My husband still bathes my 8 year old daughter. Should he stop?

Question

I'm getting a little concerned about it. Maybe I am being too paranoid?

Answer 1

I think shes old enough to do it heself and i think you should tell him that

Answer 2

At around that age, it is time for kids to start to learn to do these things for themselves, and also to begin learning about matters such as privacy.

So yes, it is time for your husband to stop actively 'bathing' your child, although of course she should still be supervised in the bath to some extent.

More troubling however is that you are feeling some concern about his behaviour. We often get 'feelings' about people based on their behaviour ~ attitude, looks on the face, and so on.

Because a lot of this is observation which we don't even realise we are doing sometimes, it's often hard to say *exactly* why feel feel uncomfortable in certain situations, but such feelings are best not ignored.

Naturally, your husband may simply enjoy the fun of bathtime with his daughter, especially if he is at work all day and doesn't have much chance to play with her in a relaxed and fun way.

But if you feel 'concerned', you may want to keep your eyes open for signs that something is off kilter.

Don't allow yourself to become paranoid ~ you can observe and decide, without judging. Imagine if your husband was contracting a physical illness and you ignored your feelings of concern because you didn't want to be paranoid! Treat this the same way ~ prevention is better than cure !

Best wishes and good luck :-)

Answer 3

YES this should have stopped about 4-5 years old...No you aren't paranoid....it's called Protective.....I would just make sure that she was bathed before the usual time he would bathe her, this way there isn't any blame for anything. If that isn't going to work, then I would certainly be walking in on him while he is bathing her, 2 or 3 times if necessary. If he closes the door always when he is in there......I would suspect more than bathing.

Answer 4

Paranoid??? No, you're NOT being paranoid. An 8 year old should be able to bathe herself with no help from her parents, and if she needed any help, she should be getting it from you, her mother. I don't know why most mothers are afraid to address these types of concerns to their husbands. Your job and your husband's is to protect your daughter from ANY harm. He should have no problem whatsoever doing what's best for her.

Answer 5

OK you have a lot of responses to this question all saying the same thing. Your daughter is definitely too old for your husband to be bathing her. I find it odd that he does not know this and that your daughter has not spoken up about the situation. By the time my daughter was 5, she was able to bathe herself and insisting on it. No one needs to be in the room with an 8 year old while she is bathing. Just make sure she does not lock the bathroom door in case she should fall.

It is time to sit down with your daughter and tell her that she is old enough to be bathing herself and that no one should be touching her in her private areas. NO ONE. When I spoke to my daughter, I included me and my husband. I wanted her to know it included even people she trusted. I told her the only exception was if a doctor or nurse needed to examine her for a medical reason.

Now, about your husband. This could be naivete on his part about little girls and their developmental stages. Let's hope this is the case. Tell him your daughter came to you and she feels that she is old enough to bathe herself. He should understand and the subject is old news. If he balks, then mom, you need to protect your daughter.

Answer 6

I think you know the answer to your own question. You put the word 'still' in your question. Showing that it's been going on too long for your comfort. If your concerned, then I think there is a reason to be. My husband tries to avoid even seeing my 5 year old daughter nude. He thinks even that is innappropriate.

My 7 going on 8 year old daughter bathes herself. Sometimes even helps me out with the 5 year old.

I started teaching independent showering @ around 5. At 8, in my opinion, she should be able to do this by herself AND do it right. With the smaller ones that do it themselves, sometimes they don't do it correctly and you have to do it over.

It's up to you. My husband never bathed my kids, period. Especially the girls. He avoided it like the plague.

But everyone parents different...one of my in laws even WIPES for her 8 year old daughter. Now that...I think is morally rediculous. Borderline crazy.

Answer 7

Yes he should stop bathing her. She is old enough to bathe herself at age 8. If you think she is not bathing correctly, then YOU need to check to see if she is scrubbing behind ears, etc....I really think your husband should NOT be bathing her at all. He should only be asking if she is bathing correctly or telling her to go and take a bath, but not bathing her.

If this is his step-daughter, then you should be real concerned with this. Don't let him near her only if you suspect something. Talk to your daughter and ask her if everything is okay. You as a parent should protect your daughter if something is going on. If you see something, do something about it. Call police if he is sexually abusing her.

Answer 8

Has he had experience with other children? I only ask because when I was about 20 I watched my 7 year old nephew and stayed in the bathroom with him...I was afraid he would drowned or get hurt if I left.

After I talk to my sister about it, and she told me he had been bathing himself for about the last 9 months. From then on I let him take care of himself, just letting him know to let me know if he needed anything.

This may be the time that Dad finds a new way to bond with his little girl. Reading her a story at bed time, or teaching her how to throw a softball.

Answer 9

No you are not paranoid,he should stop,8 year olds can bathe just fine by themselves,its not normal.

Answer 10

No, I don't think you are being paranoid. I think it is odd and should be addressed, BUT perhaps (giving him the benefit) maybe nothing is going through his mind other than being a caring father, but ask your daughter if this makes her feel uncomfortable.

Also, remind both he and your daughter that part of growing up is learning to do things on her own and washing herself up is one of those things.

If he gets irrate about your request, THEN I would worry that his intentions are not pure.

Answer 11

That's creepy, your daughter should be washing herself now. Maybe you should ask your daughter if her dad has ever touched her in a bad way, I'm sorry to be so blunt about it but things like this happen alot and it does alot of damage to childeren.