll be like this. How can we tell her gently without hurting her feelings that she needs do her tasks on time?
2007-10-17 18:36:52 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I had the same problem. My boyfriends parents are divorced and remarried. His father is not a procrastinator and he and his wife had the list really fast. I just asked them for names right now to get the number down so I can rent the place and get estimates. His mom however, kept forgetting. We get along really well and she has told me she is excited about the wedding so I know it's not her protesting.. she is just a little absent minded. I had my bf handle it. It's his mother. At first he was kind of slacking about it too because he doesn't like to "bother" people. I finally had to give him a deadline to go talk to her and he got the names lol. Do not try to talk to her. It's his parents, he needs to handle it. Getting on to her about it can just create bad feelings and you don't need that now. His parents are his responsibility and yours are yours.
My mom was actually kind of slow on it too. I told her once and she forgot and when i reminded her she said I never told her LOL. I ended up saying lets just do it now and we did it together. Parents can just be like that. Don't take it as an insult unless you are sure or she does more things. She might just kick into gear late. She might also love you but be horrible with getting things done ... just start paying attention now to who you can rely on and who is good with deadlines and use them. I pretty much just look at everyones strengths and use them for that lol. It is frustrating though. sigh!
2007-10-17 20:18:17 · answer #1 · answered by bluekrush74 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't want to come off as rude but, you did mention marriage after the pending divorce. Could it be that your future mother in law may have some strife against you because her son did not wait until he was divorced to start dating? I know each family has their own circumstances but, the way it is written seems that way. On the other hand, if this is a long out dated pending divorce and the future mother in law has been around for awhile..might I suggest inviting her over for dinner instead. Where your child is in the environment she is most familiar with. ADHD children tend to be set off when introduced to stimulating surroundings. Your mother in law may need to realize as well that this is new for your child also. Your daughter may simply not know how to react to her new life. Remember she is still your fiance's mom and should be respected. But, you will be first in his life soon not her. She must learn to give you the same..this can begin by having her by in your home so that the rules are already established to your benefit.
2016-05-23 07:19:45 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had the same issue. What I did was my husband told my in laws that we needed the names and address by _____ date. This is when the invitations are being ordered and going out. If I do not have them then my order will go in less who ever dose not give me the list. If she is interested in inviting her side she will give you the list. 2nd my husband I advised my mother in law that I was not making any phone calls to see if her side or my side was attending. If they could not send back the response card which we bought and sent with a stamp then it will be understood that person will not be attending and there will be NO place setting for them.
Best advise, let your boyfriend worry about who on his side of the family is going and let him deal with his mother. Do not ask her to help with the wedding as you should have got the hint that she is either to busy or not interested in giving a list let alone do something else.
2007-10-18 02:22:52 · answer #3 · answered by Kat G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like someone mommy won't let go, don't worry we told my mom not to wear white on the wedding day and she showed up in yeah you guessed the whitest dress she could find. Some moms have trouble letting there sons get married I know this from the above experience. Not to say that she is trying to stop the wedding or anything but you never can be too careful. I would let her know that unless she gets the list to you soon then you and your fiance will try to guess who from his side should come and some may have to be left out, she will most likely not want this to happen and hopefully get on the ball. You have enough to worry about then this, good luck and many happy years and all that jazz
2007-10-17 21:14:00 · answer #4 · answered by B-Man 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all congrats on the upcoming wedding! I'm not sure when the wedding date is but maybe she feels she has plenty of time to do it and is just procrastinating. Ask her if she could please have it done by a certain date and call her a few days before that due date. Maybe you guys could help her get the list started and show her what it should include.
Good luck!
2007-10-17 18:48:00 · answer #5 · answered by havas_amanda 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh heavens.. I felt your pain about 2 months ago.. BOY am I glad thats over with ( not to rub it in your face or anything.. heheh ) But I had to go throught the SAME thing.. and when she did do other things for us she would through it up in our face about LOOK what I DID.. So.. she FINELY got the list together with some of my help.. and we made the mistake of letting her help with the rehersal dinner.. (exspected) for his parents.. and she rubbed that in our face about WHAT SHE had did.. so we just had to deal with it but let me tell you right now.. You know what the BEST thing for you and HER would be... Tell her if she doesn't get the list to you in (your next deadline) then you will assume that she changed her mind / or just wanted family only and you can take care of that! As far as in her friends go and all that mess with everbody and there sister invtited.. You start to work on the list of family all the ones you can get With your mans help.. and get it taken care of.. becuase from what I went through it wont get any better tell you let her know in a (non formal) way (just like she is doing) that you know what shes up to .. and TWO can play at that game.. IM SURE your guy will be MORE than happy to help once he sees how stressed out you are with the wedding anways!
2007-10-18 09:45:58 · answer #6 · answered by *Saved by God's grace* 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She will be like that .Take it upon yourselves to write out the wedding list. Your fiance should know his side of the family and close friends . Why are they getting over half of the wedding guest ? It should be 50/50 .Your family and his family . Stick to Uncles, Aunts , Grandparents , Sisters Brothers , Sister in laws and Brother in laws . Nieces and Nephews . Childhood friends and their kids . No co workers or bosses . Let them know that it is a small wedding and that close family members are only invited . Don't count on the future Mother in Law to be helpful . Learn that lesson NOW ! She has proved herself to be unreliable .
2007-10-18 00:17:40 · answer #7 · answered by vpsinbad50 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry dear.
You blundered when you did not stick by your deadline.
Now when you make a deadline, she will laugh at you because she now knows you are spineless and will back down.
You have to be FIRM.
Tell her the deadline and when she does not follow thru..say..." Sorry Mom- in -law, but I specified the deadline and you were late so your friends cannot be invited.. the invites were mailed last week just like I told you."
I don't care if she whines, yells, cries or screams bloody murder. Don't back down.
You will be in for a hellish ride for 40 years if you do!
Now give her a simple chore and give her a deadline.
if she does not meet the deadline gently remind her of the importance of following your rules. Do not under any circumstances bend!
You are now in a position of power!!!
Use it!
Do not back down!
Ever!
2007-10-17 18:56:28 · answer #8 · answered by sasha1641 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that you are trying to get everything organized and you would appreciate her help with the situation. I sat down with my mother-in-law (before she was) and we did the list together. That way we were able to have some bonding time when I kept her on track. I hope you can work it out, good luck!
2007-10-18 03:27:52 · answer #9 · answered by vaya 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must tell her that you must have her list by December 16 (or whenever) because the invitations are going to be mailed on December 21 (or whenever). Give her actual dates. Then go ahead and mail the invitations on that date.
She is not the one to give you a deadline. You give HER the deadline.
.
2007-10-17 23:11:05 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋