My brother is difficult. He needs psychotherapy really badly, but he doesn't believe in it. I do not speak to him. My sister does not, nor does my niece. This has been going on for nearly 20 years. We've each experienced different things that caused this. He's an angry control freak with obsessive compulstive disorder and possible psychosis. My parents backed him all along even tho he until recently got angry with our mother after the last family gathering she hosted. Because he's difficult and my niece refuses to go to small gatherings he attends, my mother chose my niece over him to invite. My sister and I have no problem being in the same room with him. My mother made a poor choice and now her son refuses to speak to her. She has apologized and admitted she's wrong. My Dad has talked to him and asked him to seek help. He won't budge. My father wants my niece, my sister and me to email him and tell him to get help. I'll do that, but I don't think it will help. Then what to do?
2007-10-17 15:28:23 · 6 answers · asked by Oh Wise One 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Nothing. This is a grown man and you cannot control his behavior. You can however stop enabling him by allowing him to run ramshod over the family. Your mother did the right thing, you all owe her an apology.
2007-10-17 15:43:04 · answer #1 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's an adult and does not have to get help if he doesn't want to. There's probably nothing you all can do at this point because you've all had fallings out with him in the past. Probably the best thing for all of you would be to tell him that unless or until he gets help and makes some changes none of you want to have anything to do with him. And then stick by your guns. He may never get help, but you will all be a lot happier just letting him go. I know that you probably won't do this either, it's just like you telling him what you think is best. He won't hear you and you won't hear me. Why? Because we all think we know best and have lost of reasons, justifications and rationalizations for the stands we take.
You and your family should find a good therapist and work with that person to learn how to handle your brother.
But you probably won't listen:-)
2007-10-17 15:41:03 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like all of you are confused... If you and your sister have no problem being around your brother, and your parents have backed him the whole way, then your mom was wrong to choose your niece over her own son... Why don't you just leave him alone for awhile... He could probably use the piece and quiet from all of you... Sounds like you're pointing fingers in the wrong direction...
2007-10-17 15:52:04 · answer #3 · answered by mom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and the rest of the family need to talk to him and let him know that his anger and attitude and behaviors are NOT normal and acceptable.Explain to him he has the right to be angry and is justifiably provoked at times, but how he handles it is the problem.Tell him you love him BUT until he decides to do something about it, none of you want anything else to do with him.He may become a hermit,hard to say.Youll just have to try it.
2007-10-17 15:36:19 · answer #4 · answered by Joe F 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry to be the bearer of bad news but your mother WAS RIGHT!
Your brother needs to know that his behaviour is unnacceptable, & if he wants to be able to attend family gatherings in the future that he needs to GET HELP.
Your mom didn't choose your neice over him. She simply chose to live without her son's BAD behaviour, & you guys failed her by not backing her up.
If the entire family was able to say to him, "Mom was right, if you want to be included in family gatherings, you need to get the tools you need to effectivly manage your problem(s)"
So far he has chosen not to do the necessary work on himself because his family hasn't REQUIRED it of him.
If you want to actually help your brother, then I suggest you ask your mom what to do, & then LISTEN TO HER!
So far she's the only one who has been brave enough to do the right thing.
2007-10-17 15:42:27 · answer #5 · answered by No More 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
all you can really do, is keep trying, if you love him, you won't give up.but basically, it will come down to him and his choice,he may have to-hit rock bottom/gutter, before he comes to his senses,some of us,never get it, just let him-know you love and care for him, and as long as he treats you right, you'll be there
2007-10-17 15:42:22 · answer #6 · answered by debbie d 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋