What would you do in my situation? Why are my two teenagers that way?

Question

I am a single mother with 2 daughters, 15 and 13. I work 2 jobs, 7-5 at office and 6-11 at bakery. Because of the heavy work time, I told my kids to take turns making dinner, but they said no. I ask them why. The 15 year old said it is because she helped her little sister alot and she feels it is her sister's job to be fair to her and cook dinner everyday and make up for her help she gave her little sister. My 13 year old say it is because she feels that her elder sister is the eldest child in the family & should always be responsible to cook and the youngest child shouldn't have to. Her friends have oldest sisters that do all housework while the youngest never do anything and she want to be just like her friends. I don't know what to do. I really need their help to cook. I don't want to take away priviledges because they are good kids and I promise to give them what I didn't have when I was a kid, activities, friends, accessories, and fun. Why can I do? Why are my teenagers that way?

Answer 1

Sorry.......spoiled and self-centered. My saying always was "I am your mother and the mother of you". This was in reference to comparing to friends parents. Unfortunately, you are gone and alot! Instead of giving them all of the things you didn't get as a child.......how about giving them a mother figure and not a friend/good guy? Material things are just that...material. Love, discipline and guidance is what they will take with them throughout their lives. You are the Mom...you set the rules and when they are older and have children of their own....you might just have them tell you Thank You! I was quite surprised when I was told. At the time they are teenagers...they are only thinking of what they want, but as adults they will understand why you were a parent and not just there to provide.

Answer 2

I know you're probably trying your best to keep things running with 2 daughters, but is there ANYWAY you could be at HOME with them during the dinner hour? I'd look into that as a first option. I'd rather get up early and have the girls get themselves off to school because I was at work, than have them home alone when they get home from school. Kids don't want activities, accessories and fun (they do want friends though, but those don't cost you a dime), but they do want a parent around when they get home from school. Think about it, anyway.

Your other options are to either have each child fix and clean up her own meal, have them each fix dinner on alternating nights, or you fix a bunch of freezer meals on the weekends, stuff they can just toss in the microwave for dinner.

Like I said, I know you're probably really struggling here, and I don't want to make you feel bad about having to work hard, but just think about what could be going on in your house in the afternoon when you're not there.

Answer 3

I think you need to just work one job instead of 2 jobs. Your daughters need you home too. I mean you hardly see them with working that many hours. They need their mother to spend more time with them. If you want to clear this up, then have both of them fix dinner TOGETHER. And if they don't do as you told them to do, then that's when you take their privileges away. For saying that you want them to have what you didn't have, sometimes you do need to take those away until they start listening to you more. Don't spoil your daughters by giving them what they want. They should learn to earn it.

The oldest should be in charge of things when you are not there, but that doesn't mean she can just boss the youngest one around for no reason. They need to work like a team!

I would consider you getting a job where you can be home at dinner time with your daughters. Because if things do get out of control, you might have to quit one job. Plus, they sure can use a mother's home cooking and they sure would probably like to see you there with them. So, do what it takes to spend more time with them, you will really regret it if you don't. Hopefully, they will not resent you for leaving them home alone while you are gone.

Answer 4

You get to step up to your power as the mama... the ultimate authority in any household.

Teenagers are naturally butt-headed, so it takes a bit of finesse and the occasional whooping to get them to toe the line while you are working so hard to support their little fannies. You should not put up with any rebellion at all. Their jobs as kids are to go to school, do their homework, clean up after themselves and do any little chores you assign to them. If they cannot deal with this simple concept, the door is that-a-way. Their spoiled little friends have NO say in this.

Draw up a chart for the week, and have the girls trading off on each task for the week. This one makes dinner, while the other does dishes all this week and they switch for the next week. Do this with a number of chores... one cleans bathrooms while the other mops the kitchen. You get the idea.

You have just a few years to instill the basic characteristics into your kids that will help them do well in society... respect, responsibility, ethics and morals. Think about that.

Answer 5

It's tough being a single parent. I'm only a temp. single parent due to military deployment,having to be a full time single parent has to be a REAL strain! I can only imagine, it must be hard on your girls too. However, they are the children, you are the mother. You have given them the opportunity to 'volunteer' now, it may suck, but you need to 'tell' them. Deligate. Give them a sched. and make it clear, it's no longer a request! I can understand wanting to give them what you never had, I'm the same way, so were my parents. At the same time, you are the adult. Your youngest may want things to be like they are @ her friends house, but I want world peace! It is what it is. Besides, from how you make it sound, she already has it prety darn good! Who knows what goes on behind doors @ her friends houses! Good luck! I hope things work out for you. Like you said, their good girls, they're probably just acting out about the stresses of a one parent home. You cant fault them or yourself for that!

Answer 6

Since neither one wants to except the responsibility, then they should share the responsibility and make dinner together. If you have a computer where you can get recipes, I suggest you turn it into a game for them.
i.e. Tuesdays could be Mexican food night, challenge them to make their best Mexican dish. You could do a different culture every night if you wanted to. The catch is, once you start this kind of game you have to keep it interesting. Kids don't want to do things because they have to or were told to and this would make it more appealing.

Answer 7

Because they don't have their mother with them. Activities, accessories and fun don't every replace having mom there. Quit your 2nd job and make them dinner. You are going to lose your daughters and you will live to regret your choices. Don't do that to yourself.

Answer 8

They need their mom. Stop working two jobs unless you need the second one to survive. If you can afford survival, then that is fine. Tell them that if they do not do any cooking, they will be grounded. Period.

Answer 9

Perhaps this could be settled by each child fixing their own dinner. Good luck... sounds like you need it.


Brigid

Answer 10

they are this way because you are allowing them to be.

if they don't want to cook let them eat sandwiches.

don't ask them to do things, GIVE THEM JOBS TO DO AND DEMAND THAT THE JOBS GET DONE EVERY DAY!!!

you are the parent, act like one!