I have lost well over 100 pounds in the last 10 months. I have been copeing with a body perception problem where When I look in the mirror I still see myself as fat and feel like I am disappearing in the presence of others etc.... My few friends that I have make me feel as if I have done something wrong by losing weight. Even my mother makes me feel this way at times. My husband never makes me feel bad about it or when I was fat either. He has always been supportive. He sees how when I am with my friends I come home a bit more depressed than before I went out with them. He has suggested that for the time being anyway that I should maybe try to make friends with others who didn't know me when I was fat. What are your thoughts?
2007-10-17 17:56:42 · 10 answers · asked by Praire Crone 7 in Health ➔ Mental Health
No I didn't have surgery
I just excersised and ate right. Stay away from sugar and white flour.....
2007-10-17 18:05:20 · update #1
That's me Raji......Never happy..lol
2007-10-18 04:31:33 · update #2
Ms Crone, your male friends may seem to be taking new found interest in you while your female friends may be beginning to feel threatened by the new you. Try not to let it worry you BUT, it's NEVER a bad idea to continue to seek out new friends in any case. Having one enemy is having TOO many enemies, but; there's NO such thing as having too many friends. So follow your hubby's advice and seek out new and interesting folks to befriend, and expand your life a bit, and enjoy yourself.
BB,
Raji the Green Witch
2007-10-18 02:59:28 · answer #1 · answered by Raji the Green Witch 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What you are experiencing is pretty common among folks who have lost a great deal of weight. Your friends probably carry a few pounds more than they should, and they know it. Your weight loss sucess is just a reminder of it, and they find it threatening. Same with your mom, like as not. Maybe a bit of jealousy thrown in the mix. And maybe, they hung with you because while you were overweight, they were skinny by comparison. And you were the fat friend. Now you are the skinny friend, and they are now the fat friend- and they don't like it. If your current group of friends can't deal with it, dump them for some who can. As far as dealing with your mom, just be upfront. Tell your mom you lost the weight for your own sake, not to be a threat to her or to suggest she do anything different. Hopefully you aren't suggesting anything. You also might want to think about how your new focus is coming out in your daily conversations. If you are obsessing on the loss, it could be they are a bit tired of it. If it's all, "I still feel so fat", or "I used to be xx pounds, but I managed to lose it"- because that is rather a suggestion that perhaps they are just less well motivated than you were. Not finding fault with you, just suggesting some fodder for thought here. At any rate, if the friends don't adjust, find some friends that do. True friendship is not about weight one way or the other. At least, it shouldn't be. It should be mutual interests in something other than your food or weight.
2007-10-18 01:08:42 · answer #2 · answered by The mom 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My mother always said "If they aren't supportive and feel like they need to alienate you or talk down to you, then they weren't your friends to start with - they were acquiantaces"
I have always remembered that since I was a kid and I have always evaluated "friendship" by that criteria. Like one of the answerers said " Your friends should be your friends rather you weigh 100 lbs or a 1000" those are your true friends. They should always want to lift you up rather than just breath the same air you do. If I were you, I would try to make new friends who have the same interests and look for them in areas that interest you. When I was single and no friends when I moved here I went to the local community college and looked for "extra" classes to get involved in. I took a once a week course in Renaissance poetry and also took a class in artistic expression (I'm not really good but learned a lot) and made friends quickly. I still have some of those that I would truely call as friends to this day. Be yourself. My saying is "Why worry what others think, be straight forward and honest, tell it like it is. They don't pay your bills, they don't feed or clothe you, and they don't live with you and until they do, don't worry and don't care what they think" Live happy and smile as often as possible - if it doesn't bring positive people to you it will keep others wondering what you have been up to. ;))
Blessed be!
2007-10-18 08:32:35 · answer #3 · answered by Karma of the Poodle 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have a new friend here who has gone through the same thing with the weight loss- I have a really bad fear of getting fat, that no one will love me any more because the only time i have any love or interest shown in me is through sex- but then if I say anything about it all I get back is " I won't ever ask you to have sex with me again" and of course that is the only spiritual link I have with anyone, and I like it as much as my boyfriend does but he could take it or leave it and if I don't have that I get ignored. Now granted, he works very hard and I appreciate that he is tired but a hug hell even a pat on the back or a simple show of liking something about me would not be so hard to do... it has to be harder on him to see me a wreck like this but I try to talk to him about it and he walks away and goes out or goes to bed. He says he loves me but I don't think that he has anything but doubt in my ability to grow and improve. It has only been two months and I am trying to improve but change doesn't happen overnight or even over a couple of months. I have been used and manipulated (my fault for letting it happen) all my life, especially by those who claim to love me, and the only one that I know for sure really did love me but it was sick love was my pedophile stepfather... he never physically hurt me and he made me feel like there was someone who would take care of anyone who hurt me, he would never be cold and indifferent, and he knew when I was at my lowest and then he would do simple little things like go out and get a cassette of music that he knew would change my mood or just keep saying funny things until I had to laugh and it would work. That is sick of me to even feel this way but I can't help it , anyone else just makes me feel worse when I already am hurting inside and I don't think they give a darn if it hurts me. Half the time it is when I have been on an up beat mood and they purposely say things to make me feel bad, Why won't anyone make the slightest attempt to bring me out of the depression so that I don't fall into the annihilation of overeating and sleeping 24/7.
Anyway, I know that doesn't really help you, but maybe you don't feel so alone now. Keep trying. with me a lot of this is the manic- depression that I was diagnosed with at 15; I haven't had any counseling since because this state no longer has welfare counseling. So I communicate with people on the computer because they are my only contact with the outside world. But I love and appreciate every little bit of time someone goes out their way to say something uplifting.You have been one of them and I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart.
2007-10-18 03:48:15 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've noticed my married friends feel like after they get married or have major changes in their life(children, weight loss, relocating out of state, bout of illness/depression) that they do grow distant with friends. I'm not saying to get rid of your friends, but, maybe if you take your husband's suggestion and make a few new friends it wouldn't hurt. Everyone deserves friends who love us unconditionally and without prejudice. If your husband is saying he notices a change in your demeaner, than it's safe to say you do feel a change or a distance with these friends. There's nothing wrong with moving forward and finding new people to share life's adventures with.
Good luck
2007-10-18 01:08:56 · answer #5 · answered by Extremely sad 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i think you dont need friends who didnt know you when you were fat...you need friends who, like your husband, accept you as you are, no matter how that is.
youre friends shouldnt make you feel bad for losing the weight. if you are happy, and if you are proud (which you should be by the way, because that is impressive) then they should be happy and proud too.
true friends dont care if you weigh 100 pounds or 1000 pounds, except that they might be concerned for your health...
you need to find friends who love you, accept you, and embrace you just the way you are. you deserve it
2007-10-18 01:06:07 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
I think u should try to talk to them about it first and im guessing their fat if so then theyre prolly jealous that u lost the weight and they didnt nd theyre trying to make themselves feel better
2007-10-18 01:02:44 · answer #7 · answered by Alix 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, I don't know about your RL friends, but you've got us! I think what you've done is wonderful!!! Blessed be your loving soul mate!
)o( Blessed Be! ~ Your loving, supportive, only a WEE bit jealous friend
2007-10-18 09:01:54 · answer #8 · answered by whillow95 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with him. After awhile your friends may change but if they don't you would have new friends.
2007-10-18 03:11:32 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you had surgery to loose weight...
You just have to adjust.
Old friends can't be replaced.
2007-10-18 01:03:35 · answer #10 · answered by Mustbe 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋