Telling a child about a friends death-- (sister)?

Question

Oh my god.
I just received message that my 9 year-old younger brothers old best friend has been murdered.... by his father.
We have moved out of state since then but it has only been like 6 months or so.
How can i tell him gently??? Also i cant mention to him he was murdered when he asks how!?! How can I phrase this as best as possible in this kind of situation. He's only in the fourth grade!!! :'''[

parenta are out of the question, theyre VERY bad at being sensitive to touchy subjects.

Answer 1

I'd be semi-truthful but leave the details out of it. Like "he got hurt really bad (or was in an accident) and they couldn't make him better". I wouldn't mention the dad did it. If he asks too many questions you could always say "I don't know". I think saying things like "God needed him" could be pretty scary to a kid. He could think what if God needs me? or mom/dad/sis? He might start to think that anyone could die at any time just because God picked them.

Answer 2

This is a great time to open up the lines of communication about death. Sit down with your brother and be honest with him. Don't lie to him about things. Be open with what happened, but you don't have to give him all the details. Tell him that his friend has passed on (depending on religious beliefs you could mention Heaven at this time) and that his father did a bad thing and hurt him so bad that he died.

Remind him that not all daddy's do that, and that his friend is at peace now and not in any pain. He may be very quiet, he may be very upset, he may be angry, but these are all normal reactions to learning something like this. Answer any questions he has about it, but if he doesn't have any, make sure he knows he can come to you at any time.

Let him have his reactions, and his thoughts on it, ask him what he is thinking, be sure to acknowledge his feelings. If he asks what happens after someone dies (depending on what you believe) give a brief description, whether it be the Angels came and took him to Heaven, or he is simply one with the earth again. Don't tell him his friend is just sleeping, this can sometimes make children think sleep = death, and that's not good.

The worse thing people can do is try and hide death from children, they are going to learn about it eventually, why not ion a nice heartfelt talk with someone they trust. It's a difficult conversation, but it's one that should be done.

Answer 3

That is very tough news for you all. Although it is admirable that you want to tell him is it possible for your parents to break this news? If it is up to you for whatever reason wait until he is well-rested and fed and sit him down and explain that you have some very sad news. Tell him that his best friend has died. He is probably going to ask how. If there is any way that he might find the details from the news or paper you probably should consider telling him that it was not an accident, that somebody hurt him. Let him ask questions. If you are not able to answer them say so. Expect him to show emotion and encourage him to do so. Suggest making a card or sending a message to his family. Grief is a process and there are stages to work through. Shock, anger, disbelief are all normal. All the best.

Answer 4

I just lost my youngest child 2 hours after birth and had to explain it to my two older sons mostly my oldest. I just told him that brother was sick and the Dr's could not make it better so he went to live in heaven and we will get to see him one day. You don't have to tell you son all the details it will scare him make him wonder how a DAD could do this it might also make him question his own dad not saying his dad is bad but kids just make those kind of associations they don't know the difference. Tell him he go into an accident and the drs could not fix him. He is now in heaven. If he asks for more details just try to discern what is best for him to hear. You are his mom you know him best and what he can handle and what is too much

Answer 5

Brooke, I'm sure you have your brother's best interests at heart, and you are a great big sister to care like this - but really, unless you are MUCH older than him this is too big an issue for you to be the one to tell him and monitoring his reaction. If your parents really are not appropriate people (not just that you as a teen feel they have "adult germs" and "never understand") then you need to speak to someone who has experience with giving kids bad news, and also who can tell you who else needs to know in case your brother's behaviour changes. Do you have a school counsellor, or maybe your brother's teacher?

Answer 6

If he is nine years old I think he should know between life and death it will be really hard. I think you should say- "Honey, I have some bad news, do you remember your friend ______? Well he passed away. He and his father had a fight and then sadly your friend ________ was killed." It will be very hard after that give him a big long hug. You shouldn't lie to him because when he finds out that you lied it will make everything even worse. I'm sorry for the tradergy good luck. :'(

Answer 7

oh i am very sorry to hear that!!!!!

i would reccomend saying that he was needed by God up in heaven
or
tell your brother that his friend got sick and Jesus would take very good care of him


when he is older tell him the truth just dont be like this

oh *billy* you know how i told you that *jonny* was sick/needed?well i lied his dad murdered him

but i know you wont do that
you'll think of something


my most sincere sympathy
Nikki F.


tell him i am very sorry for his loss and i bet many other people are too

Answer 8

i'm truly sorry and perhaps the least confusing way is to tell your different daughter 'Jamey is away with God, in a greater advantageous place. she wont be returning' and sooth your daughter. in case you misinform kennedy and tell her jamey would be back quickly, kennedy will ask you popular and somebody she will confirm the reality and get very disenchanted desire that helped and robust success :)

Answer 9

Say that it was time to for him to go. He's in a better place now and that God needed him to help him work in heaven so he could help get rid of all the bad people.

Something along those lines. Terribly sorry for the loss!!! Bless!

Answer 10

does he still talk to these kids? If not then just don't mention it. There is no reason to traumitise him. If he is still in touch thenyou need to tell him that the Dad hurt him very badly and that the doctors couldn't do anything and he died. Explain that the man will go to prison so he can't hurt anyone else. Keep it simple but the truth.