I think my mom smokes, what should I do?

Question

I love my mom, but I figured out that she smokes. I mean I'm more observant than she gave me credit for, and I noticed small hints, like nicotine gum and a cigarette in the yard, and overly strong perfume over a stale scent. I don't know how long this has been going on, and I'm worried; but the signs have been there for at least 2 years. What if she gets cancer or something. I have 2 younger sisters and they have no idea. And I'm not sure if my dad knows. I'm afraid if I confront my mom and dad, that she will start smoking openly, and that'll be worse for everyone's health. I know my mom is great, but addiction is strong, and I don't know what to do.

Answer 1

It's not your job to get your mom to quit smoking.

Having said that, I do suggest that you tell you mom about how you feel when she sets out to decieve you. How you also feel about the unfairness of her demanding honesty from her children, but she fails to lead by example.
Let her know about your fears for her health as well.

It's entirely within the realm of possibilities that she will start to smoke openly within the house once the cloak of deception has been lifted from her dirty little habit.
Unfortunately, your reluctance to confront her about the smoking for the above reason, is an attempt to control your mom. Not a healthy approach to the problem.
If your mom starts to smoke in front of you, then that is her choice.
I wish that I could say that you have a choice as well, but I suspect that you are a minor child, so if she starts blowing smoke in your face, you won't have the option to move out and leave her & her cigarettes behind.
I think you are simply going to have to trust your mom will have a stronger sense of responsibility to her families health than that.
A lot of addicts rationalize that the only person that they are truly harming, is themselves. Of course you & I know that isn't true. Even though she is keeping her smoke as far away from you as she thinks is necessary, you are still being affected by her smoking. No matter where she does it.

She has a duty to her daughter, to take the very best possible care of her daughters mother. So that she will be there on this Earth for her daughter as long as she possibly can. She doesn't have the right to do things that will shorten her life.

All you can do, is tell your mom how you feel about her addiction to cigarettes, & the deception she is perpetrating before her husband and children.

The rest is up to her.

I hope she does the right thing and quits for herself, as well as her family.

Answer 2

I think you should talk this over with her. I'm sure if you convince her and give her reasons to quit, she will quit. You have to be there every step of the way, though. She's going to need support and someone to lean on the whole way, addiction is hard to break. I also know where you're coming from. My mom is also a smoker, and I resent everytime she takes out a cigarette. I've tried talking to her about it, but she seems to get uncomfortable. You must make sure you approach this subjec the right way. If you come at it wrong, she could get defensive, hurt, and more addicted. I suggest thinking it through, composing up a few statements, and telling her when the time is right. Also, not all smokers get cancer. It depends mainly on how long, and how much they smoke. Your mother may be addicted, but she may not be a heavy smoker. So, make sure you get all the facts from her. If none else works, you have to remember she's your mother. She still loves you, and she can make her own decisions.

I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 3

I think you should do nothing.

Your mom knows the dangers of smoking, and I'm sure your dad knows she smokes.

Yes, it's a dangerous thing to do, but she's an adult, and part of being an adult is choosing what to do and not to do.

There are lots of closet smokers. Hopefully she will be able to quit on her own (if she has nicotine gum it means she's trying). Don't confront her - it won't help, it will just make her feel more guilty.

Women get breast cancer for no reason - and some get lung cancer and they've never smoked a day in their life - try not to worry about the health implications - I know it's hard.

Answer 4

Best thing is to tell your mom that you are concerned about her and her smoking. Don't accuse. Discuss this quietly and in private. Addiction to cigarettes/nicotine is one of the roughest to overcome. All you can do is be supportive.
You cannot force someone quit an addiction.
She can get help, but she has to be "willing" to quit.
Another note for you and your concerns - Not everyone who smokes dies of cancer or emphysema. In fact, the majority of people who smoke do not develop lung cancer.
Your concerns are legitimate, but you need not be in panic mode if she cannot quit.
Eating too much fast food can be dangerous.
Driving cars can be dangerous.
Getting a suntan . . . . . and so on.
I am a cancer specialist (retired) , so I have seen many lives cut short by smoking related cancers - especially lung cancer.
I too hope everyone could and would stop smoking, but this doesn't mean an automatic death sentence if your mom continues. Quitting is very, very hard for some people.
Best thing is to never start smoking.

Answer 5

well she is an adult and can make her own decisions. I mean smoking isn't great for you but there are worse things she could be doing. At least she has the respect for her children and husband to try and hide it. Also she is trying to quit, since you found the gum. You can still be like "mom so what's up I know you are smoking and if you need help trying to quit I have your back if you need help." You can tell her that you won't sell her out but that you love her and want her to quit smoking and live a healthy life. But it is her choice in the end. Good Luck!

Answer 6

Wow, what a dilemma! OK, if you live with her, start by leaving hints around for her to find that smoking kills everything and everybody but, don't let her know it's you. Then pretend like you noticed a weird smell and ask her if her friends are smoking... NOT HER! She'll start to think she needs to be more careful about her smells and the idea is to make it very inconvenient for her to show any sign of smoking so that she is more willing to give up. Don't mention the gum because if she is using it, it tells you she's trying to cut down and the gum is way better then the smoke (tar). So, the idea is to make it harder for her to smoke, more inconvenient and she'll start thinking it's a hassle without you having to blow whistles besides, she's your mom and you should Honor her and respect her. Good Luck with that...

Answer 7

Find a picture on line of a diseased infected cancerous lung ( caused by smoking) and also look for an article on second hand smoke too ( non smokers die all the time of lung cancer from second hand smoke)

Show your mom these things and ask her why would she smoke if she does NOT want to die of cancer or cause cancer to her family.

Sorry to be so blunt......but I smoked for 14 years and quit COLD TURKEY 4 years ago when I found out I was pregnant. For my health and my families health, I would never smoke again.

Answer 8

why don't you just throw her cigarettes away in the dumpster when she's sleeping? oh and hide her keys somewhere where you will remember where you put it.

when she wakes up, she won't be able to smoke. and when she plans to go to the store to buy some, she won't have the keys. That way, she can't smoke.

but you see, i don't know how she's going to go to work. maybe your dad can take her. i don't know and besides, your dad doesn't know so you can be sure that she will not buy cigarettes for a while. After a week, tell her you found her keys. She'll thank you and maybe she'll stop. It depends. Just give her back her keys when you feel that she can be trusted to not go to the store. if she does go to the store again to buy cigarettes, then take her keys again. she'll notice that everytime she smokes, her keys disappear. If she's smart, she'll quit.

Answer 9

I think its great that you love your mom this much, so this only brings me to the conclusion that her love for you is the same, so I would say talk with your mom privately about the issue without you father or younger sibling and explain your concern with her smoking. If she loves you she will do whats best for you her and the rest of your family

Answer 10

Soory dude i suggest u confront her and explain to her that u know what somking does to pplz and u are willing to help her quit but dont let it go on further stop her before it becomes a serious addiction that will take a long while to fix